Uh OH!

So, I'm 25 weeks, and have a dilemma I have NEVER had before. What to name this Baby. I have NEVER made it this far without it being decided. And it has NOTHING to do with not finding out the gender. What to do?!

Blast from the past

Wow, so here are a couple of stories that have been brought up that I figured I'd share:

In Basic Training, I had a locker and bed close enough to the bathroom that I ignored the mandate to only undress in the bathroom. I'd strip down and hurry in thinking I was "safe". Males and Females were completely separate, so I didn't worry about who saw. One day at dinner a Male Soldier I knew said "You're in (this Slot in you barracks) aren't you?" I said "How would YOU know?" He said I'm in the barracks with a window facing yours, you don't have any blinds in your window." And he winked... LUCKILY, not seeming disgusted, in fact he actually seemed pleased (I was in MUCH better shape then) but I never undressed outside of the bathroom the rest of my time there.

Another time, In different Barracks.... you see the rule was to only undress in the bathroom because Male Drill Sergeants could come into the barracks any time. They would announce their presence, but still. If you were already undressed, it might be too late. So one morning, I'm getting dressed (I wasn't going all the way down the hall to the bathroom) and I'm done except for my pants which I'm sitting on my bed with my back to the bedroom (which I shared with 7 others) door putting on, when a male Drill Sergeant comes on the floor. He announces his presence, tells us to continue what we're doing (everyone else was shining shoes or making beds) and tells us what he needs to. As he leaves he says behind him "Oh, and tell Flesher (my last name then) to get her pants on."

LUCKILY both of these incidents were nothing but funny/a tiny embarrassing, but all in good humor. Unfortunately, I'm still not the best at shutting the blinds. ;-)

Not too toot my own horn, but....

I can speak more words in more languages than the average person; I understand the multi dimensions of religion, language, music, poetry, literature, and psychology; I can almost 100% accurately "guess" a person's "type"; My children understand more than many their age along with being highly intelligent; I have a good amount of life experience, have traveled, have lived in several different areas of the country; Scored high enough on both my ACTs and my Military Entrance Exam that I could have ANY career I want except Rocket Scientist (or MOST science oriented careers, but that's not an intelligence thing, I'm squeamish); and I am cultured.


I'm not seriously large or over weight, especially NOW that my weight and belly have collaborated and I look very Pregnant and no longer obese. I am not knock out good looking nor am I terribly unattractive... on a normal day when I do my hair, and put on some mascara, I'd say I'm not offensive to the eye. I'm normally perky, pleasant, and have a relaxed look on my face UNTIL something happens to change it.

And yet, it is AMAZINGLY common for almost everyone I come in contact with to take ONE look at me and type me as Dumb, Stupid, Unintelligent, Ditsy, or Clueless.

REALLY?!

What exactly about me dubs me as such? These people don't usually see me with my Kids, they don't know anything about me other than what I look like at that moment. I usually have not said ANYTHING yet. And still, I can say that it's a 90% chance that in this situation, I will be classified as stated above.

I don't get it at ALL!!!!

And I can PROMISE that 90% of these people who will make this assumption have a lower intelligence, cultural, and educational level than I do.

Week 24

Pregnancy can make your body do really weird things. I won’t even go into the darker nipples or the linea negra. Instead, we’ll discuss hair.
When you think of a pregnant woman, I bet you don’t think of someone covered in hair, do you? Well, you should!
We all know that pregnancy makes the hair on your head grow faster and less of it falls out. But, did you know that the hair on your legs stops growing as fast as it did?
That’s a good thing. If you’re anything like me, you don’t have the energy to lean down and shave your legs every day. (Of course, once you have a newborn, you’ll probably go months without shaving, but that’s a different story altogether.)
Although I enjoyed having to shave my legs even less than I normally did, it seemed as if all the hair traveled from my legs up to my belly. Yes, my belly, the part of me that everyone wanted to touch. The part of me that jutted out much further than should be allowed.
Covered. In. Hair.
I’m not saying I looked like a wooly mammoth, but the amount of hair on my belly easily rivaled (or surpassed) the amount on my arms. Instead of the perfectly round, hairless bellies you see on TV or in ads, I had a big round, hairy lump with an off-center linea negra.
I’d like to believe I could have won some sort of sexy swimsuit competition with my belly, but I doubt that’d happen. That is, unless they have those sorts of things in really dark rooms.

24 weeks!

Many may not realize this but 24 weeks gestation is HUGE. It is the point where scientists and some important people who decide these things have placed the Limit of Viability.

Which means my Baby's odds of survival outside the womb just crossed the 50% line.

