Yes, here it is: WTF!!!!!!!!!

I am a genuinely nice person. And as I have come into my own so to speak over the past year, I think I've gotten nicer. More assertive. Less agressive. I stand my ground more. But I can truly say that there is not a mean bone in my body. When I get heated, it is loud, but short lived, and if there is ever a moment where I hurt someone's feelings, ESPECIALLY The Girls, I am quick to make things right.

I would do just about Anything for those I care about.... Friends, Family..... even strangers.

And yet I'm not "good enough" for people.

And that is C-R-A-P!

SO, I'm sorry I'm not good enough. Sorry I am too loud, too pushy, too fat, too over the top, funny looking, funny smelling, not a good enough parent, not a good enough Mormon, not sexy, WHAT THE F EVER it is that makes me not high enough quality for YOU and YOU and YOU and YOU!!!!!

BUT I have a WONDERFUL Family of 6 with 5 people who worship the ground I walk on. I am caring, outgoing, strong, HONEST, GENUINE, and I work my absolute hardest EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY to be better than the day before. I am confident, sassy, sweet, and I have an AMAZING capacity for love. And I NEVER abuse the relationships I have.... I know just how valuable they are.

Very First Special of the Month

I am officially set up with Passion Parties and am offering my price on:

Liquid Body Silk in Plumeria (if you don't like Plumeria, I can find out if it comes in the Gree Tea)
Goes on like a lotion, then dries like a powder to give you a cool, comfortable instant freshness. 4.6 ounces. My Price is $8.40. I am excited to get this one now that it's hot outside. Because even here in WY where there is ZERO humidity, it's humid right now.

Let me know :-)

Book Review for Dark Flame

Dark Flame by Alyson Noel



I Liked this book.... I however was looking for an end to Ever's Dilemma, and rather was met by a new challenge. This however DOES mean another installment which is fine by me. So, it equals out. :-)

View all my reviews >>

Passion Parties

I am determined to show those of you who get a stereotype in your mind when you hear the words "Passion Parties" how useful these products are even for those of us "Mormons" who don't use certain things and aren't interested in the "toys."

Passion Parties have more than just sex toys. There is a line of body care products: Shower Gel, Shave cream, Body mist, pillow mist, lotion, lip gloss, etc. that are great. SOOOOO, since I am signing up this week, I am going to be offering one product a month at my cost. I will start with the things I have mentioned above.

So, if you are interested in pampering yourself, take advantage of the deals.

For those of you who may not be interested in the things I've listed, let me know, and once a month I will offer you one item at my cost.

But I want to tell you all that the reason I am investing in this particular business is education. I believe that many of us are "in the dark" about the things related to this line of product and what they can do for us. Many of us don't discuss this topic. So we may not know that there are things out there that can enhance the time we spend with our Spouse as well as help us relax.

So, I fully encourage those of you who are more piously LDS than even I am to give the products I am selling a chance and maybe try the lotions, shave cream, candles, etc. and see what you think.

Many of the products are great for not only their "original" purpose, but softening rough heals, chapped lips, massaging backs and feet, etc.

My story

I met a new Friend the other day. And oddly enough, there is a connection that is odd, but real. She used to be in the Army. She is a Christian though not LDS. And she is very abrasive. After spending the day with her yesterday, I would actually say I am tame in comparison. She is quite a bit more abrasive than I am. But we get along. And it's the combination of things. A portion of it is the military part. She gets things about being a Mom and Woman who has been in the military that others cannot get who haven't been there. It's like trying to understand Mother Hood without being a Mother. It's not because there's something wrong with you (if you can't fully grasp it) it's because there are certain things in life that you just cannot fully understand without having experienced it for yourself.

I told her about a part of my history that I actually tell almost NO ONE. And with some, I have hinted at or touched on this particular story, but not actually come out with it in all of it's honesty. Because she doesn't understand certain parts of my belief system, I left some key details out.... but found other ways to get the point across. And now, I want to tell the story in it's entirety.
********************************************************

About 4 years ago, David and I were in a place in our marriage that was HORRIBLE. It was like something out of a nightmare. Our daily relationship was a nightmare that was sometimes clouded with good moments.

David came close to mortally injuring me on more than one occasion. And once I even knew that it was nothing short of Guardian Angels protecting me that kept me alive. And prevented Abby (who I was pregnant with though a lot of it) from being harmed.

