Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Otis
If you've never seen this movie, don't. It's very very disturbing, and was enough for me to go through and erase any "public" situations where I broadcast my life. It's amazing how many things had to change.
I've changed all of my public info that I control to not talk about where we live, what we do, etc.
PHEW! I'm sure I'll think of more, but for now, we're more private, and hopefully safer for it!
I've changed all of my public info that I control to not talk about where we live, what we do, etc.
PHEW! I'm sure I'll think of more, but for now, we're more private, and hopefully safer for it!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Breakfast of Lovers?
For Valentine's Day breakfast, we had Red Velvet Heart Shaped Pancakes with a Buttermilk glaze ♥
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Fresh
New home....
New Ward....
New Neighbors....
New Email....
New Parties.....
New Memories....
New Phone Number....
New Zip Code....
New Loyalties....
New Guests....
New Furnishings...
New Approach....
New Goals.....
New Outlook....
New Relationships within these walls....
New Roles.....
New Patterns....
New Habits....
New Rooms.....
LOVE Fresh!
New Ward....
New Neighbors....
New Email....
New Parties.....
New Memories....
New Phone Number....
New Zip Code....
New Loyalties....
New Guests....
New Furnishings...
New Approach....
New Goals.....
New Outlook....
New Relationships within these walls....
New Roles.....
New Patterns....
New Habits....
New Rooms.....
LOVE Fresh!
Say it like you mean it
My Friend, Amanda, is AMAZING. She is a REAL Friend. She truly loves our Family despite our flaws and mistakes. She loves us for what and who we really are. She has seen us at our worst, and loves us anyway.
She made a comment in the middle of all that happened the past few weeks that has stuck with me.
"Sometimes we see what we don't like about our selves in others... it's called projecting."
And it was such a pristine observation.
Because as I wrote the last post, I realized that all of the things others tend to rant about being a problem with ME, are quite often issues they have with themselves.... they just don't see it or want to acknowledge it.
David has done it too. When he is least kind towards me, it is because he doesn't like himself. When he picks at specific flaws of mine, it's because he sees something similar in himself and he doesn't like it.
This is one of the fundamental reasons, next to and also because of my relationship with My Savior, that it was others and not me who attacked first. Because as soon as I see a fault in someone else, I know that I usually struggle with it too. So, I leave finding fault with THEM alone, and try to work on it in ME instead.
Passive/aggressiveness seems to be pretty consistent in projecting.
If you are going to name someone as a Hypocrite.... first make sure you NEVER do the opposite of what you preach.
If you are going to name someone as a Liar....First make sure you only EVER tell the truth.... No White Lies allowed.
If you are going to name someone as a Few Bricks Short, Loonie, Crazy, what ever name you put with it... First make sure your actions always makes perfect logical sense... Which, by the way rules out Parents, Any one of ANY Religious Denomination, and Free Thinkers.
If you are going to name someone as Worthy of your Ridicule.... You better have NOTHING in common with them. At ALL!!!
As I typed the previous post, I realized that EVERY negative thing people have said about me recently are the exact same areas that I see faults that they have.
Again, I won't be handling it the way they did. But I just had to punctuate how poignant and real Amanda's statement is!
She made a comment in the middle of all that happened the past few weeks that has stuck with me.
"Sometimes we see what we don't like about our selves in others... it's called projecting."
And it was such a pristine observation.
Because as I wrote the last post, I realized that all of the things others tend to rant about being a problem with ME, are quite often issues they have with themselves.... they just don't see it or want to acknowledge it.
David has done it too. When he is least kind towards me, it is because he doesn't like himself. When he picks at specific flaws of mine, it's because he sees something similar in himself and he doesn't like it.
This is one of the fundamental reasons, next to and also because of my relationship with My Savior, that it was others and not me who attacked first. Because as soon as I see a fault in someone else, I know that I usually struggle with it too. So, I leave finding fault with THEM alone, and try to work on it in ME instead.
Passive/aggressiveness seems to be pretty consistent in projecting.
If you are going to name someone as a Hypocrite.... first make sure you NEVER do the opposite of what you preach.
If you are going to name someone as a Liar....First make sure you only EVER tell the truth.... No White Lies allowed.
If you are going to name someone as a Few Bricks Short, Loonie, Crazy, what ever name you put with it... First make sure your actions always makes perfect logical sense... Which, by the way rules out Parents, Any one of ANY Religious Denomination, and Free Thinkers.
