I've wondered before what was wrong with me: if I'm so "bright" why do people push away. And then i realized...Finally, as illogical as it is to me, some people are so comfortable in the mediocre light, they actually don't WANT it brighter. Dingy prefers the shadows.
It reminds me of the lesson we had in Sunday School this past week on Grace.
Hell as we think of it is not so much a matter of God punishing us. But us not wanting to be in His presence because darkness shuns light. He is willing to have us, like the Prodigal Son, return home to him no matter what mistakes we've made. But if we are not changed through grace, we will not feel like being in His home. We will prefer our shadows where everything doesn't feel so exposed.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
The next step
We are getting ready to move. My dream house is no longer in our sights. Fortunately, my dream has evolved. And I couldn't be happier. Instead of the "house on the hill" with it's grand room, high ceilings, and BRAND newness. We are buying a 1979 rambler. With a 1/2 acre, 2 beautiful kitchens, 2 laundry areas, 5 bedrooms, 3 1/2 bathrooms, and RENTERS.
A little story here:
My mom has a cousin who has 6 children. Matt is the Oldest and he is married to Andrea. Jacob is the youngest and owns the 1979 rambler I just mentioned.
When our other house kept falling through, Andrea set about trying to help us find something else. And told us about Jacob's house. He was asking $100,000 more than our brand new house that we wanted so badly....YIKES, and it's 35 years older. So we pushed it to a corner and continued working on getting our new build.
And that fell through... AGAIN.
So I got in touch with Jacob... I haven't seen him in like 15 years, And I probably knew him the least of all of the kids because of our age difference.
And he was SO awesome when I contacted him.
I originally was not going to look at the house until David was in town. But David said that I might as well go ahead and look because if I didn't like it, then there was NO point in him seeing it.
And over the course of 3 visits to the house, and bringing 2 close friends to look at it and help me understand the pros and cons, I fell IN LOVE with this house.
It is 3800 square feet. The upstairs and downstairs can fully function separate of eachother. He currently rents out the 2 rooms in the basement to 2 young ladies. But they share the downstairs laundry, kitchen, storage and family room. It has a walk out basement.
Jacob said he would come down $30,000 for us. AND he will lease it to us until we get a loan.
He told me that he had several offers at full price, but felt really good about us vs the other "better" offers. He has been SO amazing to work with. And we are over there about once a week, discussing and working out all the details.
He has chickens in the back, that he said we can keep if we want them. Yes. And we went through a list of furniture/electronics he doesn't want to move, and we are buying 80% of it. Most of it consists of things mounted to the walls.
So, by the time David came home, 2 weeks later, it was just a matter of getting his approval. We went straight from the airport to Jacob's. And by the next afternoon, we asked Jacob and his wife to take it off the market for us ☺
Jacob and his wife have been so fantastic and the way they are willing to work with us is such a blessing.
And this past Sunday, was Fast Sunday. I didn't want to fast. But I felt that I needed to.... which I did. And I prayed that whatever it was our family needed from my fasting would be.
That evening, Kenny (One of our longest and closest friends) called to tell me he's back in full church fellowship and he and his new wife (Who we love) wanted to go hang out with me and the kids on Monday.
As we were talking the next day, I mentioned the house we're moving into.
And that we had the option of renting out a portion of the basement and sharing the rest. And now, it's a done deal. Only waiting on David's approval. And Kenny mentioned what an answer to their prayers it is.
And I am so grateful for the kindness Jacob has shown us that I am THRILLED to use it to help Kenny and Michelle!
My coming out post
I think I may have forgotten to share a big thing that happened to me about a year ago.
I learned that I am an Empath.
The reaction I got from the people I tried to share this information with was mixed. Some distanced themselves from me. Some regard me cautiously but not much has changed. And the very few.... most of whom are Empaths themselves, get it.
In our home, The general acceptance of it is similar to getting a Hogwarts letter. We discuss that some in our home have this gift. Some do not. But both are reasons to celebrate.
