Jacob is 6 months now. The 1st of Feb, even though he was 6 mos on the 27th of Jan, was big in my mind. Not only for him, but I think for our Family as well.
Our Family is strong. It is stronger, and has come far in the past 6 months in lots of ways. However, the 1st of Feb, I believe was also a turning point for us. It was kind of that point where the situation we've been in for the past 5 mos, had to give. And thank HEAVEN, it did.
So, I'd like to first document Jacob's achievements as Jan came to a close: He has "mastered" first foods. He LOVES bananas, and doesn't care at ALL for rice cereal. He is very mobile although he doesn't crawl yet. He Does get around though, and we have reached the point where diaper changes are a military op with how fast he tries to get away. He can no longer sleep with me, since he moves way too much, and I am way too asleep to protect him from the side of the bed. However, he has fallen into a very nice routine at night where he falls asleep around 10:30 PM, and sleeps straight through until 7:30 AM. He is a TOTAL Busy Body. He has to see what's going on at all times. He is fast, and sneaky, and loves to divert anything we have in our hands to his.
On the 23rd, we went to a birthday party. I was holding him upright and talking to a friend, and he started falling to the side, and then righting himself. After a couple of times of him doing this, I realized he was tired and falling asleep. I tipped him to the side and settled him in my arms.... and he was OUT. Someone even popped a balloon near us, and he didn't even flinch. It was crazy because it was bright, and LOUD, and he was asleep right in the middle of it.
He said "Mama" just a couple of days ago, and is now bathing in the tub without his infant bather. He also says "Boo!"
He has such a sweet personality. He knows how to get your attention when he needs something, but as soon as that need is met, he is back to the happy baby he is by nature. He is soooo different from his sisters! Except for his love of babbling and the shear volumes he can reach when he wants to. He also amazes us at the pitch he is able to reach when he squeals!
He is using a sippy cup. And today I caught him low crawling/scootching to get to a box tonight.
Now on to our Family's growth and progress over the past 6 months.
We have pulled through an incredibly tough Winter. I know Winter is still the "current" season but for us, it's on it's way to Spring.
We have been INCREDIBLY blessed. We still have our home. Plenty of food to eat. Our washer/and dryer, bunkbeds, and tv.... all of which we have payments on. Our water, gas, and electricity have held out without having to be shut off. We had a bountiful Holiday season. And just as we were about to run out of pretty close to EVERYTHING, we got our tax return which has allowed us to pay all of our bills 2 months in advance, as well as splurge a little on some luxuries that have been on our wish list for a while.
David and I have pulled together at a level that completely surpasses past experience. We have been able to manage the stress very well, I believe, and have made great stides towards rooting out and eliminating much of the negativity that has hung over our Family.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The wheels are turning
Well, I can only have faith and hope at this point that things are winding down. I am hopeful for new plans and a whole new situation for our Family.
We have our eye on a 7 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house in Tooele. How practical it is for me to hope that we are able to buy it, I don't know. The Company that David would be going with to Libya wants a 5 to 7 year commitment... which we can handle.
I would really like to take some time to care for the 4 Babies I HAVE, and get us moved into a house we can stay in for a while, and then I want to get my body nice an healthy and toxin free, and have 2 more.
Here's Praying!
We have our eye on a 7 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house in Tooele. How practical it is for me to hope that we are able to buy it, I don't know. The Company that David would be going with to Libya wants a 5 to 7 year commitment... which we can handle.
I would really like to take some time to care for the 4 Babies I HAVE, and get us moved into a house we can stay in for a while, and then I want to get my body nice an healthy and toxin free, and have 2 more.
Here's Praying!
Monday, January 18, 2010
wishing, hoping, dreaming, and WAITING!
"... A most useless place. The Waiting Place.....
For people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come or a plane to go. Or the mail to come, or the rain to go. Or the phone to ring or the snow to snow. Or waiting around for a Yes or No. Or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting...."
UGH!!!!!!!!!!
All I can say at this point is " I Hope, I Hope, I Hope!"
I'm trying sooo very hard to be patient. To live life as fully as possible with our CURRENT situation, and not put things on hold for what MIGHT be. But it's not easy!
We have so many dreams and hopes right now. And it's like I told David today.... "It's not about the Material "STUFF." It's about the Sanity!"
A House that's big enough to accomodate us would give us the freedom to mold our Family in so many ways that being in this apartment does not. A car that is big enough and can handle the weather of the Wasatch Front. A computer that runs well. More food storage....."
For people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come or a plane to go. Or the mail to come, or the rain to go. Or the phone to ring or the snow to snow. Or waiting around for a Yes or No. Or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting...."
UGH!!!!!!!!!!
