My life as it stands

I am 30 weeks! YAY! It's hard in some ways to have this pregnancy come to an end, but of course in others, it's very much anticipated. I would REALLY like to have at least one more. Mybe 2. But I don't want to stretch myself too thin for the ones I already have. I want to be a good Mother to them and if that means stopping at 4, then so be it. Because I know this could be my last, I am savoring a lot of the "Little Things" about it. I really enjoy feeling him busy inside of me. It's really a shame that not everyone gets the chance to feel another life inside of them. I really cherish that as a woman. Men will never know that. I complain plenty, but LOVE feeling him moving around. Even when it makes my sides hurt or keeps me awake. If I DO have another one or two, I really want to time it so that I can REALLY savor it.

Something that I realized at my last Dr's appointment is that Heavenly Father has blessid me this time with the "Perfect Pregnancy." It's a term that has been spoken of often this time because when David and I were divorced, that was something he "Promised" me if I married him again. Well, he of course is Human, and as such, even his best intentions may not always mean following through to the extent he means to. It's been rough at times, and I felt a bit let down. And then I had the realization that HE might not be able to always follow through and keep his promises the way I think he should, or he would like to, but Heavenly Father has that ability. And even though I didn't think of it until this last appointment, he has come through 100 %. The best part about having it be HE who is providing, is that he is not limited. He can affect the delivery and complications (Or lack of), and provide there as well. David of course has 0 control of that aspect. Sooooo, David does his best, but my WONDERFUL Father has and I am sure will continue to bless me with the "Perfect" experience.

One of the things that makes me so sure that this will continue as well as it HAS been is that I have been reassured of the timing of this Baby MANY times. And that Heavenly Father wanted me to have this blessing and He would be sent when it was time.

I have mentioned it before, but I am TRULY looked out for. Even in the "trivial" things that may not seem significant to others. With Abby, I was really wanting my delivery to go a certain way. And defying medical probability, it did. Medically speaking, I should have needed a C-section. But everything lined up PRECISELY so that not only did I safely avoid one... With NO risk to Abby, but I also got to skip the epidural. (She was WAY too fast for one)

Our washer went out this past weekend. That was a HUGE bummer. But despite the possibility we might be SOL with it, everything worked out PERFECTLY and not only were we able to replace it, but we were able to get the one I wanted vs. having to settle. That was a HUGE deal to me seeing as I don't want to get a low end model now and have to try to upgrade later. It's a pain and costs too much.

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Elizabeth has really struggled with school this year. She has a really hard time understanding that there are certain rules of behavior and that she needs to follow them in order to be able to learn. So, we signed the papers today for her to repeat kindergarten.

My Girls

I am amazed as I see the personalities of My 3 Girls develope.

Elizabeth. Poor Elizabeth. She is ME! And she is David. Anyone who questions HER parentage is VERY out of the loop. She is sooooo smart. And she is soooo bored with her limited abilities as a Child. She doesn't do terribly well in school.... it bores her. She would much rather socialize. She is ME!!!! And I struggle so much with trying to change that. It needs to change. But when I understand where she's coming from so completely, what can I do? I have a hard time knowing that I was the same, and not knowing what, if anything would've helped me.

Elysia is sooo "Take Charge." She's also our Comedian. Her Dance Teacher told me that what makes her so funny, is that she doesn't realize she's funny. She reasons so well that punishing her is hard. She can give you a very persuasive argument in her favor for why she did what she did. She proudly announces that an octagon is a stop sign, and is only not potty trained bbecause she doesn't want to bother with it.

Abby is my little Heart Melter! She has clung to my leg since she could walk. She looks like a "Little Person" to me... Like she is older than she is in this small body of hers. She's happy to stay a Baby, and yet wants to be independant too.

It will be very interesting to see what this Little Boy of ours is like!

Sooo Blissfully Tired

I am so exhausted. There's a never ending pile of laundry. My Kids are never as clean, full, or satisfied as I WISH they were (my fault not their's). But we are generally happy, healthy, and well.

I realized today that no matter how many Children we have, and how many times I SWEAR the next time I'll be the Perfect Parent, it will never happen. And that's ok. My Girls know that they are safe and loved. I have yet to be committed to a Mental Institution ;-) and we are getting by. I will make just as many fashion mistakes with the next one, two, or three. They will all sometimes sleep in mismatched pj's. But at the end of the day. We are a Family and we know what that means.

Abby still has that DAMN binky. Elysia still isn't potty trained. ***SIGH**** But REALLY! Does ANY of that matter?!

I will always be grateful to have what I do. Because I have soooo much and my cup is truly full.

Love my Life!

I have realized over the past 6 months how lucky I am. May 5th marked 1 year since I packed up the Girls and left David. I am SOOOOO happy to be back home! I spent Mother's Day last year in SLC living out of a duffle bag, dependant on Jared for transportation, and planning for a divorce. This year, I get to kick back, and enjoy being a Wife and Mother. I am SOOOOO happy that I can say I am closer to where I want to be eternally, wiser, and have made so much progress over this past year. It hasn't been easy, and I would NEVER want to go through it again. But I have learned the lessons and am a better person for what I've been through. It's good to see the time spent learning the lessons as a success rather than a waste.