One of the things I struggle with and David and I have had MANY arguments over, are the way people see relationships differently.
I grew up in a Single Parent home. We lived with My Mom's Parents. I had My Aunts, and Cousins around ALL the time. All of My Grandparents are deceased.
David grew up in a Traditional 2 Parent, 4 Children home. He has a relationship with his Extended Family, but not like I had with My Extended Family. His Grandparents are all still living.
The only way I can describe how are views differ is to give examples.
The most recent being
the other night.I have a Friend who is married to a Man who has been married before. And in my opinion, the relationship he has with his Ex-Wife is weird. It seems very hot and cold. He HATES her, and can't say enough about how horrible she is. But she's not only very involved in their Kids' lives, but the lives of the kids he has with his new wife.
There's also (with David and me) the fact that I see relationships very much in black and white. And I think David sees a lot of gray. What I really think is that David knows the gray isn't ok, but doesn't want to admit it.
Like with Jared. It was black and white. My marriage was OVER. I was emotionally DONE. And David knew from day ONE where I stood. That he was pushing it too far, and I was not going to stay around and deal with it anymore. That I was ready to be done and move on.... with the best results possible for the Girls' sake.
I din't pretend at ALL that I was willing to work things out. Which is one reason I got a restraining order FIRST thing. I wanted clear outlined limits. I wanted financial obligations defined, and property settled UP FRONT.
And so while I will admit that what took place between Jared and myself was handled inappropriately, and I had to deal with the consequences, I believe (and the Church approached it) it was more as though I had been Single and been involved with him than as though I had been married and involved with him.
But then there's the "thing" with a couple of David's ex girlfriends. I think he blurs the line sometimes. The "thing" that I mentioned from
few years ago where he was talking to his ex girlfriend. And in my mind, the conversations they were having were JUST as bad as having a relationship. But to David, it was too gray to be Bad. Even if he couldn't classify it as white.
Another example is that after I went downstairs to sleep the other night, David came down, and tried to pick a fight. He went off on how if I wanted the kind of relationship his ex girlfriend had with his Grandma, then I should be putting more effort into it.
And I see it as I am married to him. Therefore, it doesn't MATTER if I put in that extra effort or not, I not SHE am still his Wife. And whether his Grandma and I have a close relationship or not, SHE (the ex) still has No CLAIM on it.
I'm not trying to go back to a fight that is done and over with.
I just think it's interesting how people view relationships so differently.
It also goes along with
Favoritism. And how so many people don't realize, or won't admit that they do it.
I am fiercely loyal. And I try really hard to be the same "temperature" all the time rather than switching between 2 extremes. And people who are hot and cold, or passive/aggressive give me whiplash! If I liked you yesterday, I like you today, and will like you tomorrow. UNLESS you do something that causes problems for me. I try to never close doors on people and Friendships. But I won't be abused either. And I'm sorry, but we live in a world where people ARE hot one minute and cold the next. And those people often make it almost impossible NOT to be (or appear) passive/aggressive when dealing with them. I once read a quote that said something along the lines of "Don't argue with crazy people, others might not be able to tell which one of you is the crazy one." And it's just like Ginger said about how the "Crazies scare off the Non Crazies."
Anyhow, I realized recently just how much respect I have for people who are able to make up their mind about a topic, and stick with it. Of course, moderation in all things right?! Otherwise, it can turn into being judgmental, and closed minded. But that right there is exactly why BALANCE is so important!
