Light and Fire

My name means "Full of Light." Not to toot my own horn, but I have been told I give off light. I know I'm not perfect. But I try to live my life in such a way that I would think would exude light.

And yet, people shy away. LOTS of people. Especially people... Men.... in positions of authority.

And I was thinking about it yesterday.

Why, if someone is "bright" would you not like them?

But then I realized: Light can be intense. It can be hot. It can burn you.

And I realized that I can be intense. And I can DEFINITELY be fiery.

So. Two possible situations: Either, being full of light is only in my head, and I don't actually put that outward. Or I'm TOO intense.

Because a person that gives off a warm, comfortable glow would be someone I would think people would gravitate toward.

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This brings me to the other thing on my mind: I am actually N O T bi polar. But I often feel bi polar. And it's because there is a CONSTANT battle inside of me. The battle between who I am, who I try to be, and who I want to be. And those parts of me are CONSTANTLY in battle with each other. NOT because of any mental illness. But because I AM different parts of a whole. I am Spirit. I am Flesh and Blood. And they are parts born of different elements. Parts that hail from different circumstances. Parts that some times want different things.

I believe that this form of "Bi polarity" is normal for each of us. And it is ACTUALLY those who try to deny that reality that experience problems. Because they are in denial. And it brings even more inner conflict than just acknowledging that there is a natural inner struggle. SO: I AM two halves of a whole. I admit this. I embrace this. Now I struggle to bring both halves into harmony. And that makes me often feel and even come across as VERY conflicted.... and even Bi polar.

Have you seen my tattoo? I L O V E my tattoo. Because it speaks novels (ok, maybe only novEL) about me. It depicts the struggle for balance in my life.;-)

Thank you to those who truly get me. You are few but valued ♥