Lost Virtues

Forgiveness is so UNDER rated now a days. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... so is Empathy!

If one could see the effects of their actions through another's eyes. Feel the effects through another's heart, Would they be so hasty as to wound and judge.

I realized something last night. That those of my Friends who know the WHOLE story, are still around. While those who only know 2/3rds are not.

I believe it may mean that A) Those who have been told the whole story are able to grasp a deeper level of truth and existence, there by making them more understanding, and less likely to judge what takes place on the surface. Or B) I am really hard to understand, and those who know the whole story have all the pieces which makes understanding me and the situation easier. Or Both.

What's interesting is that I write it all down. If you're reading this you have either heard the stories first hand, heard the stories second hand, or read about them in this blog. It's ALL here. But those who I have not DIRECTLY told, don't seem to know it.

I hide NOTHING. I protect myself as much as I can while keeping to what I feel is MY code of ethics: Integrity.

I have nothing to hide, thus I hide NOTHING. I WILL protect my family though, and if you pose a threat, I will NOT give you ammunition.

I guess you could say that I speak in parables often. So, I guess those who have ears to hear, and eyes to see, do. And those who have not the fortitude to discern, miss out.

Back to the original point. Why are forgiveness and empathy so difficult to come by?

I try to understand others perspective, and judge liberally vs rashly. (do NOT misunderstand. I admit freely that I can REACT rashly. But to actually have that action be my final judgement is RARE)

And I've noticed that forgiveness is an INCREDIBLY rare commodity. People hold the smallest offenses over you eternally now days. But I am realizing that people who can't forgive others almost NEVER have the ability to forgive THEMSELVES. So I guess at least they're consistent on that one.

So, do not judge...leave that to God. Have empathy. And forgive.... YOURSELF and that might make it so much easier to forgive OTHERS!!!!

Gratitude: Day 8

I am REALLY Grateful for the Spiritual uplift I got this weekend! As the scriptures say "Ask and ye shall receive." I asked to be spiritually refueled, and got a HUGE dose of what I needed! It's hard to go back to "real life" after my much needed break. Let me say that I am SOOOO grateful for the ability to go to the Temple. And brushing shoulders with Elder Oaks..... that Man radiates power and authority!

Relationships

One of the things I struggle with and David and I have had MANY arguments over, are the way people see relationships differently.

I grew up in a Single Parent home. We lived with My Mom's Parents. I had My Aunts, and Cousins around ALL the time. All of My Grandparents are deceased.

David grew up in a Traditional 2 Parent, 4 Children home. He has a relationship with his Extended Family, but not like I had with My Extended Family. His Grandparents are all still living.


The only way I can describe how are views differ is to give examples.

The most recent being the other night.

I have a Friend who is married to a Man who has been married before. And in my opinion, the relationship he has with his Ex-Wife is weird. It seems very hot and cold. He HATES her, and can't say enough about how horrible she is. But she's not only very involved in their Kids' lives, but the lives of the kids he has with his new wife.

There's also (with David and me) the fact that I see relationships very much in black and white. And I think David sees a lot of gray. What I really think is that David knows the gray isn't ok, but doesn't want to admit it.

Like with Jared. It was black and white. My marriage was OVER. I was emotionally DONE. And David knew from day ONE where I stood. That he was pushing it too far, and I was not going to stay around and deal with it anymore. That I was ready to be done and move on.... with the best results possible for the Girls' sake.

I din't pretend at ALL that I was willing to work things out. Which is one reason I got a restraining order FIRST thing. I wanted clear outlined limits. I wanted financial obligations defined, and property settled UP FRONT.

And so while I will admit that what took place between Jared and myself was handled inappropriately, and I had to deal with the consequences, I believe (and the Church approached it) it was more as though I had been Single and been involved with him than as though I had been married and involved with him.

But then there's the "thing" with a couple of David's ex girlfriends. I think he blurs the line sometimes. The "thing" that I mentioned from few years ago where he was talking to his ex girlfriend. And in my mind, the conversations they were having were JUST as bad as having a relationship. But to David, it was too gray to be Bad. Even if he couldn't classify it as white.

Another example is that after I went downstairs to sleep the other night, David came down, and tried to pick a fight. He went off on how if I wanted the kind of relationship his ex girlfriend had with his Grandma, then I should be putting more effort into it.

And I see it as I am married to him. Therefore, it doesn't MATTER if I put in that extra effort or not, I not SHE am still his Wife. And whether his Grandma and I have a close relationship or not, SHE (the ex) still has No CLAIM on it.

I'm not trying to go back to a fight that is done and over with.

I just think it's interesting how people view relationships so differently.

It also goes along with Favoritism. And how so many people don't realize, or won't admit that they do it.

I am fiercely loyal. And I try really hard to be the same "temperature" all the time rather than switching between 2 extremes. And people who are hot and cold, or passive/aggressive give me whiplash! If I liked you yesterday, I like you today, and will like you tomorrow. UNLESS you do something that causes problems for me. I try to never close doors on people and Friendships. But I won't be abused either. And I'm sorry, but we live in a world where people ARE hot one minute and cold the next. And those people often make it almost impossible NOT to be (or appear) passive/aggressive when dealing with them. I once read a quote that said something along the lines of "Don't argue with crazy people, others might not be able to tell which one of you is the crazy one." And it's just like Ginger said about how the "Crazies scare off the Non Crazies."

Anyhow, I realized recently just how much respect I have for people who are able to make up their mind about a topic, and stick with it. Of course, moderation in all things right?! Otherwise, it can turn into being judgmental, and closed minded. But that right there is exactly why BALANCE is so important!

The Parable of the Diamond Ring

I don't know why I felt like I needed to share this. But I did.....
I believe very firmly not only that there is a God, but that we are his children. Literally. That his relationship to us is just as literal as mine with my biological children... but perfect. Here is a story about something that confirms that belief in me.
In 2008, David and I divorced. I was certain at that time that there was another Man, Jared, I was destined to share the rest of my life with (that is NOT why David and I divorced.) Jared and I had already looked into engagement rings, and had found the exact ring I have always wanted. When David and I married in 2002, he was a newly returned Missionary with no $, so I had to forego that luxury.
I felt very strongly that I should start making payments on the ring. Shortly after this, Jared and I called things off. I still felt that I should continue purchasing the ring. This led me to believe that things would eventually turn around and work out with Jared.
At the end of September, the ring was 1/2 way paid off and I realized that things were never going to work out between Jared and myself. But I felt that I still needed to continue paying on the ring.
Around the middle of October, I was surprised to see that David and I were at a point where we wanted to give our marriage another go. We went to look at the ring. He told me that if the ring didn't fit me so perfectly, he would want to trade it for a different one.... since it was the ring that had been selected with someone else. He paid off the ring and we were married 2 weeks later.
Here's the moral of this story: I believe God knew that things were going to eventually work out between David and me. He knew that even though I didn't NEED a new ring, I wanted one. And that I wanted a specific ring.... after all, I had an idea of exactly what I wanted when I was a teenager, and it had never changed. It was a luxury that I could have done without. But just as I enjoy giving in to my Children's wishes when there is a toy or something that they really want, I believe that God enjoys letting us have some of the "pretty" things WE want. All we have to do is give him the chance.
This example has helped me so much over the past year. It reminds me that sometimes it's ok to ask God for something we want... even if we don't necessarily NEED it. And that He cares about that just as much as we would if it were our Child asking for something. Because He's not just a Divine Being who controls the universe. He's a Parent. The Perfect Parent. Who not only loves His children, but loves and cares about us perfectly.