Self esteem boost

I am not the kind of person that enjoys watching ANYONE suffer. I feel compassion toward people even if they deserve their suffering.

I don't get a self esteem boost from others mishaps, misfortunes, or other things that bring them down. I don't get to the top of the bucket, by pulling down and stepping on those in my way.

I do however, get a self esteem boost from the realization that as I patiently sit back and offer to be everyone's Friend, don't pull down or step on those in my way, and slowly but steadily work my way through life while karma smiles on me more and more for my willingness to be kind and sit back rather than beat people down, I am sitting comfortably in a good position. Yes, higher than those who have pushed me down to get where they think they are. You see, those who push others down, ultimately get caught in the rat race where they push and step and then someone else does it to them. And it's a battle for as long as they think that's the way to do it.

People like me who don't push and step on people get through because no one thinks we're the one to "beat".

I had a few encounters this weekend that showed me this.

It felt good, and always does, to feel like the way I am handling my life is working.

And it's not the superficial feel good. It's the kind that goes deep because you know that it's a virtuous feel good.

And YES, that makes me superior ;-)

One thing you can always rest assured on: I will never stab you in the back, steal your baby names, steal your friends, or betray you. That's not the way I roll ;-)

Oh, and how I feel about you will never be based on how pretty, or skinny you are or how much money you make!

No more

I hate to be like this, I try to exemplify something TOTALLY different. But as sad as I am to say it, I can now say that there are people I will NEVER again offer to do things for. If you're thinking, that you don't care, you don't need me,wait until your "trophy" Friends are too busy to help in a bind. Some of them only offer to one up me, and I won't be offering so they will have no one to one up.

My day

I haven't told you about my day yet.

It started off by me sleeping REALLY LATE! My Children were averagely behaved. I got nothing done, but didn't care ;-) They at least were taken care of. My house was pretty clean since we had company Sunday night.

Amanda Vaughn called to remind me about Harmonie's Christmas Concert, and tell me how bad it sucks that her family that would come to it are all in another state, while the ones who live here won't come.

I let David know that I needed him home by 6 so I could go with Amanda.

He told me that he got offered the Halliburton job, and accepted it!!!

He got home just after 6 while I was hurrying to get ready to leave.

He then yelled at me about how I sleep in, do nothing, blah blah blah.

I told him I wasn't leaving, I was going to stay here and fix OUR family vs try to mend someone else's.

He yelled at me some more. It made me feel like CRAP. I cried. A LOT.

Then I called our Home Teacher who came over and gave me the most AWESOME Blessing that told me that change, even good change, brings stress. That the path we're about to take is right. That more paths will be shown that are good for us. That prayers will be answered. That some much needed happiness is on the way. That I'm not perfect, but there's the atonement for that. And that I AM LOVED. By people here AND on the other side. And by My Heavenly Father.

And I cried some more.

(And now I am crying again because that blessing was so important when my heart hurt so bad!!!!)

And then David hugged me and said he was sorry. And that he loves and appreciates me.

And then we got children to bed.

And I made some food.... since I hadn't eaten.

And then, we watched "The Women" and had pie.

And then Jacob FINALLY went to sleep.

And NOW I am going to shower!!!!

Standing outside the fire

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Chorus:
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly hiher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire

Some GREAT news

David has been offered, and accepted the job with Halliburton that he interviewed for!!!!! He will work 2 weeks on, and then be off for 1 week.

The hourly pay isn't out of this world, but this is a job where he should be getting 80+ hours each week that he is on. And then he gets paid for 40 hours on his week off!!!!!

We are now looking into whether or not we want to move.

Marry You

It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go,
No one will know,
Come on girl.
Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow,
Shots of patron,
And it's on girl.

Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So whatcha wanna do?
Let's just run girl.

If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool.
No, I won't blame you;
It was fun girl.

Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Just say I do,
Tell me right now baby,
Tell me right now baby. x2

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

This year's Holidays

Thanksgiving over, Christmas on it's way. And I am so grateful for so much!!!!

Thanksgiving was yet another chance to see how wonderfully blessed and taken care of I am.

Wed night, the day before Thanksgiving, I wanted to be in Utah with Family. That didn't happen. So,we joined some of our ward members at the Kropf Family's home for their anual "Pie Night." We truly enjoyed ourselves. They invited us back for Thanksgiving Dinner, since our plans had changed very last minute. That too was an event that was immensely enjoyed. The next day, we played "Candy Land" as a Family. I then drove into RS to sit with the Murphys' 2 boys so Mike and Sara could go out.

And as I was driving, I had the thought "I hope David is as in love with me as I am him." I came home to the reassurance that, as he put it, "I am more in love with you than you are with me." Now, I think that's completely the opposite of what the real situation is. But that is a GREAT situation to be in. Both of us certain that we are more in love with the other than they are with us. Because it means that we are both 100% in love with eachother.

