A Little Help from my Friends

Can't even believe today. It started fine. We even made it to the park. Of course then the weather got chilly and looked stormy, and it was all down hill from there. But Fortunately, the things that went wrong were only surface.... all though they stung. We got a call saying that the job in Alaska is on hold for the time being. HOWEVER, when they DO interview, David is at the top of the list. BUT that could be June, or it could be February. And while having 2 parents available 24/7 is sure a lot easier than ONE parent, it doesn't do much for our financial plans ;-).

So, then I had a coupon for a free 48 oz carton of ice cream at Smith's that I just HAD to use. And some how, thanks to shallow pockets, I not only lost the COUPON, but $20 (we only had $40) as well. Which SUCKED because we had really been trying to be conservative. Since I went to a movie, I gave up my book (s) that I really want to get. So, that FREE ice cream actually cost us $25.

I come home, and yeah, it sucks ROYALLY that we're stuck possibly even LONGER in this situation, PLUS down $20, BUT David and I are getting along, the kids are doing realitively well, and when I have this kind of luck, I usually end up in jail and that ALWAYS costs us a MIN of $150.... so $20 isn't so bad in relation.

I'm really seeing the glass as half full, but really the only word to describe my thoughts is "SHIT!" ( which I said over and over again as I scoured Smith's for my missing $ and coupon)

And even though I actually apologized UPFRONT for my "abrasive" language, it's MY page, and I wanted to share "Shit!" ;-)

But there always has to be that ONE person, who not only doesn't understand the "pain" but has to make it about THEM. So, one of my Friends from HS, gets offended, and handles it ok, but NOT how the situation NEEDED to be handled. And Ginger hit it RIGHT on the head when she said that the person "...really knows how to pump a girl up when she's down, don't she? Maybe Terrenna should hide your status's if she don't like 'em. :D And I say this with love..." EXACTLY! I needed to be "pumped up" and EVERYONE could either see that and show their support, or see it enough to know NOT to get openly offended. So here I am trying to show Terrenna that I understand, but what she said didn't help any, and she goes one step farther and gets openly offended about offending me.

Meanwhile, I am trying to get in touch with My Mom. Who is not answering her phone or her door even though her car is home. My half full glass was draining REAL fast.

But seriously. Ginger came to the rescue so thoroughly. Because all I really needed was someone to understand. Then Kim. And David was GOLDEN. Then when I DID finally get a hold of My Mom, even she was above and beyond.

And I learned a few valuable lessons.... or rather had them emphasized since I've kind of learned them a bit ago:

1) I have a pretty positive attitude.
2) I am VERY blessed.
3) Education is Key. Terrenna could only be so offended over something so small because she lives in a box.
4) The TRUE show of someone's self esteem is how they treat people when they are hurt. Someone with a low self esteem will try to bring others down to their level, while someone with a healthy self esteem will HATE the thought of someone else feeling the way they currently feel and will try to elevate others.... which is the only REAL medicine for feeling bad about yourself, and pays off.
5) Along with #4, there are things, situations, what have you, that you can only understand if you've experienced it. And people will normally not take your word for it on THESE situations because they SEEM like a gamble. However these situations have "circle" type remedies: You feel bad about yourself, so you try to help someone else, rather than wallow. This leads to a sense of making a difference, which boosts YOUR feeling of self worth, which leads to a higher self esteem, which leads to more contribution. Love works the same way. So does helping/taking care of others.

House Hunting

I got online today to see, since we very well might not get "Our" house, what kinds of houses are for rent. And was pleasantly surprised to find a whole LIST of 5+ bedroom homes for a very decent price. :-)

Support me. Believe in me.

I have really struggled with the support/lack of I receive from the people I am close to. My Mom, and David are so supportive..... SOMETIMES.

My Mom fascinates me. I don't think she has any idea what kind of a difference it would make if she had a little more faith in me. We were talking tonight for the 1st time in almost a week (since I told her I was going to the Passion Party and she got all "judgmental" on me). And I dropped the "bomb" that I KNOW she hates. Why, I don't understand. But it doesn't matter if it's the 1st or 5th Child. But I told her I want to get pregnant again.

Now, I KNOW I'm not the World's Best Mom. But I also know that I am FAR from the worst. I LOVE My Children. They KNOW I love them. I am upfront and honest about what I feel and think..... but even beyond that. I make SURE that I show them every day. I tell them that I am not perfect, but that I love them and will no matter what. I don't withhold affection. I dote on them.... TO them. I expect them to treat each other and others with respect, and despite my imperfections, I try really hard to set the example. There is NOTHING that I do that doesn't have their best interest in mind. I believe that for the most part, they all fell safe, loved, appreciated, and that they are in an environment where they can be THEM and feel secure in that.

And with our belief system, I feel like there are more Children meant for our Family.

