Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant!... or ...The Good Samaritan in Sherriff's clothing

So today I really didn't want to go out. The weather was YUCKY, and I have a million and one things I need to do at home. BUT... we were out of milk. So, I decided @ 2:00 to take David some lunch and see about getting some groceries. Elizabeth gets out of school at 3:20. Her bus gets to our house @ 3:35. Plenty of time to make a quick trip to RS. I was driving on I-80. About 1/2 way to RS when I noticed a lot of snow blowing off my van behind me. All of a sudden the white, inconspicuous truck behind me turns on flashing red and blue lights. Well, what choice did I have but to pull off the road. My poor Mom. I was on the phone with her, but because of the incidents I've had with Law Enforcement and plain dumb luck in the past, I reflexively hung up without even saying "Goodbye." I checked my speed when I saw His lights go on... 70 MPH. Completely below the Speed Limit. He came to my window, and the first words out of my mouth after repeating his greeting were "I KNOW I wasn't speeding!"

Nope! I wasn't. He informed me that there was smoke coming from my van (NOT snow) and that he'd like to check my radiator. He got under the hood and informed me that my radiator hose had disconnected. We looked in the back for some tools with no luck. He didn't seem to have any either. Just then a 2nd Sherriff's Deputy showed up. He informed me my back tire was extremely low, and he had a multi-tool. Together they attempted to reattatch the hose. Then a 3rd arrived to check on the situation. Holy Cow! Between the 4 of us, we got the hose semi attatched, and some water in the reservoir so that I could drive the 5 miles to David's work. The 1st Sherriff's Deputy who had initially pulled me over, followed slowly behind me until I pulled into the Cameron parking lot.

It was 2:45. My gas light came on. And just a little tid bit: in order to get to David's work, you have to go down the road that the SW County Jail is on. It was hard not to feel as though I was driving myself to jail with the Sherriff's Deputy steadily behind me.

(Now I had done Nothing wrong, and they didn't even check my license or anything. BUT I've had my experiences, and it's just my reflexive reaction ... I really have had some pretty bad luck)

David checked everything out, and got the hose completely reattatched. He found some coolant and got me filled back up. By this point it was 3:10. I called the school and asked them to keep Elizabeth there rather than let her ride the bus home. I convinced David to ride with me to get her just to be safe. An hour later, I had her in my care, my tires were full, my gas tank full, my radiator working great, and was on my way to take David back to work.

When we were at the gas station, I went to use the restroom while David put gas and air in the van. I caught a glimpse at my reflection. BOY am I pregnant! Which at that point, I was really quite grateful for that Sherriff's Deputy. He may have saved us more than I realize. And he must have called in for assistence, and that is why the other two came. As nervous as it made me, he really went out of his way to help a Pregnant Stranger with a Two yr old out.

Let me be

I recently had a TERRIBLE experience with my Facebook account. I posted a note about my thoughts on the tv show Big Love. Several people joined the discussion, and I was happy to have their input.

And then it happened. One of my Friend's Husbands took it to a Personal Attack. He turned a friendly discussion into bickering. He wasn't even really addressing the topic. Just insulting people. It is MY account, My "blog" and I asked him to stop. More attacks. So, I blocked him from being able to view or participate. He bipassed that by using his Wife's account and again attacked people... namely Me.

I felt so violated.

And THEN his Wife got involved, and SHE started commenting on the note. Not about the topic.... about the injustices done to her Husband. I ultimately deleted the thread. It sucked because it is like any other "blog" to me. It is where I go to document my thoughts and feelings. I welcome input. However it remains MY little bubble of space to do with as I please as long as I stay within the apropriate boundries in the terms of use. When I deleted that thread, in a small way it was like deleted a part of who I am. It was like saying "I am only the parts of me that people want to see." That made me very angry.

His Wife went so far as to suggest that I use THIS blog for discussions, entries that people may disagree with, etc. EXCUSE ME! I certainly do NOT think so. Why keep that account if I have to be someone else? I came REALLY close to deleting my account, but I have Friends on there that I wouldn't be able to keep in touch with well without it. They don't use Blogger, or Myspace.

So, I will keep it, however, I reserve my right to be free to express who I am on it... and if someone can't respect that, then THEY can go away. Not Me.