Now, I have always been VERY fortunate, and have chubby 8 lb full term babies at around 39 weeks. So I am not concerned. And I get that 50% is still not the odds I want. The baby would still have SERIOUS hurdles and health issues to over come.

But I consider this a BIG milestone!

Just a side note this is also the scale they use for abortions. Once a baby reaches the Limit of Viability abortions are not morally justified by the medical community. Totally a side note just pointing out that on BOTH sides of things, this is a big week for my little growing Baby! :-) The Medical community, even those pro "Choice" now consider my little ear of corn a Person now.

The truth of it

David's Family have been involved in WW3 for the past few days. I wasn't really an active participant when it all actually detonated, but it all kind of centered around me.

I planned and invited people to a Party for Jacob. And it happened to be the day that David's Sister was THINKING of having her son's.

Now that the storm has come, and gone, and it's "clean up" time, here are the things I learned.

First of all, I am a planner. I always have been, and it benefits me and I believe my Family of 7 to be a planner. So I don't see that changing. If I get the idea in my head in April, to have a party in July, I plan it and invite people then. I don't wait. If I wait, they may have made other plans. If I plan it when their schedule for that time is free, my chances of having them there are better. Especially people who have to travel. If you know in April that there is a party in July you need to budget for, it's so much easier than finding out in June.

I DON'T care if someone wants to have a party the same day. If I planned mine before they did, then I didn't steal that date. They can either find a different date, or accept that I have a party on that date.

I won't be adjusting anymore. Last year, we tried to move Jacob's party to accommodate family who didn't come anyway. So, now, I set the date and time, and that is when the party is. If you say "I can't come till 7." Well, the party is still at 2. Cake and ice cream and presents will be between 2 and 5. So, come at 7 if you want. We'd love to see you. But the PARTY might be over. We can still do something together. Especially if I know in advance so I don't plan something for that time frame. But we won't be shifting the times for the party.

ALL that matters is my Family of 7. I LOVE to include as MANY family and friends as I can. I will make things as conducive and amiable as I can for everyone in my life. But in the end, that's not where the top priority is.

A LOT of the issues that David and I have struggled with are traits others in his family share. Quirks that he has that have needed to be worked through are quirks that he shares with at least 2 of his siblings as well as his parents. This makes it a little easier to understand and either avoid or work with his family. Unfortunately, one of the BIG underlying issues is based on not being 100% honest about who they are, why they do what they do, and what's going on. I think that once a person is 100% honest about a situation, they can fix ANYTHING. But until then, nothing can really be fixed. You can't fix something that isn't real. Another thing I've noticed is a blurred moral line. The only real example is this: David really truly didn't see the difference between hitting a female who pissed you off, and hitting a male that pissed you off. It seriously didn't register. Fair was fair. If you deserved to be hit, you deserved to be hit. And if you were a foot shorter that him, that didn't change the force you could take. Had David understood weight/height differences/advantages, and gender differences in this area, our relationship would never have reached the levels of abuse it did. The last area that those in the family seem to struggle with is Logical vs illogical or maybe conscious vs subconscious logic. HONESTLY David doesn't get pregnancy. The Baby is not really there because he cannot feel it, see it, etc. In his head, he understands that a pregnancy meets certain criteria ie: A baby has to be in there, is growing therefore the expansion of the body, is hungry therefore the need for food. But it's a very intangible and gaseous concept. the idea is basically that cravings, pains, aversions, and the like are "figments" that are created in ones mind to get one to transition from not being pregnant to having a baby. Clear as mud? This is a family who needs a little more black and white and a few more tangible boundaries of what IS acceptable, and what just isn't.

David's Family doesn't always see, acknowledge, or enforce role separation. for example, David's Sister: She has 2 older brothers and sisters in law who were well established in adulthood (over 21 with families of their own) when she reached 18. To put it in biblical terms, she has no birthright, and in mid-eval terms, no right to the throne in the Rose line. In current religious terms, she is sealed to the Petersons. Her blood line, posterity, throne rights, and birthrights are all through her husband. She and her Husband ARE the top in HIS family. But there are 2 Sons ahead of her in HER family. She is still just as much a part of the family. She can still have her Mommy. She can still have everything she needs in life. But in the Rose Family, her role is the same as Kiera's (her sister in law) is in the Peterson Family. Not seeing this, or acknowledging this, results in an inability she has to acknowledge others' needs, and and hard time sharing. Which partly comes from her parents basically having 2 sets of children: The 2 oldest were out of the house before the 2 youngest were old enough to understand. She shares and works fine with her YOUNGER brother, but regularly forgets that there are 2 older ones. And her mom has never explained to her that she is the younger sister and not the first born son. I'm not saying she's any less important because she's a girl or third born. But there were people here, sons here, before she was. And they and their families have needs that are just as real and just as important and just may be a little farther along in the evolution of needs process. Order seniority is lost on these people because her mom and dad WERE the oldest, and forgot to point out to their younger children that the roles ARE different. And like the children's roles, like so many other things in this family, the PARENTS'roles lack clear boundaries too. So, Monkey see, Monkey do, right? Why follow the limits set by boundaries that don't exist in your world. The problem is, that "your" world may be a bit unrealistic and confined. And they Do exist, you have just never had to learn them.