If you are going to name someone as Worthy of your Ridicule.... You better have NOTHING in common with them. At ALL!!!
As I typed the previous post, I realized that EVERY negative thing people have said about me recently are the exact same areas that I see faults that they have.
Again, I won't be handling it the way they did. But I just had to punctuate how poignant and real Amanda's statement is!
What bothers me the most
I realized this past week what bothers me the very most about the fact that Ginger turned out to be a crappy friend.
It's not that she turned into a crappy Friend. It's that she's been a crappy Friend in Awesome Friend clothing for a while before finally being "true" to form.
Which doesn't just make her a crappy Friend. I would say it officially classifies her as a crappy PERSON!
She is still a Child of God. She still has good qualities. I won't make a laundry list of her problems and faults and what I think of her like she did me.
She's still wrong about me.
And I still have no excuse to be unkind.
But the fact that she can make that list, do it the way she did.... I've been asking her for MONTHS to tell me privately what she was so upset about, and say such awful and untrue things. Not to mention all of the side comments she has been making for almost a year now, not "acknowledging my existence", and griping so much about what an awful person I am (suggestion here: If your husband is tired of hearing you complain about someone, stop complaining and find something positive to talk about. Taking me out of the equation doesn't stop the complaining, it just means you have to complain about something else) to her husband among others.... Certainly doesn't make her the kind of person that I would want to be like.
I have apologized to her MANY times. I apologize to people that I hurt or wrong, whether it be my Children, Husband, Friend, or others. I have and always will stand by those apologies.
But I will say that I shouldn't be the only one apologizing.
And because I have apologized, and because I truly stand by what I have said about the Atonement, and the fact that it makes it wrong for me to slander her and others the way she did me. I won't go off on her mistakes, flaws, issues, and parenting blunders. I won't list the things she is too lazy to do, the way she treats people...including her husband and children, the self esteem issues that she smothers in food and spending, the repressed emotions that lead her to be so critical of others mistakes and so unforgiving, how she interacts with old boyfriends, etc.
I will however say that there are many people that I have reason to be upset with after the past few weeks, and she is the one who I think has the most that she isn't honest about.
So, while her posts that smear me from one side of the manure corral to the other hurt, I'm sure it must be AMAZINGLY therapeutic for her to FINALLY be honest and upfront about who she is and how she thinks. Rather than coating it in her usual passive/aggressive Charade
It's not that she turned into a crappy Friend. It's that she's been a crappy Friend in Awesome Friend clothing for a while before finally being "true" to form.
Which doesn't just make her a crappy Friend. I would say it officially classifies her as a crappy PERSON!
She is still a Child of God. She still has good qualities. I won't make a laundry list of her problems and faults and what I think of her like she did me.
She's still wrong about me.
And I still have no excuse to be unkind.
But the fact that she can make that list, do it the way she did.... I've been asking her for MONTHS to tell me privately what she was so upset about, and say such awful and untrue things. Not to mention all of the side comments she has been making for almost a year now, not "acknowledging my existence", and griping so much about what an awful person I am (suggestion here: If your husband is tired of hearing you complain about someone, stop complaining and find something positive to talk about. Taking me out of the equation doesn't stop the complaining, it just means you have to complain about something else) to her husband among others.... Certainly doesn't make her the kind of person that I would want to be like.
I have apologized to her MANY times. I apologize to people that I hurt or wrong, whether it be my Children, Husband, Friend, or others. I have and always will stand by those apologies.
But I will say that I shouldn't be the only one apologizing.
And because I have apologized, and because I truly stand by what I have said about the Atonement, and the fact that it makes it wrong for me to slander her and others the way she did me. I won't go off on her mistakes, flaws, issues, and parenting blunders. I won't list the things she is too lazy to do, the way she treats people...including her husband and children, the self esteem issues that she smothers in food and spending, the repressed emotions that lead her to be so critical of others mistakes and so unforgiving, how she interacts with old boyfriends, etc.
I will however say that there are many people that I have reason to be upset with after the past few weeks, and she is the one who I think has the most that she isn't honest about.
So, while her posts that smear me from one side of the manure corral to the other hurt, I'm sure it must be AMAZINGLY therapeutic for her to FINALLY be honest and upfront about who she is and how she thinks. Rather than coating it in her usual passive/aggressive Charade
Saturday, February 12, 2011
People
People,
People who need people,
Are the luckiest people in the world
We're children, needing other children
And yet letting a grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children than children
Lovers are very special people
They're the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half now you're whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world...
sung by Barbra Streisand
People who need people,
Are the luckiest people in the world
We're children, needing other children
And yet letting a grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children than children
Lovers are very special people
They're the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half now you're whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world...
sung by Barbra Streisand
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this:
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
******************************************************
I have been VERY blessed with my 4 Children, but I thought this was so amazing, I had to share!