I do not know about E. But she seems to be the one who tries the hardest to turn it into a part of life and embrace it. She even told me about how having "oil in your lamp" relates to being Empathic.
So let me tell you, for those of you who don't know what this thing is, what it is.
To be an Empath means you have gifts of a Spiritual nature that supersede regular mental guidelines. These are the psychics, mediums, etc. It is also called the "Gift of Discernment".
It ISN't as crazy in nature as many people automatically think. It is simply the ability to read people with your emotions and energy rather than logic or brain power alone. And to read their emotions or energy a little....or a lot better than average.
It means I can smell a lie easily. It means I can tell when there is, what I refer to as "A ripple in the "Force"."
It means that emotional strain drains me WAY more than physical exertion. It means that I know when something is bothering someone a little easier. It means I know how to relate, and communicate in a way that the other person may understand better.
Most of the other Empaths I know have always known that they have this gift.
Being an Empath almost ALWAYS is generational. Chances are high that if a child is an Empath, one of their parents is also.
You see, it is not my Mom that is the Empath.... or if it is, she doesn't use it the right way, if at all. I KNOW that My Dad was. From my own internal radar (Gift of Discernment) combined with the stories I've been told of his affinity for animals and children, and love of art. Not to mention his tendencies to turn to drugs and alcohol to escape.
ONE of David's parents is and Empath. I KNOW this for a fact. I have my suspicions. But neither of them has embraced it, so I'm not 1005 sure. But I KNOW one of his brothers is too.....
Anyhow, back to the point.
I was not raised with the education of what my "Weirdness" was called. I knew I was different. I knew I didn't fit in. And a year ago, I finally learned the name for it.
But MOST that I know have been taught by their Empathic parent (s) what it means.
So now, I can't shut up about it. And I am so excited to hone it.
NOW, I have to make sure to use it correctly.
I learned that I am an Empath.
The reaction I got from the people I tried to share this information with was mixed. Some distanced themselves from me. Some regard me cautiously but not much has changed. And the very few.... most of whom are Empaths themselves, get it.
In our home, The general acceptance of it is similar to getting a Hogwarts letter. We discuss that some in our home have this gift. Some do not. But both are reasons to celebrate.
I do not know about E. But she seems to be the one who tries the hardest to turn it into a part of life and embrace it. She even told me about how having "oil in your lamp" relates to being Empathic.
So let me tell you, for those of you who don't know what this thing is, what it is.
To be an Empath means you have gifts of a Spiritual nature that supersede regular mental guidelines. These are the psychics, mediums, etc. It is also called the "Gift of Discernment".
It ISN't as crazy in nature as many people automatically think. It is simply the ability to read people with your emotions and energy rather than logic or brain power alone. And to read their emotions or energy a little....or a lot better than average.
It means I can smell a lie easily. It means I can tell when there is, what I refer to as "A ripple in the "Force"."
It means that emotional strain drains me WAY more than physical exertion. It means that I know when something is bothering someone a little easier. It means I know how to relate, and communicate in a way that the other person may understand better.
Most of the other Empaths I know have always known that they have this gift.
Being an Empath almost ALWAYS is generational. Chances are high that if a child is an Empath, one of their parents is also.
You see, it is not my Mom that is the Empath.... or if it is, she doesn't use it the right way, if at all. I KNOW that My Dad was. From my own internal radar (Gift of Discernment) combined with the stories I've been told of his affinity for animals and children, and love of art. Not to mention his tendencies to turn to drugs and alcohol to escape.
ONE of David's parents is and Empath. I KNOW this for a fact. I have my suspicions. But neither of them has embraced it, so I'm not 1005 sure. But I KNOW one of his brothers is too.....
Anyhow, back to the point.
I was not raised with the education of what my "Weirdness" was called. I knew I was different. I knew I didn't fit in. And a year ago, I finally learned the name for it.
But MOST that I know have been taught by their Empathic parent (s) what it means.
So now, I can't shut up about it. And I am so excited to hone it.