I am so much happier with my marriage than I used to be. I am content, and at peace with it. And THAT is a huge step. It has taken 9 years of learning to get here.

And as the Holiday season is in full swing, having my Husband and Children close makes things so wonderful.

My Christmas shopping is virtually done. I have everything for the Children. Deborah's Family is about 1/2 way shopped for. My Mom is almost completely shopped for. Cathy's book is here.

David has his 2 jobs that keep him busy, but are helping out with the expenses of the season. It would be GREAT if he could get on with Halliburton by the 1st of the year!

Game Night

We had Amanda Vaughn, Logan, Marti, and Mason Hanson, Mike, Sara, Preston, and Kade Murphy over tonight to play games. I would call it a success. I hope they had fun.

We played "Smart Ass" which is a trivia board game. It was ok, but I don't think anyone was really "feeling" it.

Then we played "Loaded Questions." Another board game, but it is a little more "adult topic" than others. We had a BLAST, and it was DEFINITELY an ice breaker.

The kids did pretty well playing downstairs.

*******************************************************
Thanksgiving we played "Quelf" a trivia board game, with the Kropfs... a family from our ward. That was a lot of fun. Quite a bit cleaner than tonight's "Loaded Questions."

I really enjoy playing games with Friends. And our collection has grown with David working at the Calender Club this Holiday Season.

The day after Thanksgiving, we were going to have people over for Game Night, but for one reason or another, nobody was able to come. So we played "Candy Land" as a Family. That was really nice! We all had a great time. I think that will become a regular activity around here.

Trying to be positive

This season I am trying so hard to be positive. To focus on all that I have to be grateful for... because I have a LOT! And so far, this has brought positive karma, that I am SUPER Grateful for!!!!!

And then, expenses and weather prevent our ability to go to Salt Lake for the weekend. Which was a shot in the foot since I revel in being around family this time of year, and we had a GREAT weekend planned.

And then, with all of my Friends staying here, only ONE even cares that we may be alone on Thanksgiving. All the while the OTHER Friends are pointing out to me how big of a deal dinner is to them on Thanksgiving.... well, it is to us too, but being trapped here this weekend, it would be great to have friends who we could share it with. I'd be HAPPY to have everyone HERE!!

I think I'm over it now.

David had a job interview with Halliburton this morning. Fingers are CROSSED!!!!

We need this job!

OMG!

I finished my last post, and went to switch laundry over. I locked Elysia in the business center while I went. I had just come back into the clubhouse, and was about to unlock the door to here, and the same man walked in. He said "It's just me, don't worry." I let myself in, and hurried and locked the door. He walked past, into the area that NO ONE is supposed to be in, did an about face, walked past the area I'm in and left. He has come in at least once since I've been typing this.

He can't really see in here, and there are 2 locked doors between the rest of the clubhouse and where we are. But I might seriously be stuck in here till it's light outside.

I thought I was DONE for!

The title of this post is soooo tame compared to what it was going to be.

I took Elysia to the ER tonight because she's been very lethargic, had no appetite, and has had a cold for over a week.

Bronchitis. Antibiotics. Nothing too horendous. Easily taken care of.

We went to Wal mart to get some things.

We came back to the apartment complex (The Preserve) and I desparately needed to wash clothes despite it being 3 am.

I put Elysia on a couch in the clubhouse (not wanting to wake David up since he will be having to get up with the other kids in the morning) and went and got the dirty laundry. As I walked up the stairs and through the breezeway to the apartment, a man came out of his (the two are back to back) and looked around like he was trying to see who was walking around at 3 am. He made small talk while I got the door open, then I went inside. I got the laundry, and when I came back out and was on my way down the stairs, he came out again. I just kept going.

I checked on Elysia in the clubhouse.... she was asleep. I went and started putting the clothes in the washers. I have a bad habit of being a little overly brave when it comes to doing laundry in a setting like this. If I think I can POSSIBLY get away with it, I will strip down to my underware to get the clothes I am wearing into the washer, and then RUN back to my room/apartment. The other night I wanted to do that, and David pointed out that too many people would see. So, I didn't ;-)

This morning however, I was IN the laundry room. NO ONE in sight, no cameras, no way for any one to see in. So I hurried and got my bottom underware off, threw them into the washer and was putting my pants back on FAST, when the door opens. LUCKILY I was fast enough that I don't think he realized exactly what I was doing till they were up.

BUT he had obviously been drinking. And it was the same guy from the apartment back to back with ours. And we were alone. And he was blocking the door. And he hit on me. And I was PANICKING!

THANK GOD he left after finding out I was sharing the apartment with my HUSBAND!

No joke, my thoughts had been "Dear God in Heaven, PLEASE don't let something happen to me!!!"