Peculiar in the midst of the word

I have recently found it amazingly interesting how even among people who are not always what the "world" would consider the "Norm," I don't find many who share my points of view. In a religion where we preach about being prepared, people seem to find me unusual because I am passionate about being prepared. One of the most recent examples is that a few weeks ago, we bought two guns. I have been taught my entire life to have a year supply of food and supplies for my family, that the world will come to a point where crisis is the norm, and evil is rampant. Ok... Well, I have my year supply pretty well on it's way, and I have Three BEAUTIFUL Daughters, and a Son. When the state of the world becomes such that I need that supply, and people have forgotten their Humanity.... what's the point if I can't protect my assets? I'll tell you one thing: I have ZERO problem shooting someone to keep my children from starving to death or worse. Yet almost every person in my extended "network" thinks that we are OUT OF OUR MINDS for buying and keeping guns with us. Here's one thing: I have sat down with my children and shown them our guns. I have told them what they are, what they are for and what they are capable of. I DO NOT worry about an accident. Because we are educated. And our children are being educated. That's one thing that really bothers me about a lot of "Mormons" and others who are closed minded. Children are often taught in these homes that sex, guns, drugs, alcohol, etc are BAD. But these Children are almost NEVER educated about these topics in their homes. Soooo, the first time they run into a real situation with these topics, they may say "No." When pressured further, they have nothing to back themselves up with. "Because my mom and dad said so." Is Noble, but often will not hold or carry them for long. And then you get into the facts of sex not really being bad....just for certain people and situations. CONFUSING! So, how about instead of telling them "No." or it's "Bad." we educate them for Heaven's sake?! Meanwhile, I remain one who carries a gun with me. And would feel much better if we had more. Oh yeah, and I guess telling my Children how bad sex is is prolly a bad idea, since I definitely have been known to indulge myself once in a while! :-)

Pregnancy and adventure

Well, we bought a 9 mm semi, and .44 Special revolver yesterday, and took them out shooting today. HAH!I am no 20 year old anymore.I drove my minivan out on the dirt road, got my Pregnant body out, left my girls locked in the car playing My Little Pony, and went off a few yards to shoot safely.1st instruction given to me: Do not hold the 9mm like "this" because it kicks back and will hurt you. Well, so much for being the "Know it all" Mom that I often think I am. I get so frustrated that the first thing my Children do after recieving instructions from me, is do exactly what I just told them NOT to do. And so, I took aim with my hand RIGHT where it should not have been, fired, and DAMN IT! Blood. And of course, I had to stop everything until I could get the distraction of blood dripping down my hand resolved. 10 yrs ago, I prolly would have wiped it on my jeans, and forged on.Then came the realization as I shot a few more rounds, that I close my eyes when I pull the trigger. How the heck can I expect to hit ANYTHING like that?!So much for 5 yrs with an M16. And I was pretty good then, too. I could out shoot David any day.Well, after 3 mags of ammo for the 9 mm expended, I had the hang of it.Then the .44 was simple... I even hit my target. So, I gather up my gear, and haul my waddling, pregnant self back to the van, get my earplugs out of my ears, lock up the equipment, wipe the blood and grease off my hands, and climb in.Well, there had been glass on the road in front of me, so I didn't want to go forward. So I backed around, and Oh for Crying out LOUD! Where did that big mud puddle come from? Well, of COURSE I got stuck. And it's a Mom-Mobil. I don't need features that get me out of mud. So, after 15 min of meneuvering, spraying mud up the entire side of the van, and plowing through the bushes that ultimately left pretty good marks along the sides of the van, we were back to civilization.And oh yeah, I was definitely feeling the wear and tear from the shooting... I'm glad to know I CAN reasonably shoot when i'm pregnant, but it's prolly not an activity I should engage in regularly until AFTER. Poor Baby. All in all, it was a fun experience. I got my hand cleaned up, the van through a good car wash, and it was all superficial damage, so.....

Speaking of Fear

Ok, so less than 2 hours after I posted my blog about True Fear....

I got home this afternoon, to meet Elizabeth as she got off of her bus after school. And the bus emptied with NO sign of her. I asked the Bus Driver who was not the usual driver, and she checked to see if there was anyone left on the bus fitting the description. Nope!