NOW, I have to make sure to use it correctly.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
More reading
I have been reading more of the blog Pure Mormonism. And I want to be VERY VERY VERY clear: I do NOT necessarily agree with or support EVERYTHING he says. Further prayer, and studying will need to go into it, before I base ANYTHING I advocate on his writings.... I liked what he had to say about the opposing votes on sat. That is all. And please understand that I will NEVER, EVER advise going against what our church leaders say... EVER. That is the surest way to pain and suffering ♥
Yes, it's ok to not follow blindly
A blog called "Pure Mormonism" posted the following: "Something really weird happened yesterday. During the general conference of the church, Elder Dieter Uchtdorf presented the names of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for a sustaining vote. When he asked for any opposed to manifest their votes, a handful of members responded by shouting, "Opposed."
But that wasn't the weird part. What was weird was the reaction of otherwise faithful latter-day Saints who felt those who voted in opposition were somehow out of line. Some described those who voted in opposition as "hecklers," which reveals their ignorance of the meaning of words as much as it does their understanding of church protocol."
The voting system was set up for these "opposers" to handle it JUST as they did. And it does NOT make them bad people!
As David and I discussed this and other problem areas of the general membership of the church, I realized that the overwhelming and prominent problem is that we mortals have a "God complex". We think WE are the ones in charge. We think WE have the right to limit God's power and tell Him what He can and can't accept.
And that's just not accurate. HE, not WE is God after all. "As God is, we CAN become." But it's the simple example of a parent and a child. He IS the parent. We HOPE to someday become a parent too. But we have to learn, grow and EARN that position. It isn't just ours upon birth.
My GOOD Friend, Ashley, shared a very sacred experience with me where she told me that she has seen heaven and hell. And that Hell is just a "Hospital" of sorts for the broken in Heaven. And I accept her description as completely viable.
THINK about it. Not with YOUR limits. But possibilities.
God is our FATHER. If YOU had 2,000,000,000,000 children, would you only care about 10? Or ONE? Not if you were THE Perfect Parent. And if they were mean to eachother, would you tell them they could never be with you again? NOT if you were the PERFECT Parent. You would put them in time out when needed. Take away their privileges. You would take them to get medical/psychological help if needs be. But you would NEVER, EVER leave them behind.
Why do we think God .... THE PERFECT PARENT, is different? God is Love. Love does not give up on nor abandon the imperfect. Love succors and heals. No matter HOW long it takes. And God has ETERNITY to do it. No limits. No appointments to keep.
So, for us to say "He committed suicide, he is lost forever." Is NOT our call.
Which brings me back to the original point. At least one of the people who opposed the sustaining of church leaders on Sat did so because they had concerns with the excommunication of recent "Questioning" members.
Have you ever thought about what might happen in an eternal perspective if a person was "Accidentally" excommunicated?
Well, I promise you this: God is smarter than mortals. And just think about it from a parental perspective. If your child was kicked out of school, would you accept the verdict, or research the information and decide for yourself if it was valid or not? God KNOWS everything. And He would KNOW if it was just or not.
Therefore, if it was NOT valid, why would he punish the person who did nothing wrong? Remember, He's THE PERFECT PARENT.
Sadly, the general body of the church doesn't know this to be the case. Because they DON'T question the "Norm."
TRUST the Leaders of the Church. TRUST your GOD. TRUST your Savior. But that does NOT mean you can't question and test every principle. No, DON'T do drugs to see if their harmful, but do your research to find out exactly WHY they are/aren't safe. "Seek and ye shall find..." ASK for a testimony of WHY the church leaders mandate what they do. And if you disagree with something, bring it up with your Bishop or Stake President. DON'T go telling everyone it's WRONG. DON'T broadcast your displeasure. PRAY about it. STUDY about it. TALK it over with Leaders. And SEEK for a resolution that is PLEASING to God.... your FATHER. And if you disagree with a person being sustained in a position of leadership, use the system that has been set forth and raise your hand in opposition.
And if you don't trust that will work, then the insecurity is with you, not Him. Because his system is perfect.
