It's All Coming Back to Me....

Almost 2 years ago, , and the few following it, started what I have referred to as The Blog War. It was explosive! It left me less a few "Friends". Thank GOD for trials! Thank GOD that things like that happen and if we use them right, make us better, stronger, and get us to places that are so much better than what we imagined then.

I look forward to the day I meet My Lord. I know that a sense of release will over take me. I know I will fall into His arms and sob! I know I will know infinite Joy at that moment. I just need to remember that daily when little temptations come my way.... in that moment, I want to be free of shame and regret. I make a commitment anew to repent and live a purer life!

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Anyway, the reason for this post is NOT that. Although I find it to be important as a Preface.


My reason for this post is that I have been fortunate to have a 2nd chance at one of those lost Friendships. And I am grateful.

And it made me reflect to this time almost 2 years ago.

And I realized that when Heidi posted her Blog post titled "I Would Do Anything For Love" (she has deleted that section of posts... Very mature of her but still they are gone, so I am NOT 100% SURE that was exactly the title of that post, but I'm sure it had to have been to have gotten me on this particular tirade.), It crossed a line with me. And after reading MY posts, I actually have already said that it got under my skin because it brings back the very first TRULY traumatic time I can recall in my life.

Her post brought back a time frame where I lost My Grandmother, My First Baby, My First Love. It's not that I was a "Hater" by any means. But that I felt that my trauma was someone else's playground.

I don't think she did it on purpose. I do think her following actions were AMAZINGLY insensitive and malicious... especially for someone who has felt that kind of pain. However, I am not posting this to open old wounds. Or to talk about what kind of person she is.

I am posting this because I am revisiting the time almost 2 years ago when my life changed. And looking into integrating people from that time frame back into my life means joining the past with the present.

And as I reflected, I realized that a line was crossed in my head and emotions when that particular song was mentioned. Not because I own it. But because she was in MY PLACE at HIS SIDE, using MY SONG!

It was the fact that I was watching a my life 11 years ago happen all over again. A time when I experienced more pain than up to that point, I had ever experienced in my LIFE. But I was the audience, while my Nemesis was ME! With OUT the pain. With OUT the trauma. What was a HORRIBLE time for me, was a WONDERFUL time for her!

I can write and write and write to try to explain. I just hope anyone reading this gets what I'm trying to say because more words will just make it a rambling mess.

This is all about coming to terms with WHY something SO innocent caused such insanity!

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Just a ♪ to end on, I DO think it was very mature of her to remove that section of posts. I however, will not be taking the gory parts out of my post list because it's a part of my history. And I want it to stay. It would be like removing my arm because it doesn't fit the mold of who I want to be like it used to. Clear as Mud?