I promise logic

I've been thinking and thinking.... with my ASD characteristics, I over think A LOT. But it's because I can't leave the equation incomplete. Enter the "Who's On First" scene from Rain Man.  It's an incomplete equation.  And he can't leave it incomplete.

SO, anyway.  The thing I've rolled over and over in my head is my NEED for no shoes to be worn in my home.  And this is what I've come to:

I have seen enough scientific proof that wearing shoes in the house defeats my goals.  In can actually pull up articles that support it.  Therefore, my battle is finished.  I can now simply say "No shoes."  And if you want to argue, I'll give you a link to take it up with.

The thing here is actually NOT the shoe issue.  It's that logic has become a less than normal defense.  When it should be the FIRST defense.

Almost EVERY one looks at my reactions as emotional reactions.  But I'm actually NOT a highly emotional person. (I have proof of THAT too).  I'm a logical reactor.  When it goes against logic, I get offended.  Every one is hung up on the idea that I get offended when my "feeling" are hurt.

If  you saw someone on the sidewalk with no legs, you would not expect them to walk around.  So it should not be expected for a non emotionally rationalizing person to think with their emotions. 

ASD is not as obvious as missing legs. But it DOES mean that the person accomplishes their goal differently than NON ASD people.  Just like someone without legs has to go about their goals differently than someone with legs.

Fight all you want. You CANNOT force what is not possible.  You cannot MAKE a brain work differently than it is wired.

So the next time you think something I say is unfair, or demanding, or makes no sense, look at it logically not emotionally.

Is it LOGICAL that I, not you dictate the rules in my home?
I'm not demanding respect as much as the logic that I deserve the respect in my home.

It's logical that I, not you clean my house.  Is it logical that I dictate how much mess I have to clean in my home?  Emotion says "Be kind above all else."  Logic says " Of COURSE it's reasonable that I make the rules in my home."

If you keep trying to get me to respond according to the emotional "Right", you will continue to get a fight out of me because I CANNOT, and DO NOT work that way.

What's my problem

You've read over and over my complaints about my Husband's family....specifically the way things are with his youngest brother.

It's NOT his choices that bother me.  I don't care that he had tattoos,  drinks,  whatever. IT doesn't affect me at ALL.

What affects me is being shunned by David's parents while his gf is loved.  And is not because it's me. It's because MY CHILDREN are the ones who get punished.  When Grandma and Grandpa attend everyone else's parties but theirs,  they're not stupid.

The problem with being Gay....and other alternative life styles

God vs "alternate" lifestyles.....

Argument: God is love= loves everyone for who they are= any lifestyle is acceptable.

Problem with this equation : God IS love.= He wants or souls to be happy = Anything that damages or souls is not good for us = Imagine falling in love.  And then never being able to be together once you die = your soul breaks once you're separated.

It's not a matter of His wanting your happiness to be limited.  It's not a matter of He WON'T let you be together forever.  He CANT allow it.

God didn't become a God by conquering the laws of the universe.  He is so good at working WITH them that he can accomplish ANYTHING.  But He is still bound by laws.

He wants us to be happy. And He CANNOT break the law to allow our happiness

We celebrate life and growth

I am a Mother.  NOT the best one.  But a Good one.  I. LOVE. MY. CHILDREN.  I celebrate each of them, Born or unborn, they matter.

The source of life is light.  With out it, we become stagnant.  And putrid.  EVERY time you choose something other than light, you darken.

SO, yes.  I will campaign for light.  I will campaign for God and HIS way.  Because even accepting un Godliness is campaigning for darkness.

In David's family, I have seen an absolute example of "harmless" apathy. Where a love of light is professed, and even expected. But actively working to achieve a constant relationship with light is not maintained.

My Hisband and I were held to a standard.  We have met that standard.  But it took 13 years and a lot of tripping, falling down, and getting back up for any fruit of our labors to be noticeable.  My youngest BIL is held to no standard whatsoever.  He is doing OK by general world standards.... but really BARELY.  At 22, he has designer clothes, but no drivers license. He expects to have what he his older brothers do, with 1/4 of the effort. Yet he is celebrated while my Husband is shunned.

