Setting an Example

When I decided to get a tattoo, I had to think about the example it was setting for My Children. Specifically My Girls. David has one.

So, today we had a discussion:

ME: I just told GG that I got a Tattoo, and she thinks it's not a good way to treat my body

The Girls and I then discussed that it isn't not nice, looks good, hurts a lot and bleeds a lot.

So, I told them, if you choose to get a tattoo, that is up to you.... but you have to wait until you're 21.

Just like having a Baby, it hurts a lot and you bleed a lot. So wait until you're 21 on BOTH.

And that seemed to be an effective way of presenting it to them.

Elysia says she doesn't want one. And I told her that was just fine. But if she DOES want one.... she has to wait until she's 21.

And my whole basis for that age is this: They need to wait until they are old enough to have SOME idea of consequences so they can make an educated decision.

I have a feeling they will be hearing a lot of "I waited until I was 30"'s ;-)

Today's adventures

Here is the symbolic key:

*Treble Cleft: My Passion for Life and Music
*Libra Scales balancing sun and falling star: Balance between Light and Darkness... specifically in my life and personality
*Pink Triple Note: My Girls
*Blue Eighth Note: Jacob

"Thank You!"

"Thank You. Thank you very very muuuch...." Is STUCK in my head thanks to Mandi Hawkins who sent me a ring tone similar to that. But the words were not "Thank You." But since "Thank You" is MUCH nicer than the other words, we'll stick with that. ;-)

Tattoo

I was in the shower tonight, getting ready to go bowling, and yes, I decided to get a tattoo.

Amanda V came and picked me up, and we went and got her Friend, Tasha. Dropped her 2 Boys off at her Dad's and headed for RS.

And the Tattoo Parlor had JUST closed. Or this is what I would have on my ankle

Being Held Hostage

I've been trying to get out of this funk. But the seriously dwindling support system I have is not making it any easier.

What's hardest is looking at My Beautiful Boy and Gorgeous Girls and seeing how under appreciated they are.

Family Members who don't even give them the time of day.

Friends who pass them over.

I am going from getting out of this Funk to getting angry, and back and forth.

Don't Eat the Chicken!!!!!

I had a dream last night that rivals any other. It was CLEAR. It left a BURNING thought.

So, for what it is worth, here is the message if not details on the dream:

If there ever comes a time where we are all aware of a threat (Ie An outbreak, no ability to get food, something like that)

And the Government is giving everyone rationed food (especially in big bags)....

(in my dream it occurred like this: We were all aware that something was wrong (but just barely, so it wasn't like mass chaos or people dying yet). The government was broadcasting the message to us that let us know to find a safe place, stay put, and just be patient. Then they began distributing big bags of food. (that seemed to be the solution.) I was actually with Michele Lewis at the time, and she seemed somewhat anxious (she seemed to need the solution more than I did). And I said to her "Look, there it is (the food/or solution). Everything's fine now." We were waiting for ours. Everyone who got their "bag" seemed appeased, and it was only a matter of time before we got ours. And then I could see a ways down the road to people who already had theirs. And it was BAD. It was worse than the initial problem. People were trying to get as far away from the food as possible. And I remember saying to Michele "DON'T EAT THE CHICKEN!")

DON'T EAT IT!

*****************************************************
Something I have always been HUGE on is Food Storage. And let me tell you that I am sooo grateful to have ours. Because when faced with starvation or eating something that may or may not be dangerous, VERY FEW people can resist eating the food.

We have a lot of grain. What I need to focus on now is supplementing the grains. We need more water, broth, juice, and some other things.

People, if you don't have it, get some food storage!!!

I refuse to give my power away

'nuff said.... for now till I organize my thoughts better ;-)

I lost sight, and I need to get going on making up for lost time

This is what it's truly ALL about!

How My Children view me!

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!!!!!!

Losing sight of a Higher Standard

"When you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun. Unslumping yourself is not easily done!" Dr Seuss

I've been in a slump. A Funk. What ever you want to call it. But it has come at a time when I was making amazing strides in who I was and wanted to be.

And then I slipped into the world of Teenage Werewolves.

I'm done.

I'm unslumping.

I'm done throwing a tantrum over being discriminated against, and I'm giving people a reason to expect their expectations of me to be met.

My name is Candace, and I am no longer a Drama-Holic who lives in a slump and a constant state of Funk.

I am better than this. I have a lot to give.

I am so grateful to the people in my life who have contributed to my FIRE for life. Some have contributed by breaking my heart, and some have contributed by mending it.... and it gets so much stronger every time. So, I have to be grateful to those who broke it as well as those who have mended it.

Thank you to those of you who stick by me through my funks. Thank you to those who can forgive me for my imperfections and still love me.

