What bothers me the most

I realized this past week what bothers me the very most about the fact that Ginger turned out to be a crappy friend.

It's not that she turned into a crappy Friend. It's that she's been a crappy Friend in Awesome Friend clothing for a while before finally being "true" to form.

Which doesn't just make her a crappy Friend. I would say it officially classifies her as a crappy PERSON!

She is still a Child of God. She still has good qualities. I won't make a laundry list of her problems and faults and what I think of her like she did me.

She's still wrong about me.

And I still have no excuse to be unkind.

But the fact that she can make that list, do it the way she did.... I've been asking her for MONTHS to tell me privately what she was so upset about, and say such awful and untrue things. Not to mention all of the side comments she has been making for almost a year now, not "acknowledging my existence", and griping so much about what an awful person I am (suggestion here: If your husband is tired of hearing you complain about someone, stop complaining and find something positive to talk about. Taking me out of the equation doesn't stop the complaining, it just means you have to complain about something else) to her husband among others.... Certainly doesn't make her the kind of person that I would want to be like.

I have apologized to her MANY times. I apologize to people that I hurt or wrong, whether it be my Children, Husband, Friend, or others. I have and always will stand by those apologies.

But I will say that I shouldn't be the only one apologizing.

And because I have apologized, and because I truly stand by what I have said about the Atonement, and the fact that it makes it wrong for me to slander her and others the way she did me. I won't go off on her mistakes, flaws, issues, and parenting blunders. I won't list the things she is too lazy to do, the way she treats people...including her husband and children, the self esteem issues that she smothers in food and spending, the repressed emotions that lead her to be so critical of others mistakes and so unforgiving, how she interacts with old boyfriends, etc.

I will however say that there are many people that I have reason to be upset with after the past few weeks, and she is the one who I think has the most that she isn't honest about.

So, while her posts that smear me from one side of the manure corral to the other hurt, I'm sure it must be AMAZINGLY therapeutic for her to FINALLY be honest and upfront about who she is and how she thinks. Rather than coating it in her usual passive/aggressive Charade

A week for noticing

This has been a week full of realizations.

Thus the influx in posts.

This is the main point for this post:

To Quote Luna Lovegood:

"Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat."

There are people who make a LOT of noise about others being crazy. They bring it up when all is still. When no one is even thinking about the person they are ranting about. They want to keep that person and their craziness foremost in every body elses' minds. Because they FEAR the silence. They worry that it gives people a chance to think for themselves and they just might piece together for themselves that they have been diverted from the real crazy person.

If you are constantly going off on how someone is always creating drama, you are probably the one to stay away from for those who don't want drama in their lives.

I've watched a lot of Lifetime shows lately in my efforts to relax and remove myself from people who make my life harder.

And a common theme is people who try to warn others about a real danger, and they get turned on because the REAL predator is LOUDLY letting anyone who will listen know that the other person is crazy.

I'm starting to ramble, but I'm sure you get the point....

The TRUTH in relationships

The truth of it is this. ANY one sided relationship will not last. I've thought about this a lot this week. And it's not just relationships where one person seems to do all the giving. But the flip side where one person will give but REFUSES to allow the other to give back.

It's not because the person who is giving and refusing to take gets worn out from always giving that the relationship doesn't make it. It's because there is a REASON the person will not accept returned effort. I have noticed in all of the friendships I have had go down the drain this past week... and unfortunately, they have been plentiful, there was a common denominator. These were friendships where my efforts, help, resources were not acceptable as contribution.

Letting someone "Serve" you builds THEM up. It creates a bond. It gives the relationship value.

I'm seeing a pattern that I didn't catch onto in it's entirety until now.

There are fundamental reasons to NOT allow someone to do things for you. ESPECIALLY in a situation where YOU are doing things for THEM. It is because YOU A) Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with them, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value them. D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."

And now that I get this, I know a warning sign early on. Rather than spending several years on a one sided friendship like the one with Ginger. A friendship where I appreciated her so much! I didn't know what I would do without her. But she did not reciprocate that gratitude because there wasn't a whole lot I ever did for her. Not because I didn't TRY. I would have bent over BACKWARDS for her. She didn't have any reason to miss or value our friendship, she was out nothing.

I asked Stephanie about this. "You almost seem to CRINGE when I offer to do things for you." Her response was "As far as me not accepting your help on things im not much for accepting help." And I call BS! That's not likely to be the case. And I'll tell you FLAT out that I have learned since then that most likely her aversion to help is for EXACTLY the reasons I listed. She doesn't want to feel indebted to people. Because then, she can't cut ties at will without feeling guilty.

So I'm going to lay it out there.

Your willingness to help me when I ask, but not take help back, is just like the others. It says all of the things that I listed above. A) You Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with me, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value me. and D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."

I will NOT get into one sided friendships or relationships anymore. The first time I see the sign that you would bend over backwards for me, but not let me return the favor, I'm OUT!