I had a Dream

I dream. I am a dreamer. In many senses of the word.

And last night I had a dream that I would be reckless to forget.

It was terrifyingly real, and had so much detail that I could not have come up with, even with a really good subconscious. So, I deem it something worth paying attention to.


We were suddenly preparing for a possible nuclear attack. Actually, I don't think IF it was coming was a question. The immediate danger was palpably sensed. Not, "Do we need to worry?" but "what precautions need to be taken and how long do we have?"

And I realized as I took precautions with my food and water that I didn't have adequate supplies for hygienic purposes, and needed to run to the store. But alas, there was no time. As I locked the final cupboards to protect what I could, I asked David "How long do you think?"

And an actual Bomb hit the ground in a local area close enough that I KNEW it had hit.

When I woke up, I was grateful to know that it was a dream and not immediate reality. And also I was grateful for the detail that gives me a chance to be prepared in case this world does in deed come to this.

The Dream that started it all

When I was 19, I had a dream about the boy I was currently dating. In it, I was in the Jordan River Temple which at the time was just blocks from my home.

I was inside the Temple, and he was outside at the door trying to get in....which he couldn't because he didn't have a recommend ( a piece of paper from a Mormon Bishop which allows entry to any of the LDS Temples).

I went out to get him, and couldn't get back in.

What a premonition this turned out to be. I thought being in a relationship with him was the right thing and would "save" him from his rebelliousness. Not only was I WRONG but the damage the relationship did to me has been long lasting!

Wishing doesn't alway make it so

There are some things you can wish for all you want and they just will NEVER happen. Other things, with the right attitude, and a REAL desire, can be realized.

I am realizing this with my relationships. It's times like these when I REALLY wish I had a sister, or the kind of friend who was like a "mind twin."

Someone who would pick up on the little "routines" I go through. You see, there are certain things I do ONLY at certain times.

I really AM lucky. Because David picks up on them for the most part. But he is after all a GUY, and they are only intuitive to a point.

Like last night, he noticed me sleeping on my stomach. TOTALLY random to most. But he knows I'm not a stomach sleeper.

I'm eating healthier. Craving vitamin C. EXERCISING. It comes naturally to me at certain points in my life. I don't have to think about it. I just gravitate towards these things.

And it's predictable.... well, at least something about it is.

Unfortunately, I tell David so much that being intuitive isn't necessary on everything.

Maybe it goes back to the Parable of the Diamond Ring and "If you Build it..." thinking. Maybe what it is, is that I make up my mind that I want something, and between God and Me, it forms a plan and comes into being.

So making up my mind and telling David, kind of set things in motion and everything just falls in line. BOY I need that to work with this House and Job in Alaska.

Support me. Believe in me.

I have really struggled with the support/lack of I receive from the people I am close to. My Mom, and David are so supportive..... SOMETIMES.

My Mom fascinates me. I don't think she has any idea what kind of a difference it would make if she had a little more faith in me. We were talking tonight for the 1st time in almost a week (since I told her I was going to the Passion Party and she got all "judgmental" on me). And I dropped the "bomb" that I KNOW she hates. Why, I don't understand. But it doesn't matter if it's the 1st or 5th Child. But I told her I want to get pregnant again.

Now, I KNOW I'm not the World's Best Mom. But I also know that I am FAR from the worst. I LOVE My Children. They KNOW I love them. I am upfront and honest about what I feel and think..... but even beyond that. I make SURE that I show them every day. I tell them that I am not perfect, but that I love them and will no matter what. I don't withhold affection. I dote on them.... TO them. I expect them to treat each other and others with respect, and despite my imperfections, I try really hard to set the example. There is NOTHING that I do that doesn't have their best interest in mind. I believe that for the most part, they all fell safe, loved, appreciated, and that they are in an environment where they can be THEM and feel secure in that.

And with our belief system, I feel like there are more Children meant for our Family.

And My Mom of all people SHOULD understand that. And it'd be different if this was how she reacted after I'd had a few. But she reacted this exact same way when it was Elizabeth I was announcing my pregnancy with.

Then there's David. He is so perfect for me when we're getting along. But he resists change... even though he says he wants it.

When we separated and ultimately divorced, he was really fighting me on the whole food storage thing. And now, he's a firm believer. He's currently SERIOUSLY resisting the schedule idea. I have no doubt that in time he'll come to see the benefits. Just as he did the food storage.

I am a dreamer. I am a striver. I see things in the future that I WANT, and I begin working for them. As I've said before, my "Good Luck" follows an "If you build it, it will come" pattern. So I have learned to "dress for the job I want" rather than be satisfied dressing for the "job I have." I love My Family, and I want them to have the best chance for success in ALL the attempt.