What I did today

Living Life

I LOVE My LIFE!!!!! It SOOOO has it's ups and downs. And sometimes I cry HARD. But I LOVE My LIFE.

I have spent so many moments with so many different people and experiences. And I LOVE MY LIFE!

Here it is:

If you do not accuse each other, God will not accuse you. If you have no accuser you will enter heaven, and if you will follow the revelations and instructions which God gives you through me, I will take you into heaven as my back load. If you will not accuse me, I will not accuse you. If you will throw a cloak of charity over my sins, I will over yours—for charity covereth a multitude of sins. Joseph Smith.....

Here folks is the ticket to Heaven!

To be or not to be

I go back and forth these days on expanding our Family.

I Sigh and realize that I have my hands quite full, and as my Friend Amanda pointed out, it would mean one more to keep track of.

But I haven't resigned to being done yet.... which tells me we're prolly not.

For REAL????

I understand that it was a rough night, but Friday night David says to me: "Maybe you SHOULD look for a job outside the home. I think maybe you've been outside of the workplace too long, and don't understand how hard it is." Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

FOR REAL?!?!?!?!?!

Once in a while NON SAHMs will say things that just B-L-O-W my mind!!!!!!

Yes that night our house was still trashed at 1 am. But it was one of those days where despite ordering pizza to "help" things run more smoothly, it just didn't.

And on top of everything, I shocked myself severely while attempting to play electrician and rewire the bathroom outlet... something I NEVER should have attempted.

All while David went to a movie... which he told me later, he didn't appreciate.

*Sigh*

Whatever.

He made up for it Sat when I had my Girls Night :-)

All about Passion

Now that I've had a chance to try the products, here is my first list of Absolute MUST buys:
*Soft & Silky UniSEX Shaving Crème™ Original,
*Soft & Silky After Shave Protection Mist™,
*Liquid Body Silk,
*Revelation™Lubricant,
*Bullet,
*The Amazing Hot Massager™,
*Watermelon Nibblers,
*Hand Cream Green Tea,
*Kegel Pods,
*Silky Sheets, and
*Pure Instinct roll on

My life as it stands.

I think I have figured out the direction I need to go for now.

I have been struggling with the whole "more Children" topic. And the answer is in between yes and no. Not when I thought. But not never either. This is good.

I want to move into the apartment complex D is working at pretty badly. It's to simplify our lives more than anything.

SO, I am going to go through our stuff and get rid of the stuff that's just taking up space. I HAVE to! I can't stand the confinement!

So, I'm making my list. Checking it twice. ;-) Of things that go, and things that stay.

In my "Humble" opinion

Movies we've seen lately: "Valentine's Day." I liked this one. "Cop Out." Good story, I like Bruce Willis, but I HATE the language. "Planet 51." A new "Fav" at our place.

Products we've tried: "Off" brand Insect Repellent Fan. SUCKED! "Passion Parties" Nibblers (Watermelon). Love it! Best chap stick EVER.

There are NO words.

I have continued reading the book "The Cleansing of America." I can't stress this ENOUGH: IT IS A MUST READ!!!!!!

It is NOT "Light Reading" but it is IMPORTANT reading.

And Today has been HELL on earth.

On our way home from Salt Lake last week, the cork must have come out of the bottle. It took us 6 hours to get home. David was different than he has been in a long time. And I REFUSE to go back to that way of existence. And NO ONE who has not been through it can know just how deep the feelings run!

We fought and then stopped the car and got out for a break, and then repeated the scenario several times.

Today he REFUSED to go to church. Refused to help get the Children ready, and as I am DASHING out the door (because for ONCE rather than fight with him, I was getting MYSELF to church ( I was cutting it too close to get the 4 children ready by myself) He announced that I was NOT leaving the Children. So, we showed up JUST in time for the sacrament with Jacob in Pajamas, Abby shoeless, and NO One's hair done. (YES the sacrament was THAT important to me).

And I struggled and struggled to handle my emotions, and my Children by myself. And then Ivy took the time to help with Jacob. And Teresa took the time to talk with me and help with Elysia. And then Ivy took MORE time to help with Abby. And the Bishop sat with me for at LEAST an hour and a half while I went back and forth in my mind on where my relationship with David stood.

And it wasn't caused by David refusing to go to church or help out. It was caused by what that symbolized.

You see, all of that Heaven and Hell stuff that you read about in the Scriptures. That Prophets have spoken of for CENTURIES and MILENA, It is the stuff our lives are made of.

We really actually have it in our FACES. And when we choose things that are not "Good" things EXPLODE. And when we choose things that ARE "Good" other things explode.

