Why I can do it

The people I have been dealing with have ONE HUGE thing in common and it goes hand in hand with the one sided relationship topic. These 2 characteristics are present in ALL of the situations I have encountered between the "Blog War" and the Play Group scenario I have been talking about.

And what both characteristics (being unable to forgive and not allowing people to do things for them) point to is one key fact: They know NOTHING about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

You see, I don't hold grudges, because He doesn't hold one against ME.

I don't call you names, or say "Look at her... hahaha" because He doesn't do it to ME.

I don't criticize your parenting or drag up all of your past mistakes, because He over looks and forgets MINE.

I don't want to be whipped over and over for something I said a year or 3 or even a month ago. So I don't do it.

If you have "demons" that you deal with that I know about, I will keep it to myself because I have my own and would want them to not be headline news.

I won't air a laundry list of your faults and "10 things I hate about you" because it's hurtful.

And that Man who forgives me, and overlooks MY laundry list of faults wouldn't like it. It would make HIS overlooking MY faults null and void. Why should He forgive MY Humanity if I then won't forgive yours.

If you were to EVER offer me an apology, I would accept it without a second thought. If you were to ever ask for my forgiveness, I would give it to you immediately!!!!! Who am I to deny you that?

I am not perfect. If I was, I wouldn't ever rant about injustices others carry out at my expense. But being human, that is one thing I do to work through it.

But you will NEVER hear or see me saying "I don't like her because of a),b),c),d)....." In fact you will never hear me say "I don't like her." At ALL. You are a Child of God, and Jesus Christ has deemed you just as worthy of compassion and love as the next person. So who am I to call you unworthy.

That doesn't mean I won't say "This really gets under my skin right now" or "That really hurt and makes my life harder."

But then I'm over it.

If you see me on the street the next day, I won't avoid you. I won't be unkind. I won't even think of what you did that hurt me so bad.

Because HE wouldn't do that to ME.

I may have a Hundred thousand faults that make me less than perfect.

But I trust that as long as I work every day to eliminate them to the very best of my ability, HE will look past them, and welcome me when the time comes to see Him again.

Who am I to hold YOUR Hundred thousand faults against YOU!

And Who are YOU to hold mine against me?

You are NOT HIM. And HE is GOD. If God can forgive when HE has more reason and power to NOT forgive, your inability to do so implies that you are superior to HIM.

As for ME, I am soooo grateful for His mercy and forgiveness. His unconditional love despite my failures and my screw ups that I will NEVER insult His graciousness by not extending mercy and forgiveness.

I will never deny others what He so lovingly gives me.

And I promise here and now that anyone who DOES deny others that mercy and forgiveness knows NOTHING of Him.

The TRUTH in relationships

The truth of it is this. ANY one sided relationship will not last. I've thought about this a lot this week. And it's not just relationships where one person seems to do all the giving. But the flip side where one person will give but REFUSES to allow the other to give back.

It's not because the person who is giving and refusing to take gets worn out from always giving that the relationship doesn't make it. It's because there is a REASON the person will not accept returned effort. I have noticed in all of the friendships I have had go down the drain this past week... and unfortunately, they have been plentiful, there was a common denominator. These were friendships where my efforts, help, resources were not acceptable as contribution.

Letting someone "Serve" you builds THEM up. It creates a bond. It gives the relationship value.

I'm seeing a pattern that I didn't catch onto in it's entirety until now.

There are fundamental reasons to NOT allow someone to do things for you. ESPECIALLY in a situation where YOU are doing things for THEM. It is because YOU A) Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with them, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value them. D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."

And now that I get this, I know a warning sign early on. Rather than spending several years on a one sided friendship like the one with Ginger. A friendship where I appreciated her so much! I didn't know what I would do without her. But she did not reciprocate that gratitude because there wasn't a whole lot I ever did for her. Not because I didn't TRY. I would have bent over BACKWARDS for her. She didn't have any reason to miss or value our friendship, she was out nothing.

I asked Stephanie about this. "You almost seem to CRINGE when I offer to do things for you." Her response was "As far as me not accepting your help on things im not much for accepting help." And I call BS! That's not likely to be the case. And I'll tell you FLAT out that I have learned since then that most likely her aversion to help is for EXACTLY the reasons I listed. She doesn't want to feel indebted to people. Because then, she can't cut ties at will without feeling guilty.

So I'm going to lay it out there.

Your willingness to help me when I ask, but not take help back, is just like the others. It says all of the things that I listed above. A) You Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with me, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value me. and D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."

I will NOT get into one sided friendships or relationships anymore. The first time I see the sign that you would bend over backwards for me, but not let me return the favor, I'm OUT!