And I RAN into the clubhouse as soon as he left and I started the washer. But every resident has a key fob to get in. So I got Elysia (who was sleeping peacefully) off of the couch, and we are now locked in the business center waiting for the clothes to be done . And thank HEAVEN she is sleeping peacefully still!

What I'd do different

I have it. Here's what I would change if I could:

Pan back to 2001. Fresh out of Basic, I set my sights on staying in a shape that is NOT round, and focus on getting ahead rather than dating. David comes home, we have a Temple wedding off the bat. Then David goes Active duty. We get pregnant with Elizabeth, and I get out THEN....

*sigh* if only ;-)

Ok I'm NOT as stupid as you're betting I am!

I don't know if it's because I struggle with day to day activities, because I appear ditsy/clumsy, or what. But I think people usually mistake me for a push over. If there is ONE thing I'm not, that would be it!

GORGEOUS!

A Friend of mine took this picture. I loved it so much, I asked her if I could have it!

Gratitude: Day 11

I am grateful for clean Hot water ANY time I want it.... usually :-)

Today

I lost a bit MORE respect for someone I used to adore.

I got a GREAT haircut.

I realized what a good MOM I really am :-)

I got to help a friend!

I am a Veteran

I am a Veteran. A Veteran is someone, who at one point in their life, wrote a blank check payable to the United States of America for an amount up to, and including, their life. Regardless of personal political views, that is an honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer remember that fact.

My Passion: Contest

My Passion: Contest: "This is our mini Toy box. Secure your most intimate treasures in this cute little pleasure chest. Small, but functional.Features beautiful ..."

Crush

Ahh, crush, ahhh

I see ya blowin' me a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist
To understand what's going on baby
If you see something in my eye
Let's not over analyze
Don't go too deep with it baby

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll play loose
Run like we have a day with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

It's raising my adrenaline
You're banging on a heart of tin
Please don't make too much of it baby
You say the word "forevermore"
That's not what I'm looking for
All I can commit to is "maybe"

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll pay loose
Run like we have a day with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

Vanilla skies (vanilla skies)
White picket fences in your eyes
A vision of you and me

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing
Not like everything I do
Depends on you

*****************************************************

And NO, I don't have a crush on anyone..... except Gerard Butler and My Hubby. Just likin' the song

Gratitude: Day10

I am grateful David has 2 jobs to get us through the Holidays, and life right now!

Gratitude:Day 9

I am grateful for my big green water jug and the fact that I have a choice to fill it or keep it empty whenever I choose!

SO Good!

In happy moments, praise God.

In difficult moments, seek God.

In quiet moments, worship God.

In painful moments, trust God.

And in every moment, thank God.

I'm going back to public, sorry for any whiplash!

I will not live in fear. I will not be intimidated. I will not be bullied. I have nothing to hide. I was private long enough that I believe that much of the negativity and hype have had a chance to die down from what I will from here on out refer to as the "Blog War."

xoxoxox Everyone. Have a POSITIVE month full of gratitude! I for one have a TON to be grateful for and positive about!

Finding 28 things to express gratitude for will only be hard because of the SMALL number. I personally have MILLIONS of things to rejoice over!

Gratitude: Day 8

I am REALLY Grateful for the Spiritual uplift I got this weekend! As the scriptures say "Ask and ye shall receive." I asked to be spiritually refueled, and got a HUGE dose of what I needed! It's hard to go back to "real life" after my much needed break. Let me say that I am SOOOO grateful for the ability to go to the Temple. And brushing shoulders with Elder Oaks..... that Man radiates power and authority!

Gratitude: Day 6 and 7

Since I've been away, I am 2 days behind which is good because that means I can post 2 things at once. I am Grateful for my AMAZING MOM, and David's WONDERFUL PARENTS! I am so blessed to have them!!!! WE are sooo blessed to have them!

Gratitude: Day 5

I am Grateful for a Husband who I am in love with today more than I was 9 years ago!

Miguided Angel

Misguided Angel by Melissa de la Cruz

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

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Gratitude: Day 4

I am Grateful to have my Children all with me.

Gratitude: Day 3

I am grateful for four children who are all sweet as can be and different from each other! Each one brings such a fresh approach to life!

Gratitude: Day 2

I am grateful for a warm place to call home!

Aftermaths can be ugly

My immune system is SHOT! Between Heidi's post and the whole miscarriage thing, I'm completely catatonic. I meant nothing harmful when I blogged the other day. And it was blown so completely out of proportion.

She complains that I'm a "Hater" but she spends the ENTIRE blog showing me exactly what a Hater looks like.

I'm hoping to get to the Temple Sat, and get some relief from everything!

Gratitude: Day 1

I am grateful for the blessings that pop up in my life when I am having a hard time being grateful