I am who I am

I am who I am. I am that way because I know I need to be that way. But I often struggle with the balance between who I am, and who I need to be to get what I want. People expect me to be a certain way. Sorry, it's just NOT happening. But to limit the frustration I face OFTEN with these situations (the people and their expectations) I try to adjust a TINY... almost unnoticable amount for comfort and accomodation sake.

I think one of the most frusrating parts is that it's the people who SHOULD love me unconditionally who expect me to change the most. Just because they aren't that way, weren't taught that way, weren't shown that way, whatever..... AAAHHHH! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THE CLOSED MINDS of these people. I AM NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am NEVER going to do it the way YOU do. I do not have the same financial situation, the same home situation, the same marriage situation, the same religious situation, or the same education that you do. So STOP trying to make me just like you! It WILL NEVER BE!

I am so tired of dealing with uneducated, uncultured people who live their lives like Lemings in a computer game and who think that the way THEY are is the only way to be, so I should give up my intellect, and my vast knowledge of things they may never know, and be just like them.

What a Snob I have become.... but I want to spend my time with people on the same intellectual, and culture level that I am on. I am tired of acting, or speaking beneath myself for others. So, what are my options? Sometimes I feel like my ONLY option is isolation. That is a VERY frustrating thought because I LOVE to socialize.

And it doesn't help that there are people I care about who know NOTHING of the world I have and currently live in who I would like to spend time with because I love them. But I feel like I am ALWAYS the one making all of the compromises and having to give so much because they just WON'T. And it is almost laughable that one of the biggest reasons that they won't is because they live in such a bubble and are so oblivious to what's really out there, that they don't know anything's missing or that they are in a one sided relationship where the OTHER side gives and gives, and all they seem to do is take. They honestly believe that they are giving what they have to give.... when they don't even have a realistic idea of their resources and what life costs.

Anyway.......

I will always be me. And I strive every day to be the BEST me I can be. So, I'm going to stop complaining for now ;-) and get back to perfecting that.