A Change of Attitude

I went to the Temple yesterday.  There were 25 or so of us on the Session.  ONE Male. It was a much more intimate and interactive than any session I have ever experienced.  The Women with me all seemed to be like minded.... and like hearted.  We helped eachother with clothing malfunctions, and little encouragements.  As I sat in the Celestial room, very emotional, one of them quietly touched my leg in encouragement and love.

I then was fortunate enough to have Hirum Sanders give me a blessing.  Where I was told that I have an important mission here on earth, and part of it is raising a wonderful family.  That I will have what I need.... not always what I want, but what I need. I was advised to keep The Lord close. (BELIEVE ME, I plan too.) ♥

Then, to top of the Trifecta ;-) David took a moment and filled my emotional and spiritual cup to the brim with an understanding and comment that was EXACTLY what I needed, and showed more love than anything else he could have said.  I will recreate it to the best of my ability: (background, I am worried about our ability to officially move into this house) He said, "You are overthinking this. This house is where we have decided to move Our Family to.  This house is where we have put money into moving. We plan and work towards moving into it."  When I asked if my spending choices have hurt our ability, and said "I could have done better." He said, "We can always  do better.  We can't do anything about yesterday."

Bless My Soul Mate for truly loving me.... and taking the time to love me the way I needed him to.

To finish the evening off, the police showed up at my door.  And I knew I was being watched out for when they left in obvious annoyance at whomever called them to report we were being too loud.  One of them said "As long as you are doing your best... it's an apartment for heaven's sake." With an eye roll. (not directed toward me... but at being called over something so stupid.) This scenario cemented my conviction that we need to get out of here ASAP!!!!

I'm trying to create

Tapping into my Spirituality is so emotionally intense. So instead of many words right now, here are a couple of pictures.

These are my new Mother's Day Willow Tree Figures :D

The one with the cat, labeled "Kindness" will sit at the feet of the one with the 2 children labeled "Quietly."

I refer to them as Jacob, Bella, and Elysia. ;-) (can you guess which "child" is which?)

I will be adding a 3rd piece for Father's Day.

The grouping of the 3 pieces, will represent Our Family.  With each family member "present" ♥

I had to do it.

Sometimes, the very best thing is to be there for someone for a little while, and then cut free.

I've been very angry in the past when this has happened to me.

It's hurt a lot.

And it comes often when I'm already overwhelmed.

But it is better than being a parasite on either end.

I have come to see the value in being cut free. Both being on the giving end, AND being on the receiving end.

But when I'm going to do more damage staying in the relationship.... again, whichever end I'm on.  It just needs to be severed.

I'm surprisingly grateful for those who have cut me free.  Sorry that sometimes, I am lost and confused and lash out initially.

I'm so very grateful for who I am in general.  And those heartaches are just as vital to that as the high points.

Amberleah, I love you.  You are someone I care about deeply.  I love your kids.  And though it is a sisterly love, vs romantic, I hope you will see that the "If you love it, set it free.." way of thinking can apply to ANY type of love.

I don't think you and I are helping each other right now.  We are BOTH in the middle of intense circumstances.  Too much involved in our own Gethsemane to be able to take on each other's struggles too.  Someday you may miss me.  Some day you may see the value in when I was around.  Feel free to reach out.... but NOT in an abusive way. Not in a hurtful way.  There will always be room for you.  But NEVER room for the negativity of you lashing out.  Get the lashing out part out of your system BEFORE you decide to reach out.

Bullying

Today I feel lost.  And I HATE that.  I HATE that it is partially based on a statement made by someone I have NO investment in whatsoever.  And on top of that, the ridiculousness of the situation made it laughable.  It SHOULDN'T have hurt or affected me AT ALL!!!!  Moving on should have been a CINCH.

And yet......

I value myself WAY more than to believe there was ANYTHING to what he said.  But there's that thought in the back of my head "SOMETHING about me made him chose THOSE words." "SOME part of what he said must have have logical backing to it."

It's my need for things to make sense, when sometimes, they just DON'T!!!