All I can say at this point is " I Hope, I Hope, I Hope!"
I'm trying sooo very hard to be patient. To live life as fully as possible with our CURRENT situation, and not put things on hold for what MIGHT be. But it's not easy!
We have so many dreams and hopes right now. And it's like I told David today.... "It's not about the Material "STUFF." It's about the Sanity!"
A House that's big enough to accomodate us would give us the freedom to mold our Family in so many ways that being in this apartment does not. A car that is big enough and can handle the weather of the Wasatch Front. A computer that runs well. More food storage....."
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Bipolar again
It's back to feeling Bipolar. I went through this during the time when David and I were separating and getting divorced. And NO, I am not bipolar. It's just this way when things are unstable. When I have a situation where very little if anything is certain. And trying to figure out which things I can rely on and which ones I can't.
So much has changed since Jacob was born, and it causes a certain amount of emotional whiplash.
Even just since the Holidays. I have had to do some serious reevaluating.
So, here's what I currently know:
Apparently, William (Anna's) brother took a list of names and resumes to Libya last week and had them approved by the government for these people to come on board with the company and work there. David's name is said to be one of them, and was approved. William is supposed to be in town next week, and should be interviewing and signing people on by Friday the 22nd. For those who sign contracts, there is supposed to be a large amount of cash handed to them.
Meanwhile, we got a 48 hour disconnect notice for the Gas. That was 40 hours ago. For those of you who have never encountered this situation, there is a company that helps out with this sort of thing. They are called LIEAP. They help out with your main source of heating from October through February. We turned our application in to them in October or November so that this WOULDN'T happen. We now find out that they need all of these different things faxed into them in order to make their decision. We found out about the last item tonight.... it will be faxed in first thing this morning when my Mom gets to work. And then they still have to make their decision and IF we are approved, THEN they will pay the bill so that our gas doesn't get shut off. Um, HELLO!!!!!!!!! If ANYONE drops the ball in the next 8 hours, well.....
MEANWHILE, David has gotten several calls related to an application he submitted to Redbox. It looks like he has a part time job coming his way. BUT it will be at least 2 more weeks before he sees his first paycheck.
AND tonight, David is supposed to go work for Anna taking down her Calendar store in the mall. She supposedly needs him on Tuesday too. He is supposed to get paid for both days. However, this to is a paycheck we won't see for a min. of a week.
Do you see the irony? I am really getting tired of money we are "Supposed" to be getting but "Who knows when."
And then of course, we should have David's W2 any day..... And the Unemployment Appeals hearing is this month. Soooo when you add it all up, by the end of the month, we SHOULD have somewhere around $520,000 (DREAMING!) . BUT even IF that were to happen...... That's 2 weeks too late!
So much has changed since Jacob was born, and it causes a certain amount of emotional whiplash.
Even just since the Holidays. I have had to do some serious reevaluating.
So, here's what I currently know:
Apparently, William (Anna's) brother took a list of names and resumes to Libya last week and had them approved by the government for these people to come on board with the company and work there. David's name is said to be one of them, and was approved. William is supposed to be in town next week, and should be interviewing and signing people on by Friday the 22nd. For those who sign contracts, there is supposed to be a large amount of cash handed to them.
Meanwhile, we got a 48 hour disconnect notice for the Gas. That was 40 hours ago. For those of you who have never encountered this situation, there is a company that helps out with this sort of thing. They are called LIEAP. They help out with your main source of heating from October through February. We turned our application in to them in October or November so that this WOULDN'T happen. We now find out that they need all of these different things faxed into them in order to make their decision. We found out about the last item tonight.... it will be faxed in first thing this morning when my Mom gets to work. And then they still have to make their decision and IF we are approved, THEN they will pay the bill so that our gas doesn't get shut off. Um, HELLO!!!!!!!!! If ANYONE drops the ball in the next 8 hours, well.....
MEANWHILE, David has gotten several calls related to an application he submitted to Redbox. It looks like he has a part time job coming his way. BUT it will be at least 2 more weeks before he sees his first paycheck.
AND tonight, David is supposed to go work for Anna taking down her Calendar store in the mall. She supposedly needs him on Tuesday too. He is supposed to get paid for both days. However, this to is a paycheck we won't see for a min. of a week.
Do you see the irony? I am really getting tired of money we are "Supposed" to be getting but "Who knows when."
And then of course, we should have David's W2 any day..... And the Unemployment Appeals hearing is this month. Soooo when you add it all up, by the end of the month, we SHOULD have somewhere around $520,000 (DREAMING!) . BUT even IF that were to happen...... That's 2 weeks too late!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
One of those days
It is one of those days where I am so full of positive energy that I don't want to sit still. It's frustrating because I am so grateful for so much and want to share how positive and happy I am with the world. And yet, I am confined to my home. It's too cold and yucky to really be out socializing, and only a few people are willing to listen to my "Polyanna" phone calls. Even My Children and Husband are only open to a certain amount of my Positivity. I feel on top of the world, and like I'm suffocating at the same time. Ugh!