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this:
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
******************************************************
I have been VERY blessed with my 4 Children, but I thought this was so amazing, I had to share!
Dinner Time
David took care of dinner tonight. Pork chops baked in olive oil and black pepper, Potatoes Au Gratin, and some REALLY good fruit salad. Elysia threw it up, Jacob threw it all over the dining room, Elizabeth hummed and hawed at it, and Abby scarfed hers down.... she was the ONLY child to get desert..... until Jacob stole MINE! Gotta LOVE Family Dinner Time! GOOD Job Honey, you did GREAT!
Back to Basics
1) Don't underestimate me
2) Don't tell me what to do
3) Don't EVER assume you know what's going on in my head, my thoughts, or my reasons for doing things.
4) My family is my WORLD. PERIOD.
2) Don't tell me what to do
3) Don't EVER assume you know what's going on in my head, my thoughts, or my reasons for doing things.
4) My family is my WORLD. PERIOD.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Father Knows Best
Of COURSE He does.
But unfortunately like my Sister-In-Law (though on different things) I need to learn for myself. And it's always a waste of time, and I'm worse off than if I had taken His advice from the beginning.
Sorry to those who will be disappointed in me, or us, but David and I really enjoy alcohol. It's art to us. Mixing and matching, and finding which combinations work well with eachother. You can freeze it, heat it, add to it, simplify it, compound it. And it tastes good and makes things fun.
But it weakens your immunity, both physically and spiritually.
And This is what we have been told all along.
The reason it has been longer coming for me to come to this conclusion is because I have always been hyper aware of the impact it can have on one spiritually. Therefore I am REALLY good at being on my guard when alcohol is involved. I think clearer with alcohol.... it quiets all of the other tangents my mind wants to explore, and i focus on one line of thinking better. And I can always remind myself to be in control and make rational and safe choices. It wasn't ALWAYS like that, but it is now.
I feel more grounded and able to be assertive to the right degree.
The art of drinking is similar to swallowing swords, working with dangerous animals, etc. It can be extremely dangerous without the proper precautions, know how, experience, etc.
Being 100% honest, I would be better in many ways if I had 1 or 2 good drinks a day. BUT it KILLS my immune system.
So, we will be good around here.
Because after all, My Father told me it wasn't good for me, and He was right :-)
But unfortunately like my Sister-In-Law (though on different things) I need to learn for myself. And it's always a waste of time, and I'm worse off than if I had taken His advice from the beginning.
Sorry to those who will be disappointed in me, or us, but David and I really enjoy alcohol. It's art to us. Mixing and matching, and finding which combinations work well with eachother. You can freeze it, heat it, add to it, simplify it, compound it. And it tastes good and makes things fun.
But it weakens your immunity, both physically and spiritually.
And This is what we have been told all along.
The reason it has been longer coming for me to come to this conclusion is because I have always been hyper aware of the impact it can have on one spiritually. Therefore I am REALLY good at being on my guard when alcohol is involved. I think clearer with alcohol.... it quiets all of the other tangents my mind wants to explore, and i focus on one line of thinking better. And I can always remind myself to be in control and make rational and safe choices. It wasn't ALWAYS like that, but it is now.
I feel more grounded and able to be assertive to the right degree.
The art of drinking is similar to swallowing swords, working with dangerous animals, etc. It can be extremely dangerous without the proper precautions, know how, experience, etc.
Being 100% honest, I would be better in many ways if I had 1 or 2 good drinks a day. BUT it KILLS my immune system.
So, we will be good around here.
Because after all, My Father told me it wasn't good for me, and He was right :-)
Monday, February 7, 2011
A quote too AWESOME to not pass on
"Cake + Milk is a healthy alternative to cold cereal. Plus it makes you happier than cold cereal."
My Aunt Robyn
My Aunt Robyn
"Ann Landers"
Dear "Ann":
I'm trying really hard to get someone I THOUGHT was a dear Friend saying that I only "Got Pregnant with Jacob, (my Son) to keep (an ex boyfriend) around," out of my head. For those who need clarification, This EX wasn't even part of my LIFE when I got pregnant with Jacob. And how ANY one could mistake him for NOT being David's,(my husband)is INSANE! But that is certainly what is implied because I was not in a relationship with David when this other person was around.
