Imagine

I L-O-V-E the Playgroup Moms I have the privilege to associate with.

I L-O-V-E MY LIFE!

I L-O-V-E the fact that when my life ends on this earth, I will look back and KNOW that I had a FULL life. I will not have to wish I had filled it with meaning. I will not wish I had chosen poop and snotty noses over a high paying career. I will not wish I had lived life. I will not wish I had someone to love. Because I HAVE all of that. I have summers full of craziness. Winters full of runny noses to wipe. I know what it is to have a life so full that we are gone all day and the cleaning doesn't get done. I L-O-V-E the path I have chosen. I L-O-V-E the 4 MONSTERS that run me ragged. The MAN who drives me NUTS with his incessant inability to "get it right" after being told a MILLION times.

What more could I want.

Yes, I wish we had more room. More money. More time. BUT..... :-)

Need to clarify

I think I offended a few people with my Blog about how a family member suggested we car pool when we went to the Temple last month. I think some got the idea that I was saying that it was rude of them to ask us to car pool with THEM. And I got some comments after that on "maybe they were just trying to be nice." What the actual situation was: They were suggesting we find someone from our ward to car pool with. They weren't offering to car pool with us.

Clear as mud?

What I'm learning about Church, life and following The Spirit

Today was interesting as far as this topic is concerned. First of all, I was up in the air as to whether or not to go. Which brings up interaction with The Spirit and feelings #1: I felt I should, and decided to go. I came home from the yard sale Amanda, Ginger and I had the past 2 days, got myself ready, got Abby, and made it ON TIME to church. As I sat in Sacrament meeting, I felt isolated and left out. It was Fast and Testimony meeting. Which brings me to interaction with The Spirit and feelings #2: I felt that I needed to bear my testimony. To which I responded by figuratively digging my heels in and refusing. And then ultimately conceding and saying a few not very eloquent and shaky words.... but I DID it. I sat down and wanted to leave quietly as soon as the meeting was over. Which brings up interaction with The Spirit and feelings #3: I felt that I should stay and go to Nursery. Which I ended up doing. And I feel very fulfilled from all 3 experiences. I know that I grew from them, and that my relationship with The Spirit, and ultimately my relationship with My God and Father grew.

2nd thing I really want to talk about is that I think I have ultimately figured out the formula for passing this test we call "Life." I have come to truly 100% believe that if one can master these 3 things, they have it made.


1) Empathy: A) the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
B) the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also the capacity for this.

2) Gratitude: the state of being grateful: thankfulness.

And 3) Endurance: A) permanence, duration
B) the ability to withstand hardship or adversity; especially : the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful effort or activity
C) the act or an instance of enduring or suffering

I believe that these are also what the Atonement and scriptures are ALL about.

A name is just a name

I have decided that one name I will be really sad to never use is Liberty Belle. I've liked it for YEARS. Even before it was used in Juno. I just saw that one of my Cousins' Counsin used the name Liberty, and it reawakened my love for that name. Soooo

C'mon job and house. Cuz now, we not only need a David, Prudence, and Arabella (which COULD maybe be forgone in exchange for Liberty Belle. I mean Bella/Belle, they're the same right?!).... we need a Liberty :-) I have never wanted to have children past the age of 35. MAYBE 36. But I guess it's a good thing I have another 8 good years left in this body of mine ;-)

Yesterday

Yesterday evening was full of adventure ;-)

I went to the store to get groceries for David so that he could take care of the Kids so I could spend some time with Friends.

I ran into Nadia. She is the one who gave Cameron the ammunition to fire David last year. I have many times played in my head what I would say or do given the opportunity. Well, that chance came, and I was genuinely nice to her.

Then, I met Jen and Shane Nielsen, and Ginger for dinner at the Brewery in RS. We've known eachother for so long. They were around during my "Glory Days." And they haven't changed much. They've always seemed to get things about me that most don't. And as we were talking, Shane seemed to understand almost everything. Except one thing. And after thinking about it, I realized that the one thing he DIDN'T understand was something that was completely based on my being a Mother. They don't have children.... which is fine, but there are some things that just "are" when you have them, and I realized last night that those things are like empathy. Hard to really understand unless you've BEEN there.

Then, after dinner, Ginger and I went to see a movie. It was between Robin Hood, and Prince of Persia. We ultimately decided on Sex and the City. And I'm glad we did. I NEVER thought I'd be willing to see that movie. But it was a movie that didn't make me feel like I had wasted the $9.... and that's always a good thing.

As we got to the theater, Ginger pointed out that Shane had been talking to my chest at one point. This wouldn't be worth bringing up except that for many years now, I have wondered if Shane was flirting with me. It's nice when something like that is proven to be more than just in my head. One less factor towards me being delusional ;-)

Sex and the City was one of those movies that left me feeling very content with my life. So did dinner with the Nielsens.

All in all, I came home with a feeling of contentment. Excited to be in my life :-)

My FAVORITE Book.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on y our way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

Is it just me?

I'm really glad that the only people who read this Blog are Women.

Am I the only one, who when I get the idea in my head that I want another Baby, and My Husband isn't really ready, and we don't have the room, and we don't have the job we need, is still disappointed the day those tale-tell signs of starting my period show up and I KNOW I'm not pregnant?

I think the thing that is the hardest right now is the struggle in my mind.... between my mind and heart as to whether or not we SHOULD have more. I want more DESPERATELY. The idea of never being pregnant again is hard for me right now. That to me tells me I'm not done. But some days having the four I have is so hard. I am so emotionally involved in them, that they emotionally and physically drain me DAILY. And I really don't want to be a parent who is spread so thin that they all suffer for it. I want to be able to have the ability to give them the attention and resources that they deserve.

So, it goes back to the waiting game. See what happens with David and a job, and us getting a house. Then..... we can worry about that.