It's just a house

I am sure so many of you are sick of hearing about this house. But I cannot tell you how this house just FITS us. It's like I came up with a plan for how I wanted my life to go, and this house just fits that spot in the puzzle. But it's a LONG shot! First of all, we don't have the BEST credit. Then there's the price. And add to that the fact that someone is going to be leasing it as of June 1st unless we can, in the next 29 days, get approved for the loan.

But my faith in God, and the things I have experienced tell me that it's possible that with HIS blessing, and help, the impossible isn't impossible.

I do know that it will bless not only our lives, but I see a lot of good that I can do with the location and space this house would provide.

One thing I want to look into is My Mom moving in with us. David and I have talked about this, and think it would actually work in a house like this. It has a segment of the basement that would give her the space she needs to still live independently and interact with us when she wanted. It has 2 kitchens, one right off of a bedroom, and "playroom" (that doesn't HAVE to be a playroom) so if she wanted to cook her own food and eat downstairs while she watched tv, she could. There is a separate entrance in that same segment of the house with NO stairs. Which means she can come and go without even having to see us, and she wouldn't have to deal with her knees bothering her going up and down the stairs. The ONLY thing she would have to go anywhere to use is the bathroom. The one in the basement is down the hall by the Kids rooms, but when she showers in the morning, they'll be asleep. And at the ages they're at, they don't even really need to use that bathroom.

Anyway, that's just ONE thing that this house would provide. There's also the fact that Elizabeth just CAN'T share a room. We've struggled with this since Elysia was a baby. And Jacob needs his own room too. Elysia and Abby could prolly share a room until they're ready to move out, but that still means we really need a min of 4 bedrooms. Then there's the fact that I really WANT two more pregnancies. So that's a min of one more bedroom.

So the original 4, +1, + My Mom leaves us ONE bedroom in this house. And that's really not much extra space. So it's not like we want this enormous house when we only NEED half the space. Especially when you add me homeschooling.

Then considering that I won't have the Playgroup here if we move. I want to be able to do something like it. The space of this house + the yard would let me be able to have something like that and be able to invite people over.

And I've already said that I LOVE having people over. I would host EVERY holiday if I could. And in this house, I COULD.

Again, this house is just PERFECT.

My Latest Dream

So, every now and then I will have a dream that knocks me out of the water, so to speak. It's very memorable, and makes an impact for one reason or another.

Last night, I dreamt about the Ocean and Alaska. I was very content, and the ocean was GORGEOUS there.

Maybe it means something, maybe not.

What I am hoping it means is that David will get this job in Alaska. Not necessarily that we will move there but that he will get the job.

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Oddly enough, the night BEFORE last, I had a dream that stuck with me. It was odd, and I was living at My Grandparents old house where I grew up. Something that stuck with me about this dream is that I was very aware of being in between sleep and awake. I couldn't get done what I was trying to do because my vision was blurry from not being awake, and it was very frustrating.

My Commitment

I am commiting here and now that if we move outside of the Rock Springs/Green River area, I will take the things I have learned here and implement them where I relocate.

I have been so fortunate, as I have stated so many times in the past few weeks, to have a Playgroup full of Moms who truly connect and support eachother.

I believe that everyone needs that.

I really hope for this house in Tooele. It is a little ways out of the way, but it's really not all that far from the people I know in the Salt Lake ares.

This house would just provide so many opportunities. It has the room for me to be myself, take care of a large Family, have dinner parties, and do things like Playgroup and a Mom's night. I do not exagerate at ALL when I say that this house seems built just for us.

The "Starting" Line up

I'm a Field of Dreams sort of person. I have learned from my own experiences that I seem to be set up on a "If you Build it..." course.

SO, here's what I am presenting:

David will either get the job in Alaska, or Libya. We will be buying a house either in Tooele, Ut or just outside of Anchorage, Ak.

We will have 3 more children, 2 Girls and 1 Boy:

Prudence Nicole
Arabella Hope (Bella) : Twin A
David Benjamin (Ben) : Twin B

Wish me LUCK!

There it is...... we'll see how it plays out ;-)

(And if ANY of you steal my name's, you WILL feel my wrath ;-)

Dear Prudence

Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play? Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day. The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful, and so are you. Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play.

Dear Prudence, open up your eyes. Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies. The wind is low, the birds will sing, that you are part of everything. Dear Prudence, won't you open up your eyes?

Dear Prudence, let me see you smile. Dear Prudence, like a little child. The clouds will be a daisy chain, so let me see you smile again. Dear Prudence, won't you let me see you smile?

Look around, round, round. Oh look around.

Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play? Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day. The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful, and so are you. Dear Prudence.... won't you come out to play.


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David and I really seem to like the idea of naming a Daughter Prudence. I normally don't get into names like that. However, it's such a pleasent song. It just makes one Happy. And I like the idea of having a Daughter's name inspire so many happy thoughts that you just want to sing.

That's a little bit of the reason I like Elysia's middle name, Noelle, so much. And with her being born in December, I sing "The First Noel" to her every year at Christmas time.