Melissa says: Sounds like some people need to grow up!!! Keep your chin up. People like that aren't worth our time!!
Kerianne says: you know the truth and screw whoever said that!!! They are obviously not a friend if they are saying that!
Stacy says: that's bs he is so a mini david and from the pictures i have seen he has always looked like david i have always found that when someone is gossiping about others its because their life suxs sorry about the languge
Wendie says: Sounds like this person needs to mind their business.
Cathy Rose says: I hope this "dear Friend" is able to read this because NO ONE knows better than I how much Jacob and David look alike. So unless my son has a double someplace then there is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that my son and your son are Father and Son. Tell Miss Friend to find something else to gossip about. We know who Jacob is!
Karie says: maybe the friend is confused. Maybe the friend thinks that David is the father but maybe Jacob isn't your baby...hm. maybe... lol. Well, I've seen Jacob so the other argument doesn't work either so.. let's think what other stupidity could it be?
Donette says: Is the ex-boyfriend Kieffer Sutherland?
*Oh, and "Ann," no matter WHO the father had been, I would have only gotten pregnant with my son because I WANTED HIM. Circumstances could make living with the result harder or easier, but in the end, HE was my reason. Not to force a change in circumstances.
I'm trying really hard to get someone I THOUGHT was a dear Friend saying that I only "Got Pregnant with Jacob, (my Son) to keep (an ex boyfriend) around," out of my head. For those who need clarification, This EX wasn't even part of my LIFE when I got pregnant with Jacob. And how ANY one could mistake him for NOT being David's,(my husband)is INSANE! But that is certainly what is implied because I was not in a relationship with David when this other person was around.
Melissa says: Sounds like some people need to grow up!!! Keep your chin up. People like that aren't worth our time!!
Kerianne says: you know the truth and screw whoever said that!!! They are obviously not a friend if they are saying that!
Stacy says: that's bs he is so a mini david and from the pictures i have seen he has always looked like david i have always found that when someone is gossiping about others its because their life suxs sorry about the languge
Wendie says: Sounds like this person needs to mind their business.
Cathy Rose says: I hope this "dear Friend" is able to read this because NO ONE knows better than I how much Jacob and David look alike. So unless my son has a double someplace then there is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that my son and your son are Father and Son. Tell Miss Friend to find something else to gossip about. We know who Jacob is!
Karie says: maybe the friend is confused. Maybe the friend thinks that David is the father but maybe Jacob isn't your baby...hm. maybe... lol. Well, I've seen Jacob so the other argument doesn't work either so.. let's think what other stupidity could it be?
Donette says: Is the ex-boyfriend Kieffer Sutherland?
*Oh, and "Ann," no matter WHO the father had been, I would have only gotten pregnant with my son because I WANTED HIM. Circumstances could make living with the result harder or easier, but in the end, HE was my reason. Not to force a change in circumstances.
My Old Friend ;-)
Today we part with an old friend. Our "Big Kid" bed is being delivered, and our Full size that we got the day after we got married just under 9 years ago isn't needed anymore. * Sigh*
4 Children have been conceived, carried for 9 months, nursed and cuddled in this bed. TMI, Sorry. BUT this bed has been through it all!
I AM looking forward to the option of fitting in it WITH David if I get pregnant again. When I am about 7 months pregnant, there is only enough room for me, by belly and my body pillow.
4 Children have been conceived, carried for 9 months, nursed and cuddled in this bed. TMI, Sorry. BUT this bed has been through it all!
I AM looking forward to the option of fitting in it WITH David if I get pregnant again. When I am about 7 months pregnant, there is only enough room for me, by belly and my body pillow.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Well Put!
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain
May I annoy the CRAP out of people with a Good Example!
Mark Twain
May I annoy the CRAP out of people with a Good Example!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sad
I just left a party where I avoided the people I was hurt by. And I am so ashamed. And sad. It wasn't because I was angry. It wasn't even because I was hurt. I felt sad and defeated.
And I just didn't want to make things any worse.
And I just didn't want to make things any worse.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Why I can do it
The people I have been dealing with have ONE HUGE thing in common and it goes hand in hand with the one sided relationship topic. These 2 characteristics are present in ALL of the situations I have encountered between the "Blog War" and the Play Group scenario I have been talking about.