So, I can at LEAST write down the things that are in my head.
I have so much to be grateful for. As I am tripping over boxes and toys, I am grateful to have things to trip over. It means that people care for our Family and the Children specifically. It means that I am not in a situation where I have to hope that just once, My Daughter can have a Baby Doll to play with, or a coloring book and crayons. We have blessings like this in abundance, and I am grateful for them. As I search for a place to put cases of food, I am grateful to have more food in the house than I could eat in a day, week, or even month. And that when my Family is hungry, we go to the fridge, cupboard, or basement, and find food to eat. And if it's not what we want to eat, most times, we pass it by and go get what we want from the store.
I am excited because there is a feeling in the air that tells me something good is on its way. There is an electricity in the air because we are safe, and warm, and all of our needs are being met.
Our home is noisy and full..... and I LOVE it. It is full of good things. Children, and toys, food, and laundry. Clothes that we can wash. My Children are well dressed, clean, and well fed (well, when they will eat what we make ;-) I am grateful for mounds of laundry to wash, and the washer and dryer we have to wash and dry them. We have dirty dishes to wash, dirty diapers in the garbage. And it all means that we are alive and provided for. It's electric. It's energizing. It's Life. And Life is wonderful and Beautiful.
All of the sounds mean that we are not idol. They mean that we have the ability to get up and move around. That our Family is expanding. That David and I are not Barren. That we have to take turns between the TV and computer because we are fortunate enough to have both. Our phones are buzzing because we have them to communicate with the outside world, and there are people who care enough to communicate with us.
Yeah, I guess that about sums it up ;-)
So, I can at LEAST write down the things that are in my head.
I have so much to be grateful for. As I am tripping over boxes and toys, I am grateful to have things to trip over. It means that people care for our Family and the Children specifically. It means that I am not in a situation where I have to hope that just once, My Daughter can have a Baby Doll to play with, or a coloring book and crayons. We have blessings like this in abundance, and I am grateful for them. As I search for a place to put cases of food, I am grateful to have more food in the house than I could eat in a day, week, or even month. And that when my Family is hungry, we go to the fridge, cupboard, or basement, and find food to eat. And if it's not what we want to eat, most times, we pass it by and go get what we want from the store.
I am excited because there is a feeling in the air that tells me something good is on its way. There is an electricity in the air because we are safe, and warm, and all of our needs are being met.
Our home is noisy and full..... and I LOVE it. It is full of good things. Children, and toys, food, and laundry. Clothes that we can wash. My Children are well dressed, clean, and well fed (well, when they will eat what we make ;-) I am grateful for mounds of laundry to wash, and the washer and dryer we have to wash and dry them. We have dirty dishes to wash, dirty diapers in the garbage. And it all means that we are alive and provided for. It's electric. It's energizing. It's Life. And Life is wonderful and Beautiful.
All of the sounds mean that we are not idol. They mean that we have the ability to get up and move around. That our Family is expanding. That David and I are not Barren. That we have to take turns between the TV and computer because we are fortunate enough to have both. Our phones are buzzing because we have them to communicate with the outside world, and there are people who care enough to communicate with us.
Yeah, I guess that about sums it up ;-)
I have my eye on it
There is a house on Bridger Drive here in Green River that I have been looking at as I drive by. It has been for sale for a while now. I finally stopped and got a brochure today. It's a 90's home, split level with a 2 car garage. David doesn't care much for it. I however think in many ways it's perfect. It has:
4 bedrooms.... 3 upstairs, 1 down
3 + bathrooms
a fireplace, hot tub on the deck, fenced in yard, sprinkler system,
4 levels totaling 2100 square ft with a finished basement
It's a house we could expand in. It has a swamp cooler, which isn't my preference, but here in GR, it's not so bad. David's biggest complaint is that it is on a "busy" road. I agree with him, but I could get past that. Especially since it has a completely fenced in backyard. I'm pretty sure it's in our old ward (7th) and I don't really want to switch wards. HOWEVER, if we move, chances are high we won't get to stay in the 6th ward.
Of course, it's daydreaming at this point. But hey!
The realization has been slowly creeping up on us that we HAVE to have more space. With Jacob, this townhouse just isn't going to be big enough. I'm far from complaining though. We have quite a bit more space than a lot of people who are renting. AND considering we are without a job right now. Still.... it's about time for expansion. And I am grateful to know that The Lord is on my side on this. I've actually been nudged in the direction of praying for a bigger home for a while now.
