I hate my past

Some days, I truly and genuinely HATE my past and some of the people associated with it.

I feel a lot lately like an outsider to a life I worked so hard at. I LOVED School. I LOVED My Friends and the experiences I had.

But it's like watching a life that I created, choreographed, orchestrated continue to play without me. I have a really hard time watching a group of Friends that I brought together, continue to be close, while I watch.... outside.

Not to sound snotty, but at least 5 of my closest Friends MARRIED guys that I introduced them to. And 4 out of the 5 were MY EX Boyfriends.

And Person "x" who I met and introduced to person "y" still hangs out with person "y" and they barely remember I exist. (Sorry, I think this kind of is a spin off from Kim and Ginger's recent posts ;-) And it SUCKS!

It kind of comes back to my need to either completely remove myself or completely immerse myself in the Utah "Life." I can't be in AND out of Utah. And it's hard because My Family, and David's Family are in Utah. And it's not like I can remove myself completely from everything in Utah without our relationship, which is better than ever being affected drastically. So now what?

I guess I keep praying that David gets this job in Anchorage, and we get to move to Tooele. :-)