If you don't feel "good enough"

I'm sorry to say this, but sadly it's true, that bang ups and hang ups CAN happen to you....

I have a Friend, who yes, used to be a Boyfriend. Who told me the day we OFFICIALLY broke up for GOOD that I had a way of always making him feel inadequate. At the time, I felt awful about this. I apologized profusely and was heart broken that my mistakes in how I "treated" him was costing me him forever.

12 years later, I have that thought running through my head. In the past 12 years, I have been through good times and bad. Relationships that ended in breakups and even divorce. And I've heard from more than just him that I am demanding and make my significant other often feel like no matter what they do, they just aren't.... and never will be, good enough.

And I feel bad, and I struggle to change how I treat people.

And then, after this weekend, I really have come to believe that it MAY not be me that is the problem.

This ex boyfriend is someone we have done things with as couples over the years. And I have been in contact with him in the last 6 months. And he has said to me "Keep inviting me to things, I can't make it this time, but I will make it one of these times."

So, I do what I do and I keep inviting him. And now, he just doesn't bother responding at all. Even to a direct "Will you be there?" And I CAN'T count on him even as just a Friend. Even when I have made an ENORMOUS amount of effort at personal cost to be there for his family during hard times.

And I am thinking that being with him permanently would have been AMAZINGLY frustrating! And there would have been no relief from it..... EVER. Because he has never really made an effort to rise to a higher level unless it catches his interest. And while that's great, I believe the makings of a truly great person is the ability to rise to a higher level on not only the things you like, but also the things you don't necessarily find interesting.

And I watch my Wonderful Husband, who HAS risen to a higher level in so many ways. And I think that those who complain that they are made to feel inadequate have their own internal issues that make them feel that way.

Throughout my life, I have had people who have been constantly on top of me pushing me and telling me to do better when I felt I was doing my best and that their constant unappreciative way of not acknowledging my efforts was so unfair. Until I looked deeper into their motives, and pushed myself to meet THEIR expectations of my best and not settle for my own. And I cannot tell you what that has done for my self esteem and what I have accomplished.

I am not a quitter. I do not know HOW to quit. Because no one ever let me. And it doesn't matter what someone says to me, I am able to work through it without taking a permanent hit to my healthy way of looking at myself and life.

So, I'm sorry, but if you feel inadequate, there is prolly a very good chance that YOU need to change something. Maybe deep down you KNOW you're not giving your all in some aspect. Because if you are doing EVERYTHING you can to maximize the results you get, then you have NO reason, not matter what ANYONE says, to feel "Not Good Enough."