Predictable

If the person I'm thinking of still reads this blog, then this is quite predictable to them, and I hesitated on posting it for THAT reason. But I've boasted that my Blog is independent of what any one else thinks, so post I will.

This weekend we went back to Salt Lake to take Kayla, Rachel and Dan's 10 year old home after she spent the night. We had the chance to interact with some old friends. One of which was once the person I was willing to give anything and everything that mattered up to be with 15 years or so ago. My family didn't want me with him. My Bishops warned against him. And I kept on desperately wanting to be with him. And if that meant giving up my values, so be it.

I once actually expected to be with him indefinitely.

We almost had a baby.

And then it just didn't work out. It was never going to. And I gawk at the person I was then. And the way I behaved.

I now am married to one of his friends from that time period. And I have 5 children that I worried would never be mine.

And spending an evening with this other person was eye opening to say the least.

I used to be unable to NOT have some form of contact with him. For 16 years, no matter what happened, he was still on my "contact list." Cutting him off completely was never an option. Until the Blog War of October. THEN I cut contact 100%. We interact "loosely" on a site that we are both a part of, but never directly.

And to go from that to spending an evening with him was overwhelming. And I just wanted to SCREAM when it was over.

He started out alright. And I was DETERMINED to prove that I wasn't one to be anything but gracious. His presence wasn't going to be a problem. Period.

And it wasn't until throughout the night he got progressively crankier. And I was happy to stay on the other side of the room.

And then I asked a simple question. Which I GUESS was an issue for him. He evaded and then accused me of making it into more than it was.... and THEN without missing a beat went at Elizabeth for crying over something "dumb." (Which I agree was not worth crying about, but STILL that's not HIS place, it's mine.) Now get nasty with ME all you want. But I PROMISE you don't want to turn on my child. PERIOD! I WILL bite you! ;-)

Needless to say, my whole attitude toward the situation changed at that moment. And it brought up a whole bunch of irritations that I had to work out of my system.

Point to be made. He is not the person I would want to be going through this life's journey and into eternity with.

I'll bet when I was 14, many people HOPED I'd come to that conclusion before it was too late, and I'll bet many of them were afraid I never would.

Thank HEAVEN I proved them wrong!

Ten things I L O V E about him!!! or Have you ever tried to tame a Shrew?

I know this is a bit cliche and even cheesy. But how can I NOT write this?

David is out of town on a job for the FIRST time with Halliburton.

And for the first time, we left on AMAZING terms. We've had occasions where he has left on BAD terms, ok terms, traumatic terms. Never amazing!

And over the past little bit, how wonderful my Husband is has become more and more apparent.

We LIKE eachother more than I think we ever have. And we are more in love than when we eloped 9 years ago.

So, I thought I'd put together a brief list of what he's been doing that has brought us here.

1- I LOVE his love of the arts! We had a very art filled weekend this past week. We went to the zoo, where he insisted on purchasing a piece of art made by an elephant. It's one of a kind, and definitely abstract, and wasn't cheap. But he really wanted it. And I LOVE that he wanted it. Because it shows a love for things outside the box. It fits perfectly in the space above our bed that was waiting for a good piece of art to fill it, and with him gone, I love looking at it there!

2- One leads to two. You see, $50 for a watercolor picture drawn by an elephant wasn't one the top of my list of things to spend our $ on this past weekend. But how could I refuse a man who would do everything he could to get me the moon if I asked. He has found that balance between gifts and service that totally speak my Love Language.

3- Again, 2 leads to 3. His traits just flow into a perfect blend. David is the kind of husband who will take all 4 children off my hands when I need it to show me he loves me. He changes poopy diapers, gets up in the middle of the night with the children, and does the bed time routine on his own every night. He is lightens my load every chance he gets. And NOTHING says "Love" to me like that!

4- Loving me is NOT an easy job. I don't accept mediocre at ALL! Half Ass is not in my vocabulary except as the worst insult possible. I know that sounds harsh, but it's just unacceptable. David has to jump through hoops DAILY to keep me happy. And I let him out of his obligation once. He could have walked away and never looked back. But he not only didn't do that, he pursued me and jump in with both feet once again. This man has been willing to deal with me not ONCE, but twice. And he keeps giving me the BEST gift in the world... he willing supports my desire to bring more children into our Family. We are on our 2nd since the divorce, and I've gotten him to agree to a possible 3rd.

5- He is NOT perfect. And I am not one to accept the "I'm not perfect, I accept this, therefore I will be lenient with myself and not expect too much" mentality. I can accept the fact that mortality is synonymous with imperfection. But I also realize that is no excuse for not doing your best. And David has come SOOOO far and has such a desire to succeed. He isn't perfect, but he TRULY puts the effort and care into his job and family that shows how much he WANTS to do it right!

