Something on Love

I have been thinking over the past years as well as the past few days about love and how it is defined differently for each of us. Each person expresses and recognizes love differently. For example, I show love by doing nice things for people and spending time with those I love. I don't show love by giving gifts. I also recognize that someone loves me by the kind of actions they show me. Not gifts. Not words. I know someone cares about me when they spend quality time with me and do nice things for me (service, more or less).

It's just how I am. It's my Love Language. There are those who's love language is Gift Giving.

My Love Language, and that of Gift Giving aren't really conflicting.... when communication is used. But when there is a lack of communication, they can conflict.

If there is someone who I love, and the feeing is mutual. And I want to spend time with them but instead of time, they send a gift, I do not feel loved by them. (my mind knows the meaning, but it doesn't quite scratch the itch) And if that same person wants a gift, and instead I come over for a day, they may not feel loved by me. (they may appreciate it... but again, it just doesn't bring the same sense of fulfillment.) I hope this makes sense.

Christmas is a very hard time for me when this topic is involved. No matter WHAT our circumstances, Christmas Gifts are a struggle for us. The reason is not financial. It is the fact that we live so far from our Families. I celebrate Christmas by spending quality time with the people I love.... so, I would rather take $500 and spend a week during the Holidays in SLC, than go and buy $500 worth of presents. And I would rather the people I care about use the $ they would spend on gifts for me to take a day or two and come to visit.

Over the years, David and I have spent a lot of $ on making trips to SLC to spend time with Family and Friends. It is how we show love. We are there for special occasions, funerals, parties, etc if we are invited and can at ALL come. But it often means that the $ isn't there for gifts all the time. I KNOW that people would understand it if we COULDN'T make it. But to spend $30 on a tank of gas vs on sending a gift.... well.... we will choose the gas to attend over sending a gift.

It's hard on me emotionally to put so much into being there just to find out that people care more about the gifts. Soooo....

I am trying to learn that since some would prefer the gifts, we will send a gift. And stay home if both are not reasonable at the time.

This sounds kind of whiny. It's not meant to. I just have had to come to terms with it over the past 7 years.

I understand the need for balance and that people just express love differently.

I just wish that it was an easier task to build relationships where each party can be sensitive and accepting of differences so that both feel loved and fulfilled. I need to work on it too. But if I could speak the Love Language of the people I care about so that THEY can feel loved, and they in turn could speak MINE... neither of us change OURS, just be able to speak the other's when trying to communicate love....that would be a satisfying and fulfilling relationship.