Predictable

If the person I'm thinking of still reads this blog, then this is quite predictable to them, and I hesitated on posting it for THAT reason. But I've boasted that my Blog is independent of what any one else thinks, so post I will.

This weekend we went back to Salt Lake to take Kayla, Rachel and Dan's 10 year old home after she spent the night. We had the chance to interact with some old friends. One of which was once the person I was willing to give anything and everything that mattered up to be with 15 years or so ago. My family didn't want me with him. My Bishops warned against him. And I kept on desperately wanting to be with him. And if that meant giving up my values, so be it.

I once actually expected to be with him indefinitely.

We almost had a baby.

And then it just didn't work out. It was never going to. And I gawk at the person I was then. And the way I behaved.

I now am married to one of his friends from that time period. And I have 5 children that I worried would never be mine.

And spending an evening with this other person was eye opening to say the least.

I used to be unable to NOT have some form of contact with him. For 16 years, no matter what happened, he was still on my "contact list." Cutting him off completely was never an option. Until the Blog War of October. THEN I cut contact 100%. We interact "loosely" on a site that we are both a part of, but never directly.

And to go from that to spending an evening with him was overwhelming. And I just wanted to SCREAM when it was over.

He started out alright. And I was DETERMINED to prove that I wasn't one to be anything but gracious. His presence wasn't going to be a problem. Period.

And it wasn't until throughout the night he got progressively crankier. And I was happy to stay on the other side of the room.

And then I asked a simple question. Which I GUESS was an issue for him. He evaded and then accused me of making it into more than it was.... and THEN without missing a beat went at Elizabeth for crying over something "dumb." (Which I agree was not worth crying about, but STILL that's not HIS place, it's mine.) Now get nasty with ME all you want. But I PROMISE you don't want to turn on my child. PERIOD! I WILL bite you! ;-)

Needless to say, my whole attitude toward the situation changed at that moment. And it brought up a whole bunch of irritations that I had to work out of my system.

Point to be made. He is not the person I would want to be going through this life's journey and into eternity with.

I'll bet when I was 14, many people HOPED I'd come to that conclusion before it was too late, and I'll bet many of them were afraid I never would.

Thank HEAVEN I proved them wrong!