And what both characteristics (being unable to forgive and not allowing people to do things for them) point to is one key fact: They know NOTHING about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
You see, I don't hold grudges, because He doesn't hold one against ME.
I don't call you names, or say "Look at her... hahaha" because He doesn't do it to ME.
I don't criticize your parenting or drag up all of your past mistakes, because He over looks and forgets MINE.
I don't want to be whipped over and over for something I said a year or 3 or even a month ago. So I don't do it.
If you have "demons" that you deal with that I know about, I will keep it to myself because I have my own and would want them to not be headline news.
I won't air a laundry list of your faults and "10 things I hate about you" because it's hurtful.
And that Man who forgives me, and overlooks MY laundry list of faults wouldn't like it. It would make HIS overlooking MY faults null and void. Why should He forgive MY Humanity if I then won't forgive yours.
If you were to EVER offer me an apology, I would accept it without a second thought. If you were to ever ask for my forgiveness, I would give it to you immediately!!!!! Who am I to deny you that?
I am not perfect. If I was, I wouldn't ever rant about injustices others carry out at my expense. But being human, that is one thing I do to work through it.
But you will NEVER hear or see me saying "I don't like her because of a),b),c),d)....." In fact you will never hear me say "I don't like her." At ALL. You are a Child of God, and Jesus Christ has deemed you just as worthy of compassion and love as the next person. So who am I to call you unworthy.
That doesn't mean I won't say "This really gets under my skin right now" or "That really hurt and makes my life harder."
But then I'm over it.
If you see me on the street the next day, I won't avoid you. I won't be unkind. I won't even think of what you did that hurt me so bad.
Because HE wouldn't do that to ME.
I may have a Hundred thousand faults that make me less than perfect.
But I trust that as long as I work every day to eliminate them to the very best of my ability, HE will look past them, and welcome me when the time comes to see Him again.
Who am I to hold YOUR Hundred thousand faults against YOU!
And Who are YOU to hold mine against me?
You are NOT HIM. And HE is GOD. If God can forgive when HE has more reason and power to NOT forgive, your inability to do so implies that you are superior to HIM.
As for ME, I am soooo grateful for His mercy and forgiveness. His unconditional love despite my failures and my screw ups that I will NEVER insult His graciousness by not extending mercy and forgiveness.
I will never deny others what He so lovingly gives me.
And I promise here and now that anyone who DOES deny others that mercy and forgiveness knows NOTHING of Him.
And what both characteristics (being unable to forgive and not allowing people to do things for them) point to is one key fact: They know NOTHING about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
You see, I don't hold grudges, because He doesn't hold one against ME.
I don't call you names, or say "Look at her... hahaha" because He doesn't do it to ME.
I don't criticize your parenting or drag up all of your past mistakes, because He over looks and forgets MINE.
I don't want to be whipped over and over for something I said a year or 3 or even a month ago. So I don't do it.
If you have "demons" that you deal with that I know about, I will keep it to myself because I have my own and would want them to not be headline news.
I won't air a laundry list of your faults and "10 things I hate about you" because it's hurtful.
And that Man who forgives me, and overlooks MY laundry list of faults wouldn't like it. It would make HIS overlooking MY faults null and void. Why should He forgive MY Humanity if I then won't forgive yours.
If you were to EVER offer me an apology, I would accept it without a second thought. If you were to ever ask for my forgiveness, I would give it to you immediately!!!!! Who am I to deny you that?
I am not perfect. If I was, I wouldn't ever rant about injustices others carry out at my expense. But being human, that is one thing I do to work through it.
But you will NEVER hear or see me saying "I don't like her because of a),b),c),d)....." In fact you will never hear me say "I don't like her." At ALL. You are a Child of God, and Jesus Christ has deemed you just as worthy of compassion and love as the next person. So who am I to call you unworthy.
That doesn't mean I won't say "This really gets under my skin right now" or "That really hurt and makes my life harder."
But then I'm over it.
If you see me on the street the next day, I won't avoid you. I won't be unkind. I won't even think of what you did that hurt me so bad.
Because HE wouldn't do that to ME.
I may have a Hundred thousand faults that make me less than perfect.
But I trust that as long as I work every day to eliminate them to the very best of my ability, HE will look past them, and welcome me when the time comes to see Him again.
Who am I to hold YOUR Hundred thousand faults against YOU!
And Who are YOU to hold mine against me?
You are NOT HIM. And HE is GOD. If God can forgive when HE has more reason and power to NOT forgive, your inability to do so implies that you are superior to HIM.