And My Mom of all people SHOULD understand that. And it'd be different if this was how she reacted after I'd had a few. But she reacted this exact same way when it was Elizabeth I was announcing my pregnancy with.

Then there's David. He is so perfect for me when we're getting along. But he resists change... even though he says he wants it.

When we separated and ultimately divorced, he was really fighting me on the whole food storage thing. And now, he's a firm believer. He's currently SERIOUSLY resisting the schedule idea. I have no doubt that in time he'll come to see the benefits. Just as he did the food storage.

I am a dreamer. I am a striver. I see things in the future that I WANT, and I begin working for them. As I've said before, my "Good Luck" follows an "If you build it, it will come" pattern. So I have learned to "dress for the job I want" rather than be satisfied dressing for the "job I have." I love My Family, and I want them to have the best chance for success in ALL the attempt.

Who's plan is this anyway

So, here it is. And I've just realized that I want to get pregnant this year. And my life seems so up in the air. I think I just am wanting things settled.

I want David to get this job. I want this house. I want to have Jacob's birthday party in this house. And I want to have a Baby in the summer of 2011. Yup. that pretty much sums it up. And I don't know if ANY of that is in the plan for me.

BUT even taking away the pregnancy, I don't want to wait any longer to fall into a routine in a place where we FIT.

OBVIOUS "Hidden" discrepancies

I get tired of people who tell me they don't favor one person over another who then seem to go out of their WAY to show that they DO.

I especially hate this when it comes to Family. I have been "downgraded" several times because it's just not "fair" to show me and My Family "special" treatment. But then, wait. That only seems to apply to US.

I HATE seeing "Friends" or even EX Girlfriends of David "connect" with "Family" on a level that they would NEVER try with Us.

"special" treatment, and preferences ALWAYS exist. And trying to pretend they don't is just dishonest. SO just TELL me you like them better and let me go where I feel cared about for Heavens sake.

It's just a house

I am sure so many of you are sick of hearing about this house. But I cannot tell you how this house just FITS us. It's like I came up with a plan for how I wanted my life to go, and this house just fits that spot in the puzzle. But it's a LONG shot! First of all, we don't have the BEST credit. Then there's the price. And add to that the fact that someone is going to be leasing it as of June 1st unless we can, in the next 29 days, get approved for the loan.

But my faith in God, and the things I have experienced tell me that it's possible that with HIS blessing, and help, the impossible isn't impossible.

I do know that it will bless not only our lives, but I see a lot of good that I can do with the location and space this house would provide.

One thing I want to look into is My Mom moving in with us. David and I have talked about this, and think it would actually work in a house like this. It has a segment of the basement that would give her the space she needs to still live independently and interact with us when she wanted. It has 2 kitchens, one right off of a bedroom, and "playroom" (that doesn't HAVE to be a playroom) so if she wanted to cook her own food and eat downstairs while she watched tv, she could. There is a separate entrance in that same segment of the house with NO stairs. Which means she can come and go without even having to see us, and she wouldn't have to deal with her knees bothering her going up and down the stairs. The ONLY thing she would have to go anywhere to use is the bathroom. The one in the basement is down the hall by the Kids rooms, but when she showers in the morning, they'll be asleep. And at the ages they're at, they don't even really need to use that bathroom.

Anyway, that's just ONE thing that this house would provide. There's also the fact that Elizabeth just CAN'T share a room. We've struggled with this since Elysia was a baby. And Jacob needs his own room too. Elysia and Abby could prolly share a room until they're ready to move out, but that still means we really need a min of 4 bedrooms. Then there's the fact that I really WANT two more pregnancies. So that's a min of one more bedroom.

So the original 4, +1, + My Mom leaves us ONE bedroom in this house. And that's really not much extra space. So it's not like we want this enormous house when we only NEED half the space. Especially when you add me homeschooling.

Then considering that I won't have the Playgroup here if we move. I want to be able to do something like it. The space of this house + the yard would let me be able to have something like that and be able to invite people over.

And I've already said that I LOVE having people over. I would host EVERY holiday if I could. And in this house, I COULD.

Again, this house is just PERFECT.

Our House

We just spoke to Laramie, the Realtor handling the house in Tooele. It turns out that the family selling the house is signing papers to Lease it to someone for 2 years. We have to have a pre approval in hand by June 1st if we want to buy it.... which is what they prefer to do. So, if David gets this job in Alaska, and we have an actual offer from them by the 21st of May, we might actually have a chance. Otherwise, we can pretty much let it go and look elsewhere.

I know it's just a house. And I truly want what God has in mind for Our Family. Because I KNOW He cares, and knows best. But I have so many plans and dreams that work so well with this house that I can't even imagine finding one more perfect for us. And I really will be truly sad if we have to find a different house to turn into our home.