Cake Pops

Oh My Yummmy! Whipperberry is giving away a book that tells you how to make these treats that look soooooo addictive and like a REALLY good idea for all kinds of occasions! My Favorites from what I've seen are the simple, yet classy Rose Buds.

My WORST fear

The other day (Sept 11th to be exact) David and I were talking. I had made it all day without getting too emotionally involved in the day. I mean, it was a TRAGEDY of epic proportions, but I was lucky enough to be 2000 miles away and NONE of my Family or Friends were directly affected by it.... except for those who were in the military and that was only through having to be deployed.... which still was HARD, but a different hard than dying or losing someone in the towers.

Any how....

When we sat down and were talking, he started telling me stories about things he'd seen on tv about that day. And they were detailed stories from people who were there .

TOO much!

Not because I can't handle it..... normally.

But because I take it in and personalize it.

What if there is a situation where MY CHILDREN are in a death trap like that?

That lead my thoughts to: What if we have a situation where I have to save My Children from a fire, or other life or death situation?

Then I start thinking: Maybe I shouldn't have another Baby because that means 1 more that I could lose track of, not be able to save in an emergency, or have in a death trap.

I am not a doomsday type.... normally. But I AM a "Be prepared for an emergency, Realist."

So, by the time the conversation was over, I was in tears.

My WORST fear is losing one of My PRECIOUS Children. I'm selfish when it comes to that. I know my heart would break so TOTALLY that recovering would be insanely impossible!

Beating myself up

A REALLY Good Friend of mine commented just now on not beating myself up about the things that happen to my Kids that are out of my control.

And something that brought up is that I DON'T beat myself up. Over ANYTHING. It's OTHERS who do that.

A HUGE portion of the things that cause me anxiety are OTHER peoples' reactions to things. I am surprisingly good at taking things in stride. But others seem to not only NOT be able to do that, but are good at interfering and projecting their issues on me.

For example: Jacob or one of My Girls are mis behaving, upset, or just making a lot of noise. I am happy to ignore the behavior or discipline the behavior if necessary, but others seem to get involved, and it alters the way I am able to deal with it.

Really?

I'm fascinated by people who's profile pictures are of xrays. Not Sonograms of their unborn child.... that's tender. But xrays of broken bones, screws in their bones, etc. SERIOUSLY! And the only 2 people I've known to do this are brother and sister.... hmmmm.

Rock Springs, WY..... I want to call you HOME! But I'll take Texas ;-)

HOLY COW! So, yesterday, the LAST 3 bedroom apartment at David's work got leased out. :-(

Also, I had a ton of running around to do yesterday. I had to take David back to work after he came at lunch time to get us. Then, case lot sale to shop, Primary Program Practice for all 3 girls at the EXACT same time as Dance Class for Elysia, and pick up David from work. While driving around, I noticed a flat tire noise coming from the front tire (when I checked, it wasn't flat). We went to Walmart after David got off work, and leaving there at 9:30 at night, David heard it and pulled over to check. He informed me that both front tires needed replacing IMMEDIATELY. We were both worried about making it all the way to GR and back the next morning to get them replaced. So, I was gearing up to fork out the $ for a hotel. David was able to take us to the Apartment Complex's Corporate Suite (one of their 2 bedroom apartments reserved for when the boss comes to town but can be used by the employees for various things) and we spent the night. I was TOTALLY spoiled by this. And decided that a 2 bedroom like the one we stayed in would be ok. (how often do you get to try out an apartment before you lease, right?) I just didn't want to have to commute between RS and GR anymore.

Well, Abby and Elysia slept in one bedroom, Elizabeth was supposed to sleep on the couch, Jacob on the floor, and David and I in the other bedroom.

Abby and Elysia went to sleep in "Their" room. And David went into the living room to get Jacob to sleep. He had been hinting all night about sleeping in the buff since we had few clean clothes with us. So, after showering, I decided to surprise him and sleep in panties and a t shirt (at walmart, I had bought a package of panties for "that time of the months" when garments alone aren't conducive) Well, David fell asleep with Jacob in the living room, and Elizabeth came and asked if she could sleep with me. I was too tired to put my clothes on (they were also the only thing I had to wear today) so, my "surprise" was wasted on my 7 year old Daughter.

This morning, David went to work, and I got the children ready for playgroup. I had bought some warmer clothes for Jacob and Elizabeth (they have very few being the oldest Girl and only Boy) but nothing for the other 2. So, Jacob and Elizabeth had new clothes for today, but the other 2 had to wear what they had been in since yesterday. On my way to Playgroup, I felt that I needed to just get right to walmart and get the tires taken care of. While at walmart, I looked down and saw that Jacob's hand was BURNED! On the back he had 2nd degree burns on 3 of his fingers!!!!! I can't even FATHOM how he got them. I'm panicking about that when my van is done, and we rushed straight back to the apartment complex to get David's opinion on what to do.

We ended up deciding to just put Neosporin on it, and keep an eye on it. He wasn't acting like it was bothering him, and it would prolly be more of a pain than anything to try and bandage it.

We talked to the Leasing Manager about leasing a 2 bedroom, and she told us that the Fire Marshall won't allow it because there are more than 4 of us. AGH!

SO, then we got the kids back up to the apartment and cleaned and washed linens (David wasn't very busy, so he was able to help). We watched TV till David got off work, and then went to Wingers to celebrate Candis' (the "Wife" of a Friend of David's from work who happens to be female) birthday. Now, we're FINALLY home.

Keeping it together

I've gotten so much better at this lately.

I don't know if we can visit Salt Lake anymore.

Our lives seem to have found a Rhythm that is working. David and I don't get angry with eachother like we used to.... except when we get back from Utah. Ugh. That is a BIG problem.

Luckily some of our very favorite people like Dan and Rachel, and My Mom seem to be willing to come to us a few times a year.

Last night was yucky. David just wanted to be angry.

But I kept it together for the most part. And when I didn't, the "damage" was moderate. (unlike the damage David TRIED to inflict on one of our dining room chairs)

The things that David said to me were horrible at times. Jared was mentioned. And apparently I keep a tube of Creamsicle in my glove box in case the opportunity arises to cheat. (NO I don't. It was there because a Friend wanted to see what it tasted in case she wanted to buy some) But I understood that he was angry and wasn't thinking before he spoke. Plus, where was there a need to be offended since there was ZERO truth to what he was saying.

I think the worst thing was being punished for things that happened days, weeks, months, even years ago. :-(

But let me just say that my Faith in a God was definitely reaffirmed. Just when my heart was REALLY hurting, David seemed to be done. And My Mom has really been a blessing.... as always :-)

The Way it Goes

It's after midnight. Of COURSE it is! And I still have so much to do. Everyone is finally asleep. I finally got to shower. And I'm regretting eating the chips and dip I had about 2 hours ago.

We had some good Friends over for dinner tonight. I gave her most of what I had left of my Baby Girl Clothes. She's having a Baby Girl in Dec. and since that's when both Elysia and Abby were born... it worked out perfectly.

I have so much going through my head.

Having another Baby. Or not.

David getting this job in Texas. Or not.

Losing weight. Or not.

Organizing. Or not.

Better get on it :-)