As for ME, I am soooo grateful for His mercy and forgiveness. His unconditional love despite my failures and my screw ups that I will NEVER insult His graciousness by not extending mercy and forgiveness.
I will never deny others what He so lovingly gives me.
And I promise here and now that anyone who DOES deny others that mercy and forgiveness knows NOTHING of Him.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
WOW!
It's interesting how by sitting at home and NOT talking to anyone, the facts of my life CHANGE overnight.
All of a sudden the reasons for my Marriage, Divorce, and even my son's existence are NOTHING like they were a day ago.
So to clarify in DAVID's OWN words:
We got a divorce in July of 2008 "because we were in an abusive relationship that was no longer conducive for our family's well being and to stay in the relationship the way it was, someone was going to end up dead or in prison. And not for any other reason"
In September 2008, David had a Demon (not a figurative one, but the kind that Bible stories are based on) exorcised from him.
David and I were remarried in October of 2008. 9 months and 2 days later, Jacob was born a week early.
Any questions? Because THESE are the FACTS.
All of a sudden the reasons for my Marriage, Divorce, and even my son's existence are NOTHING like they were a day ago.
So to clarify in DAVID's OWN words:
We got a divorce in July of 2008 "because we were in an abusive relationship that was no longer conducive for our family's well being and to stay in the relationship the way it was, someone was going to end up dead or in prison. And not for any other reason"
In September 2008, David had a Demon (not a figurative one, but the kind that Bible stories are based on) exorcised from him.
David and I were remarried in October of 2008. 9 months and 2 days later, Jacob was born a week early.
Any questions? Because THESE are the FACTS.
Ginger
It's funny that I haven't said a word about you or to you in over a month. And it's never been unkind. I SAW the conversations about me. Where YOU insulted ME. I've never said anything negative to or about you. If you disagree, show me the proof.
I look in the mirror every day and ask "What do I need to change." And you may think I need to change a whole lot, but interestingly enough, I haven't been around you since before Christmas. And I PROMISE you that I haven't spoken to any of your friends, except Ashley and Shannon since then. And I can show you hard proof of what I did or didn't say about you.
So, while you rant and rave and call me names, I haven't done ANYTHING.
Oh, and call me whatever you want.... LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE!
I look in the mirror every day and ask "What do I need to change." And you may think I need to change a whole lot, but interestingly enough, I haven't been around you since before Christmas. And I PROMISE you that I haven't spoken to any of your friends, except Ashley and Shannon since then. And I can show you hard proof of what I did or didn't say about you.
So, while you rant and rave and call me names, I haven't done ANYTHING.
Oh, and call me whatever you want.... LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE!
Once again, I need to clarify
Here is one of my biggest faults. I react to things Quickly and often rashly. One of my Greatest assets is how quickly I realize my mistake in judgement and try to rectify it.
I don't like to hurt people. I instantly feel bad when I do. I try to make sure I have done everything in my power to fix it on MY end.
I struggle to find and keep balance.... I'm sure EVERYONE has had that problem in one way or another.
The scales are ALWAYS tipping back and forth in an attempt to keep them level. But I try to NEVER allow them to tip too far in one direction before catching it and making it right.
If you are one of the people who has accused me of talking about you negatively behind your back, and heard my attempts to deny it, and then read my blog and thought I was talking about you. Here is your answer for the "contradiction."
I will NEVER say ANYTHING about you that I wouldn't say to your face. This is why my blog is not private. If I'm going to say it, I will stand behind it. But just MAYBE, if there is no name mentioned in my Blog, I am NOT talking about you or any ONE person. But a general situation that I have encountered. I am referring to an ESSENCE. A residue that comes from many encounters. If you are able to insert YOUR name into the scenario I am referring to, you must have some reason to feel "guilty" and "KNOW" that it is you who I am referring to. But I am not your accuser. YOU are. Or the person who reads it and assumes that YOU are who I mean. THEY are your accuser. Not me.
A couple of posts ago, I did in fact specifically mention names. It is because for the first time I AM specifically referring to those SPECIFIC people vs an essence or residue from many different factors and situations.
So, you argue, I DO talk about people behind their backs. I am a Hypocrite, and a liar.
NOPE! Loosen the noose before you go any further. It is RIGHT there in FRONT of them. They are WELCOME to read what it is I have to say, and then confront me if they wish. I WILL stand behind it. I will admit it. I will not hide behind anonymity. You have my name attached to the post. The difference is that I don't say it, and then make it private. I say it publicly. I just don't get right in your face and SCREAM it.