It's fine by the World's standard that he chooses not to marry and start a family, but instead live with his girlfriend.  But not by God's standard.

And his parents have chosen to support his lifestyle over ours.  Which is their prerogative.  But what they refuse to understand is that they can't have both.

They CAN choose to celebrate my BIL's cohabitation relationship.  They CAN favor his girlfriend over me.  And they CAN celebrate his 3 cats and his ability to feed them and provide shelter for them on equal ground as My Husband's fathering of 6 children.... plus a cat.

But they CANNOT have both them and us.

They want to wish him a Happy Father's Day (because we'd HATE for him to be left out after all), that's fine.  But don't post my children on the list along with his 3 cats.

They are worth more than that.

I am not here to control ANY one. But that doesn't entitle them to have everything.

You CAN make your choices.  But you CANNOT alter the consequences of those choices.  And in this case, the consequence in supporting his lifestyle, and holding him higher than we because our choices have been different , is that they can have HIM. NOT US.

Please do NOT include us

A picture was posted today for Father's Day. Of My husband, his 2 brothers and his brother in law.

Only 3 have ever fathered or provided parental care for another human being. But that, apparently is no longer the criteria for being celebrated on Father's Day.

I understand that there are extenuating circumstances where a man DESPERATELY wishes to Father a child.  And can't.  He becomes a Father to ANYONE he can.  He LOVES his nieces and nephews, and Friends' children with all he has.  He adopts pets and loves them as children.  HE is a Father.  The Man who marries a woman with children and takes them as his own.  HE is a Father.

The selfish 22 year old who chooses not to enter into marriage, takes a job that's fun vs pays the bills, has made ZERO attempts at caring for young humans other than to occasionally play with nieces and nephews, and has a few pets for companionship is NOT a Father.  NOT BY ANY STRETCH of the word.

And yet, in this world of entitlement, we'd HATE for anyone to be left out.  Just show up and you get a trophy, right?

WELL, I had to do 9 months of HARD time and carry the scars, weight AND 18 more years of hard time to get to be included in Mother's Day.  My Husband works his ASS off and only sees our Family half of the year so that we can have what we need.  This AFTER 9 months of supporting MY hard labor.  THIS has entitled him to being celebrated on Father's Day.

And it's a symptom of everything wrong with this world: Those who ask for equal rights are NEVER satisfied with Equal Rights.  They want Superior Rights

I've learned a lot about this being married to David.  When we fight, in many ways, it's because he sees ONLY a win/lose situation as possible.  This is not God's way. Have you ever thought about the fact that there are BILLIONS of people on earth.  And when something works out in YOUR favor, is it ONLY at the detriment of others?  Not when God is involved.  It is guaranteed that when something works in your favor and His hand is in it, it is also benefiting any number of others.

For example, on Thurs, I was EXHAUSTED.  But had scheduled to work out with my SIL.  I REALLY wasn't up to it but I let it play out, and she ended up cancelling because it didn't work for HER either.We both benefited from the outcome.

And so. with this new world order, we do not want to be included with your celebrations that no longer take any effort or consideration  of a win/win scenario

Touch is essential

Touch is essential. And because of that,  Satan had robed it just like he tries to ruin everything good: sex,  technology,  family.......

A good family practices regular appropriate touch

I can be mean.. And I can stop

I used to lament over how another day had come and gone, and I wasn't perfect yet.  And after YEARS of putting myself through the misery of self condemnation, I FINALLY came to the realization, and gratitude for the little moments.  Those moments when I say "I'm Sorry."  When I realize I was abusive or mean, and I let my ego take a hit and put the people I love first.

I have been VERY clear with My Husband and Children that we do NOT allow bullying in our home/Family. And it doesn't matter WHO it is. I am not allowed to bully.  And neither are they.  And I have 36 years of being how I am....good and bad ETCHED into every fiber of my being.

But I CAN change.  Every second that I do better, it's something.

And so, I can make A moment BETTER, even if I can't make EVERY moment PERFECT.