Support me. Believe in me.

I have really struggled with the support/lack of I receive from the people I am close to. My Mom, and David are so supportive..... SOMETIMES.

My Mom fascinates me. I don't think she has any idea what kind of a difference it would make if she had a little more faith in me. We were talking tonight for the 1st time in almost a week (since I told her I was going to the Passion Party and she got all "judgmental" on me). And I dropped the "bomb" that I KNOW she hates. Why, I don't understand. But it doesn't matter if it's the 1st or 5th Child. But I told her I want to get pregnant again.

Now, I KNOW I'm not the World's Best Mom. But I also know that I am FAR from the worst. I LOVE My Children. They KNOW I love them. I am upfront and honest about what I feel and think..... but even beyond that. I make SURE that I show them every day. I tell them that I am not perfect, but that I love them and will no matter what. I don't withhold affection. I dote on them.... TO them. I expect them to treat each other and others with respect, and despite my imperfections, I try really hard to set the example. There is NOTHING that I do that doesn't have their best interest in mind. I believe that for the most part, they all fell safe, loved, appreciated, and that they are in an environment where they can be THEM and feel secure in that.

And with our belief system, I feel like there are more Children meant for our Family.

And My Mom of all people SHOULD understand that. And it'd be different if this was how she reacted after I'd had a few. But she reacted this exact same way when it was Elizabeth I was announcing my pregnancy with.

Then there's David. He is so perfect for me when we're getting along. But he resists change... even though he says he wants it.

When we separated and ultimately divorced, he was really fighting me on the whole food storage thing. And now, he's a firm believer. He's currently SERIOUSLY resisting the schedule idea. I have no doubt that in time he'll come to see the benefits. Just as he did the food storage.

I am a dreamer. I am a striver. I see things in the future that I WANT, and I begin working for them. As I've said before, my "Good Luck" follows an "If you build it, it will come" pattern. So I have learned to "dress for the job I want" rather than be satisfied dressing for the "job I have." I love My Family, and I want them to have the best chance for success in ALL the attempt.