A FAR cry from talking behind your back!
I don't like to hurt people. I instantly feel bad when I do. I try to make sure I have done everything in my power to fix it on MY end.
I struggle to find and keep balance.... I'm sure EVERYONE has had that problem in one way or another.
The scales are ALWAYS tipping back and forth in an attempt to keep them level. But I try to NEVER allow them to tip too far in one direction before catching it and making it right.
If you are one of the people who has accused me of talking about you negatively behind your back, and heard my attempts to deny it, and then read my blog and thought I was talking about you. Here is your answer for the "contradiction."
I will NEVER say ANYTHING about you that I wouldn't say to your face. This is why my blog is not private. If I'm going to say it, I will stand behind it. But just MAYBE, if there is no name mentioned in my Blog, I am NOT talking about you or any ONE person. But a general situation that I have encountered. I am referring to an ESSENCE. A residue that comes from many encounters. If you are able to insert YOUR name into the scenario I am referring to, you must have some reason to feel "guilty" and "KNOW" that it is you who I am referring to. But I am not your accuser. YOU are. Or the person who reads it and assumes that YOU are who I mean. THEY are your accuser. Not me.
A couple of posts ago, I did in fact specifically mention names. It is because for the first time I AM specifically referring to those SPECIFIC people vs an essence or residue from many different factors and situations.
So, you argue, I DO talk about people behind their backs. I am a Hypocrite, and a liar.
NOPE! Loosen the noose before you go any further. It is RIGHT there in FRONT of them. They are WELCOME to read what it is I have to say, and then confront me if they wish. I WILL stand behind it. I will admit it. I will not hide behind anonymity. You have my name attached to the post. The difference is that I don't say it, and then make it private. I say it publicly. I just don't get right in your face and SCREAM it.
A FAR cry from talking behind your back!
A week for noticing
This has been a week full of realizations.
Thus the influx in posts.
This is the main point for this post:
To Quote Luna Lovegood:
"Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat."
There are people who make a LOT of noise about others being crazy. They bring it up when all is still. When no one is even thinking about the person they are ranting about. They want to keep that person and their craziness foremost in every body elses' minds. Because they FEAR the silence. They worry that it gives people a chance to think for themselves and they just might piece together for themselves that they have been diverted from the real crazy person.
If you are constantly going off on how someone is always creating drama, you are probably the one to stay away from for those who don't want drama in their lives.
I've watched a lot of Lifetime shows lately in my efforts to relax and remove myself from people who make my life harder.
And a common theme is people who try to warn others about a real danger, and they get turned on because the REAL predator is LOUDLY letting anyone who will listen know that the other person is crazy.
I'm starting to ramble, but I'm sure you get the point....
Thus the influx in posts.
This is the main point for this post:
To Quote Luna Lovegood:
"Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat."
There are people who make a LOT of noise about others being crazy. They bring it up when all is still. When no one is even thinking about the person they are ranting about. They want to keep that person and their craziness foremost in every body elses' minds. Because they FEAR the silence. They worry that it gives people a chance to think for themselves and they just might piece together for themselves that they have been diverted from the real crazy person.
If you are constantly going off on how someone is always creating drama, you are probably the one to stay away from for those who don't want drama in their lives.
I've watched a lot of Lifetime shows lately in my efforts to relax and remove myself from people who make my life harder.
And a common theme is people who try to warn others about a real danger, and they get turned on because the REAL predator is LOUDLY letting anyone who will listen know that the other person is crazy.
I'm starting to ramble, but I'm sure you get the point....
The TRUTH in relationships
The truth of it is this. ANY one sided relationship will not last. I've thought about this a lot this week. And it's not just relationships where one person seems to do all the giving. But the flip side where one person will give but REFUSES to allow the other to give back.
It's not because the person who is giving and refusing to take gets worn out from always giving that the relationship doesn't make it. It's because there is a REASON the person will not accept returned effort. I have noticed in all of the friendships I have had go down the drain this past week... and unfortunately, they have been plentiful, there was a common denominator. These were friendships where my efforts, help, resources were not acceptable as contribution.
Letting someone "Serve" you builds THEM up. It creates a bond. It gives the relationship value.
I'm seeing a pattern that I didn't catch onto in it's entirety until now.
There are fundamental reasons to NOT allow someone to do things for you. ESPECIALLY in a situation where YOU are doing things for THEM. It is because YOU A) Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with them, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value them. D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."
