If I Bend too far, I Might Break

"Some things I cannot, I will not allow!" Fiddler on the Roof * If you've read my past couple of posts, this is a common theme. I've had it with bending, being walked on, and getting pushed around. "It's not healthy, for me to feel this way."... Alvin and the Chipmunks ;-) * This past week, I have learned more than at any other time about NOT giving up what I want for people who don't matter. There are a couple of Cliche phrases like "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." That are running through my head right now. My Neighbor came over tonight with good intentions, and TRULY sent an already hectic evening into hyper drive. And I realized why I am such a HARD ASS!!!!!!!!!! I have ZERO reason to change. What does it do for me? It's not usually appreciated, and I end up feeling like a door mat. It's not worth it. Almost No ONE wants to be emotionally involved or committed enough to the relationship to stick around for the after math. And that's their choice. But then they don't get the right to shake things up. Period. And I wonder if Heavenly Father agrees on a certain level. I wonder if He has been wanting me to get to this point where I will stand my ground and not be movable on ANYTHING. Because My Children need to learn certain lessons as NON Negotiable. And if I bend on some things, what's to stop me from bending on everything. I need to be firm. I need to be un movable. I need to pick a side and stay there. And so, I am. My word is solid. No means no. Sorry. I may lose even more "friends" over this. I may have more heart ache. But I know it will be temporary heart ache. It always hurts worse and longer when it's the pain from compromising your values. Now I just pray that the people who matter will understand. That my children will somehow see that Mommy is so strict because she loves them and needs to be firm and strong, and not swayed. For ANYTHING or ANYONE.

House Rules

Ok, so I am really amazed that I even have to come up with this. But things I thought were basic common sense/basic respect, are appearantly NOT. If it's on the 1st part of the list, I guarantee my word that I will never, nor will I EVER allow my children to do it in your home. I will begin with the ones that are what I deem common sense/courtesy. And end with the ones that are specific to MY HOME, and are not something someone would think of automatically. 1) No jumping on the Furniture. 2) No throwing. 3) Stay out of My Dishwasher. If you need a clean dish, check the cupboards. If it's in the dishwasher, it's either dirty, or it's clean and I want it to stay in there (I often have clean, sanitized baby stuff in there. Please leave it alone.) If what you need isn't in the cupboards, ask. Don't just go searching. Don't just start putting stuff in there. you could very well be mixing dirty dishes with clean dishes, and I don't need the extra work, thanks. 4) If you create/bring the mess, you clean it up/take it with you. 5) Do Not break, smash, or slam toys into walls. I don't CARE if they're just kids. we're not going to SUGGEST they respect our home. We're going to EXPECT it. And the Parents need to do the same. 6) YOU are responsible for your kids. If your child is jumping on the bed, and I have said "Please don't." The next time it happens is YOUR responsibility. If your child wants something to eat or drink, you need to wait on them. I already have 5. ******************************************************* 1) NO SHOES on the carpet. NONE. NADA. NON. Ne. Nej. Nein. Don't come in, remove your shoes, and when it's time to leave, put them on and then walk through my living room. (It's a Really common thing that people do.) I have Booties to go over your shoes, but they are reserved for really select situations. Not just anyone who doesn't want to bother taking their shoes off. 2) The entry way/kitchen in my home is Not a play area. Think about it. Do your kids really play in your entry way? I have observed many homes, and it's NOT a "normal place" for playing. That's where the door opens and closes and people come in and then go on their way. Mine is no different. ( I GET that in some homes, especially older ones, there is no separation of the entry way and living areas. But in newer homes or split level homes, there is a DEFINITE separation, and in MY home, the entry way is not in the main stream area at ALL.) I don't baby proof my kitchen. NOTHING in there is for playing with. Our toys and Children stay in the carpeted areas of our home. Bathrooms are not for playing in either. 3) Your child's potty issues are YOUR responsibility. If they need help, you need to be helping them. I don't want to clean up my OWN Family's bodily fluids/excretions. I CERTAINLY don't want to clean up their's... or YOURS. (see #4 above.) And they (as well as you) need to wash your hands after using the bathroom, cleaning up a bodily fluid/excretion mess, or changing a poopy diaper in my home. I don't care what you do in yours. 4) Don't change a poopy diaper in the middle of my living room unless it's a child under the age of 8 or 9 months. Once they are having "big kid" poops, you are welcome to use the changing table or bathroom. ESPECIALLY when there is a crowd of people in my home. Sorry if any of you think that this post is seriously over board. And "Boy does she have a rigid way of existing." But think about it. This is really all pretty common sense. It's respectful. It makes our time together more enjoyable, and means that when you leave, I'm not thinking that "I don't ever want to do that again!"