Another issue that has become VERY apparent, is the abundance of favoritism where there is "none." I can't tell you how many times David's mother has sworn that there is NO favoritism. That is absolutely NOT true. There ARE certain "favors" that one or two children may be privy to that the other 2 or 3 are not. And that doesn't help ONE bit.

Heads always roll when things like this are heard by those without the education to understand them. But the truth is OFTEN hard to those who don't want to open their eyes to it. Just because you've never SEEN outside the box you're in doesn't mean there's nothing out there. And a wise person would listen to the people who've gone outside those 4 walls and not discredit them simply because they didn't see it with their own eyes. However, THIS too is a trait of the family discussed.

The sad thing here is that the parents HAVE been outside the box. And have failed passing that information down to their Children. The oldest, in an attempt to do everything perfectly, struggled for YEARS to come to terms with this. The 2nd was not so eager to "please" and never let himself be ignorant to what there was outside.... he didn't have it easy, but in the end, it worked out. The Daughter is far enough behind in age to have no gems from her brothers' struggles and lessons learned, and has been coddled by her parents to the point where she just takes their word for it. And the youngest son, well, we'll just have to see. But for now he shows all signs of being seriously blinded to reality and moral boundaries. He does what he wants, but doesn't see the reality of his distorted perspective.

What this all comes down to is one SERIOUSLY dysfunctional family that is trying to do a good job, but again, the first step is being honest with onself about what the situation IS. I LOVE and appreciate the kind and good things each person does. But I HATE the closed mindedness that often dominates. As GI Joe says though "Knowing is half the battle" so though I may not like it, at least I know what I'm up against and can be prepared. And the past week has taught me new methods of handling the situation. Thanks Rachel, for being a trail blazer and imparting your wisdom. Your input has been the catalyst for the discovery of what is really at the bottom of the situation and coping mechanisms for handling it better.

You just can't see the other side, can you?

If someone made you cry, are you able to see that you hurt people too? Maybe they have been holding back on your fragility for a long time, and finally couldn't take it anymore. And what about when THEY cried? Did you care?

ok, since no one can answer my question from a few posts ago, let me. I have researched this to make sure it's the real definition of a SAHM and not just my opinion.

And a Stay at Home Mom is a mother who stays at home with her children and is not a part of the paid workforce.


A mother who works in the paid workforce from home is a Work at Home Mom.

And a mother who works out side the home in the paid workforce, is a Working Mom.

I have no problem with either.

You have to do what you feel best for your family.

But let me make this simple: If you put your child in daycare, or leave them with a baby sitter... even if it's your spouse, while you make $ in a building other than your residence, you are NOT a stay at home Mom. Sorry.

My Old Friend

D-O-N-E would be the word for where I am with certain people. Like, REALLY REALLY DONE!!!! I REALLY wish I could be there when a certain person crossed over to the next life, and could just observe and nod here and there.... and then I would walk away!!!!

Like it is

I try to be respectful of other peoples' life styles. ESPECIALLY when they do no harm to the community. I fully honor others' rights to have the same choices I have.

People though seem to not get in general that with those choices come consequences.
You choose to live in a country that you have entered illegally and are draining resources that aren't yours to use from it..... you're not going to be welcomed with open arms. ESPECIALLY when you expect people to cater to YOUR needs while you take from them.

You cannot belong to ANY organization that has guidelines, if you don't meet those guidelines! You can love whomever you love. But some private organizations do not allow practicing Gays in.... and that's just how it is. Find a different organization. But they don't HAVE to change their rules for you. Creating NEW, unfair rules are STILL their prerogative if they are a private club or organization so SORRY!