And now that I get this, I know a warning sign early on. Rather than spending several years on a one sided friendship like the one with Ginger. A friendship where I appreciated her so much! I didn't know what I would do without her. But she did not reciprocate that gratitude because there wasn't a whole lot I ever did for her. Not because I didn't TRY. I would have bent over BACKWARDS for her. She didn't have any reason to miss or value our friendship, she was out nothing.
I asked Stephanie about this. "You almost seem to CRINGE when I offer to do things for you." Her response was "As far as me not accepting your help on things im not much for accepting help." And I call BS! That's not likely to be the case. And I'll tell you FLAT out that I have learned since then that most likely her aversion to help is for EXACTLY the reasons I listed. She doesn't want to feel indebted to people. Because then, she can't cut ties at will without feeling guilty.
So I'm going to lay it out there.
Your willingness to help me when I ask, but not take help back, is just like the others. It says all of the things that I listed above. A) You Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with me, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value me. and D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."
I will NOT get into one sided friendships or relationships anymore. The first time I see the sign that you would bend over backwards for me, but not let me return the favor, I'm OUT!
It's not because the person who is giving and refusing to take gets worn out from always giving that the relationship doesn't make it. It's because there is a REASON the person will not accept returned effort. I have noticed in all of the friendships I have had go down the drain this past week... and unfortunately, they have been plentiful, there was a common denominator. These were friendships where my efforts, help, resources were not acceptable as contribution.
Letting someone "Serve" you builds THEM up. It creates a bond. It gives the relationship value.
I'm seeing a pattern that I didn't catch onto in it's entirety until now.
There are fundamental reasons to NOT allow someone to do things for you. ESPECIALLY in a situation where YOU are doing things for THEM. It is because YOU A) Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with them, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value them. D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."
And now that I get this, I know a warning sign early on. Rather than spending several years on a one sided friendship like the one with Ginger. A friendship where I appreciated her so much! I didn't know what I would do without her. But she did not reciprocate that gratitude because there wasn't a whole lot I ever did for her. Not because I didn't TRY. I would have bent over BACKWARDS for her. She didn't have any reason to miss or value our friendship, she was out nothing.
I asked Stephanie about this. "You almost seem to CRINGE when I offer to do things for you." Her response was "As far as me not accepting your help on things im not much for accepting help." And I call BS! That's not likely to be the case. And I'll tell you FLAT out that I have learned since then that most likely her aversion to help is for EXACTLY the reasons I listed. She doesn't want to feel indebted to people. Because then, she can't cut ties at will without feeling guilty.
So I'm going to lay it out there.
Your willingness to help me when I ask, but not take help back, is just like the others. It says all of the things that I listed above. A) You Do not WANT to have any reason to feel a bond with me, B) because you want to "look" like a good person, but really you're not quite as genuine and nice as you want people to think you are. C) You flat out do NOT Value me. and D) The LAST thing you want, when you are going to be mean and hurtful is to have any type of voice in the back of your mind that says "How could you treat them like that when they did x,y, and Z for you."
I will NOT get into one sided friendships or relationships anymore. The first time I see the sign that you would bend over backwards for me, but not let me return the favor, I'm OUT!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Parents
The past 4 days or so have been incredibly challenging.
It has been so reassuring to know how I feel about my children. And that I am God's child. And that He is a better parent than I am. That if you take all of the qualities of the best parents and multiply them to perfection, those are the qualities He possesses.
Which means that He cares about how hurt I am right now than I would if it was one of my children. That parent who says "You had better not hurt one of my children" is a mortal glimpse of how God would feel about it.
I GET that that means that offenses committed by me upon my fellow "Siblings" are just as harshly frowned upon.
And I pledge to do better at treating them right DAILY.
It is just so wonderful to know that I have a Parent who loves me more that I love my OWN children.
It has been so reassuring to know how I feel about my children. And that I am God's child. And that He is a better parent than I am. That if you take all of the qualities of the best parents and multiply them to perfection, those are the qualities He possesses.
Which means that He cares about how hurt I am right now than I would if it was one of my children. That parent who says "You had better not hurt one of my children" is a mortal glimpse of how God would feel about it.
I GET that that means that offenses committed by me upon my fellow "Siblings" are just as harshly frowned upon.
And I pledge to do better at treating them right DAILY.
It is just so wonderful to know that I have a Parent who loves me more that I love my OWN children.
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