Happy Veterans Day 2015

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

The ongoing effort to shine: Habits of Happiness Day One

I purchased this book this weekend.  And tonight, we began reading it as a Family.

We will be learning about 6 or 7 of these habits over the next couple of weeks.

Tonight, we began learning about Habit # 1:  Do not focus on your weaknesses.

Instead, focus on your strengths.

Birthday Delivery (s)

This year,  for the first time in a few years, David picked out and planned to surprise me with a series of packages delivered to our home.

First,

A New Orleans Saints sleeved blanket. 

Followed by 

New Orleans Saints Beer glasses (which I've come to LOVE for entertaining)

Then

A New Orleans Saints straw dispenser already stocked with gold straws.

Finally,  

Cherry Lime and Blood Orange Italian Soda flavoring. :-D

My life changed today

I went to the Jordan River Temple today.  I've been going to various Temples for one reason or another my whole life. I've been doing Baptisms for the Dead since I was 12.  And have been able to do the "Full Service" work called a "Session" for almost 12 years now.

Deborah and Mark watched Jacob and Bella Thurs, yesterday and today for me.  And my mom watched my other Girls for the same amount of time.

So Thursday, I was able to go with my ward plus Becca Johnson, Rebecca and Bryon Carpenter.

Today, I was able to go with the Kropfs.... SERIOUSLY my VERY favorite people EVER!!!

And although EVERYTHING was exactly what I've seen and heard a thousand times, it was different.

***I*** was different. And my Soul was touched. And I understood on the deepest level who I am, why I am here, and who God is to me.

I can't help but wonder how different my life would have been if I had felt and understood the way I finally did today.

But, I KNOW God understands that I just. wasn't. ready.

I want to be better.  I want to be cleaner.  I want to be GOOD.  REALLY REALLY GOOD.

Because once.. a LONG time ago, My Older Brother, and Savior, Jesus Christ said, "It's ok. I'll fix it because I love you." <3 p="">

July 17th 2015

THE DAY OUR LIVES CHANGED FOREVER!

Let's start with the 16th.  I was spotting.  I've NEVER done that before during a pregnancy.  I felt like I was going to start my period.  I just wanted to curl up in bed. So I did.  I only had Elysia and Bella that night, so I pulled them into bed with me, rented a movie on demand and went to sleep. The morning of the 17th, I woke up and called David.  I told him I was spotting and he told me to call the DR as soon as they opened.  Which, I did.  They told me to come in at my earliest convenience.  

I got the girls up and we went and got David from the airport.  Then they dropped me off at the DR.  He told me there probably wasn't anything to worry about.  That a pocket of blood sometimes forms called a Subchorionic Hemorrhage. But that it's usually minimal and nothing threatening. He did a vaginal ultrasound and found that the hemorrhage had formed a clot that had separated the placenta from my uterus and cut of all nourishment to the baby. There was no longer a heart beat and not blood flow to the placenta or baby.

He offered to operate to remove the baby, or to give me medicine to help it get done faster.  I was holding on to some hope that it was a fluke and would be ok and told him I'd let it happen on it's own.

About 1 am on the 18th, I passed a mass about the size of my fist, and it was over.

We were heart broken.  David even had a rough time with it.  But it is what it is.  Baby Joey had a heart beat.  And we love him.  But The Lord knows what he's doing.

In the mean time, after the Dr, we met Jake and Tiffany over at their house, so we could go sign the papers to make it OUR house.

3900 sq ft. 1/2 acre of land.  All ours!!!

Back again

WOW! SO much has happened.  We got our house.  Not the one we built.  But one that is so much better for us. I lost the baby we were expecting just over 1 month ago. And I had a life changing trip to Las Vegas.... I have had so much running through my head.  I hope I can organize (remember) it well enough to make it into posts.

I promise logic

I've been thinking and thinking.... with my ASD characteristics, I over think A LOT. But it's because I can't leave the equation incomplete. Enter the "Who's On First" scene from Rain Man.  It's an incomplete equation.  And he can't leave it incomplete.

SO, anyway.  The thing I've rolled over and over in my head is my NEED for no shoes to be worn in my home.  And this is what I've come to:

I have seen enough scientific proof that wearing shoes in the house defeats my goals.  In can actually pull up articles that support it.  Therefore, my battle is finished.  I can now simply say "No shoes."  And if you want to argue, I'll give you a link to take it up with.

The thing here is actually NOT the shoe issue.  It's that logic has become a less than normal defense.  When it should be the FIRST defense.

Almost EVERY one looks at my reactions as emotional reactions.  But I'm actually NOT a highly emotional person. (I have proof of THAT too).  I'm a logical reactor.  When it goes against logic, I get offended.  Every one is hung up on the idea that I get offended when my "feeling" are hurt.

If  you saw someone on the sidewalk with no legs, you would not expect them to walk around.  So it should not be expected for a non emotionally rationalizing person to think with their emotions. 

ASD is not as obvious as missing legs. But it DOES mean that the person accomplishes their goal differently than NON ASD people.  Just like someone without legs has to go about their goals differently than someone with legs.

Fight all you want. You CANNOT force what is not possible.  You cannot MAKE a brain work differently than it is wired.

So the next time you think something I say is unfair, or demanding, or makes no sense, look at it logically not emotionally.

Is it LOGICAL that I, not you dictate the rules in my home?
I'm not demanding respect as much as the logic that I deserve the respect in my home.

It's logical that I, not you clean my house.  Is it logical that I dictate how much mess I have to clean in my home?  Emotion says "Be kind above all else."  Logic says " Of COURSE it's reasonable that I make the rules in my home."

If you keep trying to get me to respond according to the emotional "Right", you will continue to get a fight out of me because I CANNOT, and DO NOT work that way.