Then there are parents who work rather than staying home with their kids. That's life. SOMEONE has to bring in $. But do BOTH parents always have to? SOMETIMES. And in some situations: when childcare isn't defeating the purpose of the paycheck, parents who work because they WANT to but don't need to, MORE POWER TO THEM! Some are just not cut out to stay home ALL day EVERY day. Some like that balance. And that's FINE. But A)Don't criticize those who choose the alternative... ESPECIALLY if both parents working means that the 2nd paycheck does NOTHING but pay for the childcare. And B) If you work more that 10 hours outside the home each week, you are NOT a Stay at home Parent. So at least be honest with yourself and the rest of us. You are a Working Parent.... and that's fine. Just own it!!!!

And FINALLY, you may choose to have one or two children. Don't criticize those who choose to have more. They aren't freaks, possessing an over active sex drive, or selfish. (in MOST cases anyway!) They just want a big family. And that is OK! As long as those Children are reasonably being cared for, BUTT OUT!!!!!!!!!

Day 2

Day 2-Picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest:

Jennifer and I met when we were 10. She's been stuck with me through thick and thin ever since. She is the God Mother to my Girls.

I don't like who I was.

As I was loading the kids into the car after a very full and tiring day, I heard some teenagers being crazy and loud close by. And it bothered me a LOT. And I thought about it. I WAS one of those teenagers once. And I was at LEAST that loud. And did not care one bit what any one thought of it. I ruled the world.

And I realized that I think deep down, the reason it bothers me is because I really don't like the person I used to be.

I was cute, smart, funny, had lots of friends, had a good amount of boys who I liked or who liked me. I really DID have the world at my feet. But I was cocky, and carefree, and wanted what I wanted. And that meant that I had boyfriends who overlapped. I had a serious boyfriend, or 2, or 3 constantly from the time I was 15, till I was 23. And I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I broke hearts. Including my own.

And then, I settled down. Sort of. I married David because it was the right thing to do. But I was still WAY too into me. I loved him. But not like I thought I did. I had NO hesitations about the marriage. I KNEW it was what I wanted. But I was not 100% invested in it. I was still way too into what made ME happy.

I have done a LOT of finding out what being me really entails. I have evolved a TON. And the core thing I think I hate about who I WAS, is exactly this: I had the world before me, and was too selfish to use that power for what it was really worth. Had I exhausted the amazing gift I was given, I could have had it ALL.

And I was STUPID. And I had to learn the hard way. And it hurt.

And now here I am. With EVERYTHING! And so grateful I'm the person I AM, and not the person I WAS!

Day 1

Day 1- Picture of you with 15 facts.
1. I have eyes that change color.
2. I am married to my 2nd Husband.
3. I LOVE Starbucks, and recipes with alcohol based ingredients
4. I have 3 Daughters from my 1st marriage, and a Son from my 2nd
5. Food is my secret lover :)
6. I was a Passion Parties Consultant
7. I want to move out of the US
8. I have lived in 5 different states since I was 19
9. I am as abrasive as I am because I've been hurt a LOT
10. I actually AM a people pleaser :/
11. I am working on talking David into baby #6
12. I am more in love with David than I could have imagined possible 10 years ago
13. I am a lot nicer than people think I am
14. I love taking naps :)
15. I love having Children. I have actually gotten depressed over the idea of NOT having more

Question

Here's a question: What constitutes a "Stay at Home" Parent? I think the line has been blurred and now I'm confused. I THOUGHT that's what I am. And my Mom who worked 5 days a week was a "Working Mom." Can someone clear this up?

Griping

This is stemming from a morning that started out GREAT and went to Shit in a matter of minutes, combined with some recent encounters that were exacerbated by the lousy turn in mood.

I shouldn't have to be the bad guy because you don't want to teach your child manners... it puts me in an unfair situation. To either let your child take advantage of me or someone in my care, or be the person they don't like because I didn't let them do what they shouldn't have been doing in the first place. There are behaviors that just aren't socially acceptable, and if your thoughts are that "they're only a child, cut them some slack," then think about this: At what age do you teach them how to behave in a social setting? You're not raising them to be children, your raising them to be successful adults. If they shouldn't do it as an adult, there is NO reason for them to do it as a child. An infant or a toddler that cannot understand what you are saying, fine. But my 20 month old understands "That is not ok" better than many adults do.

Socially unacceptable behaviors include: Eating someone's food that was NOT offered to you.... especially off the plate in front of them or out of their hand, Playing with yourself in any situation besides the privacy of your bedroom or bathroom (don't get me started on that one.... in my house it's not acceptable no matter WHERE you are..... and YES, my 20 month old even understands THAT), Talking over/interrupting people..... etc.


And if you are in customer service, you need to have some people skills... I get that your job may SUCK, but I pay your paycheck. I am the reason you have a job. You piss off enough of "me" and you won't be able to pay YOUR bills.