6- This man gets up every morning, even sometimes with small amounts of sleep, goes to work, gives it his all, and then comes home and helps with children and housework. I could NOT do that. I can handle the 24/7 demands of parenthood. But to work full time also, well, I don't do the no sleep thing. He has had periods of time without a job. And sitting around playing video games was not on his agenda. He worked what ever jobs he could. He took an "ok" job to get the ball rolling, and kept applying till he worked up to a good job that has the promise of providing for his growing family.

7- He supports my need to be a stay at home mom. Through bouts of unemployment, and low paying jobs, David has NEVER asked me to go back to work. He knows that my core belief system tells me that I need to be the one to be home with my children. And with 5, it's not worth it financially to pay for daycare. And he's OK with that. I have not worked one day outside the home since Elizabeth was born that I didn't want to or need to for reasons other than finances.

8- He APPRECIATES what I do for our family. He tells me "Thank You" for being willing to stay at home and take full responsibility for our children vs asking someone else to do it while I pursue a career. You have to understand that I had a career in the making. I was the primary bread winner before Elizabeth was born. I LOVED my military career and gave it up to stay home and raise a family. And he VALUES that.

9- He is a secure, loving, and supportive partner. He doesn't feel threatened by my independence. He doesn't feel threatened by my successes. He backs me up on goals and ambitions. When I want to go out, and I get dolled up for it, he doesn't assume that I am going to cheat on him. He likes that looking good makes me feel good about myself.

10- He likes me and accepts me just the way I am. 200 lbs or 130 lbs HONESTLY doesn't matter to him. Which is so nice because it means that we can enjoy good food together, and he still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Which boosts MY desire to be in good shape and look good for him.

As I write this, I realize that this is just the TIP of the ice burg that is a HUGE list of things I LOVE about my Husband. I just hope he knows what an amazing catch her truly is, and I would be the luckiest girl EVER to keep him for good!

WOW!

It's interesting how by sitting at home and NOT talking to anyone, the facts of my life CHANGE overnight.

All of a sudden the reasons for my Marriage, Divorce, and even my son's existence are NOTHING like they were a day ago.

So to clarify in DAVID's OWN words:


We got a divorce in July of 2008 "because we were in an abusive relationship that was no longer conducive for our family's well being and to stay in the relationship the way it was, someone was going to end up dead or in prison. And not for any other reason"


In September 2008, David had a Demon (not a figurative one, but the kind that Bible stories are based on) exorcised from him.

David and I were remarried in October of 2008. 9 months and 2 days later, Jacob was born a week early.

Any questions? Because THESE are the FACTS.

The Parable of the Diamond Ring

I don't know why I felt like I needed to share this. But I did.....
I believe very firmly not only that there is a God, but that we are his children. Literally. That his relationship to us is just as literal as mine with my biological children... but perfect. Here is a story about something that confirms that belief in me.
In 2008, David and I divorced. I was certain at that time that there was another Man, Jared, I was destined to share the rest of my life with (that is NOT why David and I divorced.) Jared and I had already looked into engagement rings, and had found the exact ring I have always wanted. When David and I married in 2002, he was a newly returned Missionary with no $, so I had to forego that luxury.
I felt very strongly that I should start making payments on the ring. Shortly after this, Jared and I called things off. I still felt that I should continue purchasing the ring. This led me to believe that things would eventually turn around and work out with Jared.
At the end of September, the ring was 1/2 way paid off and I realized that things were never going to work out between Jared and myself. But I felt that I still needed to continue paying on the ring.
Around the middle of October, I was surprised to see that David and I were at a point where we wanted to give our marriage another go. We went to look at the ring. He told me that if the ring didn't fit me so perfectly, he would want to trade it for a different one.... since it was the ring that had been selected with someone else. He paid off the ring and we were married 2 weeks later.
Here's the moral of this story: I believe God knew that things were going to eventually work out between David and me. He knew that even though I didn't NEED a new ring, I wanted one. And that I wanted a specific ring.... after all, I had an idea of exactly what I wanted when I was a teenager, and it had never changed. It was a luxury that I could have done without. But just as I enjoy giving in to my Children's wishes when there is a toy or something that they really want, I believe that God enjoys letting us have some of the "pretty" things WE want. All we have to do is give him the chance.
This example has helped me so much over the past year. It reminds me that sometimes it's ok to ask God for something we want... even if we don't necessarily NEED it. And that He cares about that just as much as we would if it were our Child asking for something. Because He's not just a Divine Being who controls the universe. He's a Parent. The Perfect Parent. Who not only loves His children, but loves and cares about us perfectly.