But PLEASE always remember that the SYSTEM is perfect... that DOES NOT MEAN the people are.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is people forsaking their God based on mortals. It doesn't MATTER what a mortal says or does. It matters what your relationship with Your God is...
Because He is real. And He is, above all other titles, YOUR PARENT. And He Loves EVERY ONE of HIS Billions of Children PERFECTLY!
But that wasn't the weird part. What was weird was the reaction of otherwise faithful latter-day Saints who felt those who voted in opposition were somehow out of line. Some described those who voted in opposition as "hecklers," which reveals their ignorance of the meaning of words as much as it does their understanding of church protocol."
The voting system was set up for these "opposers" to handle it JUST as they did. And it does NOT make them bad people!
As David and I discussed this and other problem areas of the general membership of the church, I realized that the overwhelming and prominent problem is that we mortals have a "God complex". We think WE are the ones in charge. We think WE have the right to limit God's power and tell Him what He can and can't accept.
And that's just not accurate. HE, not WE is God after all. "As God is, we CAN become." But it's the simple example of a parent and a child. He IS the parent. We HOPE to someday become a parent too. But we have to learn, grow and EARN that position. It isn't just ours upon birth.
My GOOD Friend, Ashley, shared a very sacred experience with me where she told me that she has seen heaven and hell. And that Hell is just a "Hospital" of sorts for the broken in Heaven. And I accept her description as completely viable.
THINK about it. Not with YOUR limits. But possibilities.
God is our FATHER. If YOU had 2,000,000,000,000 children, would you only care about 10? Or ONE? Not if you were THE Perfect Parent. And if they were mean to eachother, would you tell them they could never be with you again? NOT if you were the PERFECT Parent. You would put them in time out when needed. Take away their privileges. You would take them to get medical/psychological help if needs be. But you would NEVER, EVER leave them behind.
Why do we think God .... THE PERFECT PARENT, is different? God is Love. Love does not give up on nor abandon the imperfect. Love succors and heals. No matter HOW long it takes. And God has ETERNITY to do it. No limits. No appointments to keep.
So, for us to say "He committed suicide, he is lost forever." Is NOT our call.
Which brings me back to the original point. At least one of the people who opposed the sustaining of church leaders on Sat did so because they had concerns with the excommunication of recent "Questioning" members.
Have you ever thought about what might happen in an eternal perspective if a person was "Accidentally" excommunicated?
Well, I promise you this: God is smarter than mortals. And just think about it from a parental perspective. If your child was kicked out of school, would you accept the verdict, or research the information and decide for yourself if it was valid or not? God KNOWS everything. And He would KNOW if it was just or not.
Therefore, if it was NOT valid, why would he punish the person who did nothing wrong? Remember, He's THE PERFECT PARENT.
Sadly, the general body of the church doesn't know this to be the case. Because they DON'T question the "Norm."
TRUST the Leaders of the Church. TRUST your GOD. TRUST your Savior. But that does NOT mean you can't question and test every principle. No, DON'T do drugs to see if their harmful, but do your research to find out exactly WHY they are/aren't safe. "Seek and ye shall find..." ASK for a testimony of WHY the church leaders mandate what they do. And if you disagree with something, bring it up with your Bishop or Stake President. DON'T go telling everyone it's WRONG. DON'T broadcast your displeasure. PRAY about it. STUDY about it. TALK it over with Leaders. And SEEK for a resolution that is PLEASING to God.... your FATHER. And if you disagree with a person being sustained in a position of leadership, use the system that has been set forth and raise your hand in opposition.
And if you don't trust that will work, then the insecurity is with you, not Him. Because his system is perfect.
But PLEASE always remember that the SYSTEM is perfect... that DOES NOT MEAN the people are.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is people forsaking their God based on mortals. It doesn't MATTER what a mortal says or does. It matters what your relationship with Your God is...
Because He is real. And He is, above all other titles, YOUR PARENT. And He Loves EVERY ONE of HIS Billions of Children PERFECTLY!
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Politically correct but lost
We lose sight of who we need to be trying to accommodate everyone else. When the ONLY one we need to be concerned with pleasing is God.
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