A 5/6 yr old's schedule when they're at school is kept pretty clockwork. Including arriving and departing. This way, they can independantly get from drop off to class, and then to pick up. What do they do when that clockwork is disrupted? They are just learning to understand and communicate who they are, who they belong to, where they are supposed to be, etc.

So, when a 5 yr old doesn't show up at pick up point.... where do you look? Did they get confused? Did they get taken? Did they decide to walk home when their normal mode of transportation failed? Did it fail because they didn't show up, or because someone who was suppose to be taking care of them dropped the ball?

We live in a "small" town. But which corner do you start looking at? Which side street do you go down? Which street do you you baricade?

I thought I was going to have heart failure. My WORST fear was a realization.

There just happened to be two other adults present at the time I realized my Daughter was missing. One, another Mom from my Ward. The other, a GR Police Officer. Whew! I immediately flagged the Officer down, told him the situation, and asked where to begin. Meanwhile, Brandis called the school and we began searching, speaking to Elizabeth's Teacher, etc.

It turns out that Elizabeth had missed her bus. She then attempted to board another bus. The driver of the bus called into the Transportation Office and let them know where she was and that her bus needed to make a return trip to pick her up. 15 min after the ordeal started, my 5 yr old was delivered safe and sound to me. Thank GOD! (And No, I do not mean that to take His name in vain.)

As soon as we had located her, the Officer and Brandis left. But what a Blessing they were. The Officer told me to call 911 if she didn't show up.

One thing that really stood out in the situation to me is the description of Elizabeth. She does NOT blend in. I was giving the Officer her description, and he said that he knew who she was. Brandis also mentioned how unique her appearance is... especially her hair. I am so glad she doesn't blend in. It gives me peace of mind to know that she could be easily spotted. :-)

9 Months

9 months can seem like a lifetime, and I find that to be highly interesting.

9 months ago, I had a 5, 3, and 19 month old. I was in the final stages of a divorce. I was planning a future that is night and day to the future on my agenda now.

9 months ago, I was 170 lbs. And losing.

9 months ago, I had more things on my plate in the Legal department, than I would ever care to remember.

9 months ago, I wasn't worried about a car, I didn't have one I was satisfied with... but I had a truck, so I didn't care.

9 months ago, having another Baby was a flicker of a thought. Something I expected.... some time, maybe in a couple of years.

9 months ago, I was brousing engagement rings. Wedding ring, shopping, and planning for a September wedding.

9 months ago, I was part of a Family. Not completely, but my foot was in the door. And I loved them very much. The thought of being there was something I was really looking forward to. And they had already shown me so much care and acceptance. I miss that Family... But I have MINE in one piece.

9 months ago, I couldn't even consider coexisting with My Girls Father. Living 2 blocks away from him was WAY too close.

9 months ago, I was a Dreamer.

Well, I'm still a Dreamer, but my dreams have a very similar, but very different purpose.My Girls are happier than I expected them to be 9 months ago. My Bishop commented that 9 months ago, he could have NEVER predicted this outcome. Non of us could have.But here it is. I am re-married , livng in the same place , VERY pregnant , and have 2 "new" cars.... but no truck . ( I have a van though, and that's the next best thing.... and prolly something I would have needed even WITH the truck. ) I don't even have to THINK "Legal System"....And I am certainly NOT 170 and losing anymore.

I have a LOT of love in my life. 9 months happier. 9 months closer to eternity. 9 months more peaceful. 9 months and a Different Person.

True Fear

I realized something driving home from Salt Lake at 8 pm last night: I never knew True Fear until I became a Mother. I worried, but what did I have to lose? How much was really on the line? (Temporally anyway) But now, I have 4 other Souls, People, Angels, pick a word on the line. I was not a HUGE risk taker, but I was gutsy, daring, etc. I drove crazy just because I could, and I was prolly certain that I was invincible. I mean what was the worst that could happen if I got in a car accident. Yes, I could be severely injured... maybe even killed. But I really didn't think about that much. Chances were we weren't going to be talking life or death. But NOW.....

I have never been so cautious, so willing to go the extra mile for an added measure of security.