And Elizabeth and Elysia are sooooo AWESOME. And Jacob and Abby are soooo SPECIAL!

Someday my ramblings will make sense. But Bella from Twilight said it well when she said: "Alice, is it possible that everything's true? The fairy tales and horror stories? Is it possible that there isn't anything sane and normal at all?..."

And don't go freaking out. I'm quite sane. And quite safe. I just know things that MANY people don't know, let alone understand... though we've been told about them since the beginning of the world.

Who am I?

"Who am I, where am I going?
Here I sit all alone not knowing why.
Brace me up, I'm so discouraged.
Help, I think I'm gonna die.
How it hurts to be a no one
How I wish I was someone really loved.
Brace me up, I'm such a failure.
Heaven, help me, up above.


Isn't there a someone with a hand to spare?
Who can share what they have for my hunger?
isn't there a someone who will take me as I am
And brace me up, not put me down.
Make me feel like I'm as good as another!


Doubts and fears keep comin' faster,
Boy I'm headed for disaster, that's for sure.
Brace me up, I'm going under.
Help, somebody, find a cure."

I struggle daily with knowing that I am on this earth to help people and yet so many seem to feel that the help I have to offer is not good enough. The song above is not how I feel. But I read blog after blog, and status after status from people who DO feel this way. And I want to tell them that they aren't as alone as they think they are. But I get incredibly tired of the rejection that follows such an attempt.

I have just learned.... especially over the years that I have been a Mom, that the more I reach out, and share what I have with others, the more full of the qualities that make me a Good Mom I am.

I LOVE my Children so very much. And as corny as this sounds, it's almost as though the more I branch out, the more filled with a luminescence I am. My name means "Full of Light." And I truly believe part of my potential is to manifest that quality. And the more I share, the closer I get. And it benefits My Family in so many ways.

I guess that sums it up. Since it is now almost 2 am, I had better leave it at that.

Speaking of which, I am so grateful to not have to be anywhere most days of the week. I enjoy laid back :-)

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella by Stephenie Meyer




It was satisfactory. A Blatant tragedy, which is sad. But it added to Eclipse and gave new insight.

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Misconstrued

i think people misinterpret my out going nature. I'm not clingy, not needy. I just have this idea that the journey is always better when you do it with a friend, or 2, or 5! :-) I just always enjoy things more when I have people.... good friends.... to enjoy it with.

So if I am CONSTANTLY inviting you to do things, it's not because I am codependent. It's because it's so much better when you're there.

You would think it would help people feel good. That's what it's meant to do. I HATE feeling left out. Why would I want someone else to feel that way? SO many people complain about feeling lonely, left out, like nobody likes them. Well, I'm starting to firmly believe it's their own damn fault! When someone tries to be your friend, and include you, and you refuse because they're not the person you WANT to invite you, include you, etc, STOP COMPLAINING about being alone!

Changes

I have started reading the book by W Cleon Skousen called The Cleansing of America.

Five pages is enough to put the "Fear of God" into a person. SERIOUSLY! Because it's intense, straight to the point, and HONEST.

And it's made me think about where I am at on the scale between "good and bad."

And it is clear that some things need to change.

And so, I will be working VERY hard to clean up the areas in my life that need some tweaking and improving. Because BELIEVE me when I say, I do NOT want to be on the wrong side when these events take place.

Sizzling Sixteen

Sizzling Sixteen by Janet Evanovich



Good book.... I love this series. It was left open for a 17th book, but there is no mention of one yet. Hopefully!

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Yes, here it is: WTF!!!!!!!!!

I am a genuinely nice person. And as I have come into my own so to speak over the past year, I think I've gotten nicer. More assertive. Less agressive. I stand my ground more. But I can truly say that there is not a mean bone in my body. When I get heated, it is loud, but short lived, and if there is ever a moment where I hurt someone's feelings, ESPECIALLY The Girls, I am quick to make things right.

I would do just about Anything for those I care about.... Friends, Family..... even strangers.

And yet I'm not "good enough" for people.

And that is C-R-A-P!

SO, I'm sorry I'm not good enough. Sorry I am too loud, too pushy, too fat, too over the top, funny looking, funny smelling, not a good enough parent, not a good enough Mormon, not sexy, WHAT THE F EVER it is that makes me not high enough quality for YOU and YOU and YOU and YOU!!!!!

BUT I have a WONDERFUL Family of 6 with 5 people who worship the ground I walk on. I am caring, outgoing, strong, HONEST, GENUINE, and I work my absolute hardest EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY to be better than the day before. I am confident, sassy, sweet, and I have an AMAZING capacity for love. And I NEVER abuse the relationships I have.... I know just how valuable they are.