I struggled for a long time with the fact that no one else ever saw this side of him. Because it's just not like him.

I struggled with the contradictions in his personality. For example, I would SEE the hurt and compassion in his eyes.... but his actions were cruel and mean. (clear as mud?)

After the divorce, I went to see a Friend who has a "Gift" for being able to see beyond the veil that keeps most of us from interacting with the "other side."

She has the ability to see and interact with those who live beyond that veil. Both the good and the bad.

She told me about a Boy. A Little blonde haired boy who was lingering around me. One who had not yet been born. She told me about an Aura (another thing she has a gift with) that was attached to mine, which normally only happens when a pregnancy is underway or in the immediate future. (basically, I was linked to this Boy. Either because I was pregnant, or soon would be.)

She told me of multiple Guardian Angels assigned to me. Which is A) Something my Patriarchal Blessing mentions (and something I had never mentioned to her) and B) very uncommon for those of us who are not children (babies and young children will often or always have multiple Guardian Angels)

And after spending some time with David, she was able to tell me that he was sharing his body with another "entity." A Demon in layman terms. One who hated me with a vengeance and whose job it was to prevent this Boy that lingered around me from joining our Family here on Earth.

She was able to sit down with David. And guide him to the scriptures and steps he needed to use along with the Priesthood to dispel this entity.

She was with David (who was skeptical) for about 2 hours while the Girls and I were outside of the house waiting.

When David came out, he was a different person. And skeptical as he had been, he recounted the experience to me. Told me of this entity. And that they had communicated as it left. It had put up a fight. He had asked it what it wanted, and it told him. And then he commanded it, through the Priesthood, and in the Name of Jesus Christ to leave.

And things have gotten bad at times since then. But NEVER on the level that they were before.

That little boy who she told me about is now a part of our Family. And this Friend actually had a part in naming him.

You may be skeptical. You may think my marbles must be scattered. How ever, after having BEEN in the situation, and knowing FIRST HAND the feelings, and reality of every bit of this story, I can tell you that it is not a story. It really DID happen. And as Joseph Smith once said, "I knew it, and God knew that I knew it. And I could not deny it." SOMETIMES truth is stranger than fiction!

May as well just be "gay"

Seriously. I think I would almost find more acceptance if I was "Gay" than what I am.

My Mom for one might actually be more ok with that than the truth.

And the truth is that I am a committed Mother and Wife who holds my Family and my God very dear. Who BELIEVES in being a Christian. Who made an AWESOME batch of pudding shots the other day, and ate 3. And is becoming a Passion Party Consultant. Who drinks occasionally socially, and who's marriage is better for it.

I BELIEVE in the Word of Wisdom: Everything in moderation. I believe that some things are BAD for you and you shouldn't even mess with them ie: Tobacco and Drugs (meth, pot, cocaine, etc.) I believe that red meat and candy are worse for your body than an occasional pudding shot or cocktail.

I believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. And everything it represents.

I believe in the restoration of the TRUE Church of Jesus Christ.

I believe in the Priesthood and it's power as the manifestation of God's Power on Earth.

I KNOW David holds this Priesthood. As do all of the worthy Men who belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and have had it bestowed upon them. I KNOW Thomas S. Monson is REALLY a modern day Prophet. And every single Man that has been called by him to serve in a leadership position is just as legit.

But all of that as a package deal offends many people. I can' be open about my beliefs because of the combination of the pudding shots and passion parties, and the Temple and Priesthood.

But there it is folks. I've gotten over the "acceptance" factor. Because whether you should or not, some of you will NEVER respect me for the person I am no matter WHO I am. And those of you who won't, it's not because I am undeserving. It's because you can't see outside of the box.

Father's Day

We did most of our Father's Day "celebrating" yesterday. We went to see "Toy Story 3" in RS and then to IHOP.

I have to say that I am so grateful for David. We've had our SERIOUSLY HORRIBLE moments. But on a "normal" day in our lives, I love being with him.

When we were going through our divorce, as DONE as I was with everything, and as much as I wanted to be with Jared, I was still a fence sitter. I could not let go of David. And when I had a moment of choice where I had to cut and run from David or lose Jared, I let Jared go. I KNEW the things I needed to do to convince Jared to stay when things were ending. And I turned to David instead.

And I'm glad I did. We have a Forever in the making.

And he is and always will be the Father in my Children's lives.