Not in MY home you won't!!!!

Alright. The gloves are coming off on THIS pet peeve. Do Not EVER come into my Home and disrespect me. I don't care how close we are. I don't care if you're super duper comfortable with me. If I want to open the cupboards, pull every single dish out, and declare them dirty and fill up the sink with sparkling clean dishes to wash all over again, it is MY choice in MY home. Now, if you want to choose to not associate with me because you find that to be abusive to my Husband and kids, or that just made it so there were no dishes to be used and I invited you over for dinner and now there's no way to eat, FINE. But if you don't want to be my Friend just over the act of putting all my clean dishes in the sink, you're shallow. I am AMAZED at how many people come into my home and criticize me. In My Home!!!! It's like I have a sign on my wall that says "Feel Free to Tell me just how dis satisfied you are with MY way of doing things." The biggest reasons I HATE this trend is A) It's Just Plain Disrespectful and B) I would never DREAMof doing it to someone else. Unless the way you do things in your home reflects poorly on me or affects My Family directly, I will keep my mouth SHUT!!!!! It's NOT my place to criticize you. EVEN if it's bad for YOUR family to live in the environment you provide. If I don't like the environment, I don't have to be in it. Now, I would hope that you might choose to take me aside and have the assertiveness and respect to talk to me if there's a problem. For example: "Candace, I know it's your home, but I don't like to come over because I find some of your rules a bit much." (VS "I don't do THAT!" or "I can't believe you do THAT!" or "Why can't you do that differently?") And I can then explain why I do things the way I do and see if we can reach a compromise. Or you can always take me aside or have a conversation privately with me about things that are an issue for you when it comes to safety or any other topic about how I do things. And because My Friends and Family are INCREDIBLY important to me, I would be HAPPY to see if there is a way to help make us BOTH comfortable.... because I would LOVE to continue to have the people I care about feel comfortable and be a part of our home. ******************************************************** It was really interesting to me the other day when we were at Temple Square, to be sitting by the fountain, looking at the Temple and have a group of people walk over, take some pictures of eachother with the Temple as the backdrop, and then very bluntly mock and criticize how the Temple works. One of the things I believe The LDS Church is unfortunately good at, is allowing people to openly criticize their standards on their turf. But I just couldn't help but think that if you're going to mock, do it outside of the Church's buildings and property. And this is how I feel about MY home. Criticize all you want.... Somewhere else. If you choose, when I am at YOUR home, feel FREE to point out how much better your way of doing things is. But My Home is MY Temple. To worship how I choose. And to feel how I want to feel. People who can't show me THAT respect, will soon be hearing about it the moment they cross that line! I am DONE standing by and allowing it in My Home!!!

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Latest Recommendations

Every so often I like to post about AWESOME deals/products that I find to be extraordinary. My latest kudos go to: *Happy Chappy: My Friend, Ivy, has started making all natural products like Body Butter and Lip Balm from essential oils. *Sisters Craft Corner: My Friend, Wendy, makes WONDERFUL crocheted products like Barefoot Sandals, Hats, Headbands, etc for Children. I own 3 pair of her Barefoot Sandals and a matching headband for one pair now. (look for her products on Etsy) *Slumber Parties: My Friend, Wendie, is a consultant. I use the Aftershave Protection Mist DAILY on My CHILDREN!!! Scrapes, diaper rash, sunburns... all treated with this spray do sooooo much better. Then there is their Between the Sheets bedding spray. LOVE it! I spray ALL of the beds, and our living room furniture with it!!! *Velata Fondue: Mmmmmmm! Chocolate! Need I say more?! I am now a Consultant for it.... get with me if you're interested. *Scentsy: Both of my SIL's have recently purchased or melted scents that I LOVE! Satin Sheets, Well Dressed Man, Fried Ice Cream.... along with Just Breathe are my current favs. Again, I am a Consutltant, so get with me if you're interested.

4 Years

It's been 4 years exactly this week since David and I separated on our way to divorce. WOW! 4 years, one divorce, one marriage, 2 kids later ;-) I Love My Life!!!!!

My Mom

SUCH a sensitive topic now days. I love her sooooo much. I was NOT the nicest or easiest daughter. I am a lot nicer to her now than when I was younger. I'm still not the easiest. But I cannot find the WORDS to express how much I appreciate her. She is everything I need in a MOM!!! She loved me for 20+ years of Hell, and loves me still after all I put her through. She NEVER gave up on me. And now, I know just how much I have ALWAYS ALWAYS needed her.

I am sooooo glad to be back in Utah to be close to her. Not just because she does so very very much for us, but because I want to be close to enjoy the time with her.