What bothers me the most

I realized this past week what bothers me the very most about the fact that Ginger turned out to be a crappy friend.

It's not that she turned into a crappy Friend. It's that she's been a crappy Friend in Awesome Friend clothing for a while before finally being "true" to form.

Which doesn't just make her a crappy Friend. I would say it officially classifies her as a crappy PERSON!

She is still a Child of God. She still has good qualities. I won't make a laundry list of her problems and faults and what I think of her like she did me.

She's still wrong about me.

And I still have no excuse to be unkind.

But the fact that she can make that list, do it the way she did.... I've been asking her for MONTHS to tell me privately what she was so upset about, and say such awful and untrue things. Not to mention all of the side comments she has been making for almost a year now, not "acknowledging my existence", and griping so much about what an awful person I am (suggestion here: If your husband is tired of hearing you complain about someone, stop complaining and find something positive to talk about. Taking me out of the equation doesn't stop the complaining, it just means you have to complain about something else) to her husband among others.... Certainly doesn't make her the kind of person that I would want to be like.

I have apologized to her MANY times. I apologize to people that I hurt or wrong, whether it be my Children, Husband, Friend, or others. I have and always will stand by those apologies.

But I will say that I shouldn't be the only one apologizing.

And because I have apologized, and because I truly stand by what I have said about the Atonement, and the fact that it makes it wrong for me to slander her and others the way she did me. I won't go off on her mistakes, flaws, issues, and parenting blunders. I won't list the things she is too lazy to do, the way she treats people...including her husband and children, the self esteem issues that she smothers in food and spending, the repressed emotions that lead her to be so critical of others mistakes and so unforgiving, how she interacts with old boyfriends, etc.

I will however say that there are many people that I have reason to be upset with after the past few weeks, and she is the one who I think has the most that she isn't honest about.

So, while her posts that smear me from one side of the manure corral to the other hurt, I'm sure it must be AMAZINGLY therapeutic for her to FINALLY be honest and upfront about who she is and how she thinks. Rather than coating it in her usual passive/aggressive Charade

Why I can do it

The people I have been dealing with have ONE HUGE thing in common and it goes hand in hand with the one sided relationship topic. These 2 characteristics are present in ALL of the situations I have encountered between the "Blog War" and the Play Group scenario I have been talking about.

And what both characteristics (being unable to forgive and not allowing people to do things for them) point to is one key fact: They know NOTHING about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

You see, I don't hold grudges, because He doesn't hold one against ME.

I don't call you names, or say "Look at her... hahaha" because He doesn't do it to ME.

I don't criticize your parenting or drag up all of your past mistakes, because He over looks and forgets MINE.

I don't want to be whipped over and over for something I said a year or 3 or even a month ago. So I don't do it.

If you have "demons" that you deal with that I know about, I will keep it to myself because I have my own and would want them to not be headline news.

I won't air a laundry list of your faults and "10 things I hate about you" because it's hurtful.

And that Man who forgives me, and overlooks MY laundry list of faults wouldn't like it. It would make HIS overlooking MY faults null and void. Why should He forgive MY Humanity if I then won't forgive yours.

If you were to EVER offer me an apology, I would accept it without a second thought. If you were to ever ask for my forgiveness, I would give it to you immediately!!!!! Who am I to deny you that?

I am not perfect. If I was, I wouldn't ever rant about injustices others carry out at my expense. But being human, that is one thing I do to work through it.

But you will NEVER hear or see me saying "I don't like her because of a),b),c),d)....." In fact you will never hear me say "I don't like her." At ALL. You are a Child of God, and Jesus Christ has deemed you just as worthy of compassion and love as the next person. So who am I to call you unworthy.

That doesn't mean I won't say "This really gets under my skin right now" or "That really hurt and makes my life harder."

But then I'm over it.

If you see me on the street the next day, I won't avoid you. I won't be unkind. I won't even think of what you did that hurt me so bad.

Because HE wouldn't do that to ME.

I may have a Hundred thousand faults that make me less than perfect.

But I trust that as long as I work every day to eliminate them to the very best of my ability, HE will look past them, and welcome me when the time comes to see Him again.

Who am I to hold YOUR Hundred thousand faults against YOU!

And Who are YOU to hold mine against me?

You are NOT HIM. And HE is GOD. If God can forgive when HE has more reason and power to NOT forgive, your inability to do so implies that you are superior to HIM.

As for ME, I am soooo grateful for His mercy and forgiveness. His unconditional love despite my failures and my screw ups that I will NEVER insult His graciousness by not extending mercy and forgiveness.

I will never deny others what He so lovingly gives me.

And I promise here and now that anyone who DOES deny others that mercy and forgiveness knows NOTHING of Him.

Lost Virtues

Forgiveness is so UNDER rated now a days. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... so is Empathy!

If one could see the effects of their actions through another's eyes. Feel the effects through another's heart, Would they be so hasty as to wound and judge.

I realized something last night. That those of my Friends who know the WHOLE story, are still around. While those who only know 2/3rds are not.

I believe it may mean that A) Those who have been told the whole story are able to grasp a deeper level of truth and existence, there by making them more understanding, and less likely to judge what takes place on the surface. Or B) I am really hard to understand, and those who know the whole story have all the pieces which makes understanding me and the situation easier. Or Both.

What's interesting is that I write it all down. If you're reading this you have either heard the stories first hand, heard the stories second hand, or read about them in this blog. It's ALL here. But those who I have not DIRECTLY told, don't seem to know it.

I hide NOTHING. I protect myself as much as I can while keeping to what I feel is MY code of ethics: Integrity.

I have nothing to hide, thus I hide NOTHING. I WILL protect my family though, and if you pose a threat, I will NOT give you ammunition.

I guess you could say that I speak in parables often. So, I guess those who have ears to hear, and eyes to see, do. And those who have not the fortitude to discern, miss out.

Back to the original point. Why are forgiveness and empathy so difficult to come by?

I try to understand others perspective, and judge liberally vs rashly. (do NOT misunderstand. I admit freely that I can REACT rashly. But to actually have that action be my final judgement is RARE)

And I've noticed that forgiveness is an INCREDIBLY rare commodity. People hold the smallest offenses over you eternally now days. But I am realizing that people who can't forgive others almost NEVER have the ability to forgive THEMSELVES. So I guess at least they're consistent on that one.

So, do not judge...leave that to God. Have empathy. And forgive.... YOURSELF and that might make it so much easier to forgive OTHERS!!!!