Gratitude: Day 3

I am grateful for four children who are all sweet as can be and different from each other! Each one brings such a fresh approach to life!

Relationships

One of the things I struggle with and David and I have had MANY arguments over, are the way people see relationships differently.

I grew up in a Single Parent home. We lived with My Mom's Parents. I had My Aunts, and Cousins around ALL the time. All of My Grandparents are deceased.

David grew up in a Traditional 2 Parent, 4 Children home. He has a relationship with his Extended Family, but not like I had with My Extended Family. His Grandparents are all still living.


The only way I can describe how are views differ is to give examples.

The most recent being the other night.

I have a Friend who is married to a Man who has been married before. And in my opinion, the relationship he has with his Ex-Wife is weird. It seems very hot and cold. He HATES her, and can't say enough about how horrible she is. But she's not only very involved in their Kids' lives, but the lives of the kids he has with his new wife.

There's also (with David and me) the fact that I see relationships very much in black and white. And I think David sees a lot of gray. What I really think is that David knows the gray isn't ok, but doesn't want to admit it.

Like with Jared. It was black and white. My marriage was OVER. I was emotionally DONE. And David knew from day ONE where I stood. That he was pushing it too far, and I was not going to stay around and deal with it anymore. That I was ready to be done and move on.... with the best results possible for the Girls' sake.

I din't pretend at ALL that I was willing to work things out. Which is one reason I got a restraining order FIRST thing. I wanted clear outlined limits. I wanted financial obligations defined, and property settled UP FRONT.

And so while I will admit that what took place between Jared and myself was handled inappropriately, and I had to deal with the consequences, I believe (and the Church approached it) it was more as though I had been Single and been involved with him than as though I had been married and involved with him.

But then there's the "thing" with a couple of David's ex girlfriends. I think he blurs the line sometimes. The "thing" that I mentioned from few years ago where he was talking to his ex girlfriend. And in my mind, the conversations they were having were JUST as bad as having a relationship. But to David, it was too gray to be Bad. Even if he couldn't classify it as white.

Another example is that after I went downstairs to sleep the other night, David came down, and tried to pick a fight. He went off on how if I wanted the kind of relationship his ex girlfriend had with his Grandma, then I should be putting more effort into it.

And I see it as I am married to him. Therefore, it doesn't MATTER if I put in that extra effort or not, I not SHE am still his Wife. And whether his Grandma and I have a close relationship or not, SHE (the ex) still has No CLAIM on it.

I'm not trying to go back to a fight that is done and over with.

I just think it's interesting how people view relationships so differently.

It also goes along with Favoritism. And how so many people don't realize, or won't admit that they do it.

I am fiercely loyal. And I try really hard to be the same "temperature" all the time rather than switching between 2 extremes. And people who are hot and cold, or passive/aggressive give me whiplash! If I liked you yesterday, I like you today, and will like you tomorrow. UNLESS you do something that causes problems for me. I try to never close doors on people and Friendships. But I won't be abused either. And I'm sorry, but we live in a world where people ARE hot one minute and cold the next. And those people often make it almost impossible NOT to be (or appear) passive/aggressive when dealing with them. I once read a quote that said something along the lines of "Don't argue with crazy people, others might not be able to tell which one of you is the crazy one." And it's just like Ginger said about how the "Crazies scare off the Non Crazies."

Anyhow, I realized recently just how much respect I have for people who are able to make up their mind about a topic, and stick with it. Of course, moderation in all things right?! Otherwise, it can turn into being judgmental, and closed minded. But that right there is exactly why BALANCE is so important!

A Little Help from my Friends

Can't even believe today. It started fine. We even made it to the park. Of course then the weather got chilly and looked stormy, and it was all down hill from there. But Fortunately, the things that went wrong were only surface.... all though they stung. We got a call saying that the job in Alaska is on hold for the time being. HOWEVER, when they DO interview, David is at the top of the list. BUT that could be June, or it could be February. And while having 2 parents available 24/7 is sure a lot easier than ONE parent, it doesn't do much for our financial plans ;-).

So, then I had a coupon for a free 48 oz carton of ice cream at Smith's that I just HAD to use. And some how, thanks to shallow pockets, I not only lost the COUPON, but $20 (we only had $40) as well. Which SUCKED because we had really been trying to be conservative. Since I went to a movie, I gave up my book (s) that I really want to get. So, that FREE ice cream actually cost us $25.

I come home, and yeah, it sucks ROYALLY that we're stuck possibly even LONGER in this situation, PLUS down $20, BUT David and I are getting along, the kids are doing realitively well, and when I have this kind of luck, I usually end up in jail and that ALWAYS costs us a MIN of $150.... so $20 isn't so bad in relation.

I'm really seeing the glass as half full, but really the only word to describe my thoughts is "SHIT!" ( which I said over and over again as I scoured Smith's for my missing $ and coupon)

And even though I actually apologized UPFRONT for my "abrasive" language, it's MY page, and I wanted to share "Shit!" ;-)

But there always has to be that ONE person, who not only doesn't understand the "pain" but has to make it about THEM. So, one of my Friends from HS, gets offended, and handles it ok, but NOT how the situation NEEDED to be handled. And Ginger hit it RIGHT on the head when she said that the person "...really knows how to pump a girl up when she's down, don't she? Maybe Terrenna should hide your status's if she don't like 'em. :D And I say this with love..." EXACTLY! I needed to be "pumped up" and EVERYONE could either see that and show their support, or see it enough to know NOT to get openly offended. So here I am trying to show Terrenna that I understand, but what she said didn't help any, and she goes one step farther and gets openly offended about offending me.

Meanwhile, I am trying to get in touch with My Mom. Who is not answering her phone or her door even though her car is home. My half full glass was draining REAL fast.

But seriously. Ginger came to the rescue so thoroughly. Because all I really needed was someone to understand. Then Kim. And David was GOLDEN. Then when I DID finally get a hold of My Mom, even she was above and beyond.

And I learned a few valuable lessons.... or rather had them emphasized since I've kind of learned them a bit ago:

1) I have a pretty positive attitude.
2) I am VERY blessed.
3) Education is Key. Terrenna could only be so offended over something so small because she lives in a box.
4) The TRUE show of someone's self esteem is how they treat people when they are hurt. Someone with a low self esteem will try to bring others down to their level, while someone with a healthy self esteem will HATE the thought of someone else feeling the way they currently feel and will try to elevate others.... which is the only REAL medicine for feeling bad about yourself, and pays off.
5) Along with #4, there are things, situations, what have you, that you can only understand if you've experienced it. And people will normally not take your word for it on THESE situations because they SEEM like a gamble. However these situations have "circle" type remedies: You feel bad about yourself, so you try to help someone else, rather than wallow. This leads to a sense of making a difference, which boosts YOUR feeling of self worth, which leads to a higher self esteem, which leads to more contribution. Love works the same way. So does helping/taking care of others.