So, I guess we'll see what happens in the next month or so. Who knows. Maybe we will celebrate Elizabeth's Birthday in our new home! :-)
4 bedrooms.... 3 upstairs, 1 down
3 + bathrooms
a fireplace, hot tub on the deck, fenced in yard, sprinkler system,
4 levels totaling 2100 square ft with a finished basement
It's a house we could expand in. It has a swamp cooler, which isn't my preference, but here in GR, it's not so bad. David's biggest complaint is that it is on a "busy" road. I agree with him, but I could get past that. Especially since it has a completely fenced in backyard. I'm pretty sure it's in our old ward (7th) and I don't really want to switch wards. HOWEVER, if we move, chances are high we won't get to stay in the 6th ward.
Of course, it's daydreaming at this point. But hey!
The realization has been slowly creeping up on us that we HAVE to have more space. With Jacob, this townhouse just isn't going to be big enough. I'm far from complaining though. We have quite a bit more space than a lot of people who are renting. AND considering we are without a job right now. Still.... it's about time for expansion. And I am grateful to know that The Lord is on my side on this. I've actually been nudged in the direction of praying for a bigger home for a while now.
So, I guess we'll see what happens in the next month or so. Who knows. Maybe we will celebrate Elizabeth's Birthday in our new home! :-)
Christmas outfits
Abby always makes me laugh. We call her our "special" child! ;-)
I love the way the Kids looked in their Christmas dresses/ outfit! Except Jacob's, which I bought at Herberger's, lost 2 buttons by the end of the day.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Never mock someone's "Inspiration"
About 12 years ago (I can't even believe it's possible for it to have been that long), I had a "Revelation" of sorts come to me. It was odd, and out of the blue. But I'm pretty sure I recognized it for what it was.
I told my Boyfriend at the time about it. (Interestingly enough HIS name was David) We had dated in High School. He had gone on his mission and was home. We were considering marriage. And when I told him what I had been "Told" he scoffed at it.
Well, I didn't marry him. I went to a very trusted former Seminary Teacher of mine and asked him his opinion. My Boyfriend's reaction had done some damage to how much I trusted what I THOUGHT I had been "Told". Bro Webb, who was not only my former Seminary Teacher, but had also become one of my Institute Advisors as well... (I need to point out that he was my Seminary Teacher in Magna, and my Institute Advisor in Virginia. 2000 miles between the 2. And I had ended up on the Institute Council for the AREA, not just the state.) told me this: "There is no purer form of inspiration than the feelings/thoughts/instincts of a Righteous Woman."
Well, 12 years later.... 12 years, 4 Children, one divorce, 2 marriages, and some difficult times later, and it looks as though the thoughts I shared with my High School Boyfriend were probably exactly what I believed them to be so many years ago.
You see, I was told 3 names. Elizabeth, Tyler, and David. These were names I was "Told" as Children's names. There has been speculation on my part over the years as to how many of them were Children's names. I am married to a David, and Jacob was supposed to be DAVID Tyler. So that made me think that Tyler was the differentiating between Father and Son. And I was only being told 2 names of Children not 3.
As 3 Girls came and then the divorce, I sort of let the whole thing go since the only name that had made any sort of appearance was Elizabeth. And it seemed we were probably done.
But time marches on, and I was not very wise to try and put a . where the Lord had but a , Who am I to tell God that he was "wrong" and I have completed a job he asked me to do.... when in fact I am in the middle of my task. So..... let's just say that it looks very plausible that in our Family, before we are through, there will indeed be 3 children that wear those names as their own.
Something I found to be sort of amusing was that the David who mocked my thoughts all those years ago, posted as his "deep thought" on Facebook yesterday: "Be careful never to step on someone's dignity even if that dignity appears to be vanity." Interesting I thought!
I told my Boyfriend at the time about it. (Interestingly enough HIS name was David) We had dated in High School. He had gone on his mission and was home. We were considering marriage. And when I told him what I had been "Told" he scoffed at it.
Well, I didn't marry him. I went to a very trusted former Seminary Teacher of mine and asked him his opinion. My Boyfriend's reaction had done some damage to how much I trusted what I THOUGHT I had been "Told". Bro Webb, who was not only my former Seminary Teacher, but had also become one of my Institute Advisors as well... (I need to point out that he was my Seminary Teacher in Magna, and my Institute Advisor in Virginia. 2000 miles between the 2. And I had ended up on the Institute Council for the AREA, not just the state.) told me this: "There is no purer form of inspiration than the feelings/thoughts/instincts of a Righteous Woman."
Well, 12 years later.... 12 years, 4 Children, one divorce, 2 marriages, and some difficult times later, and it looks as though the thoughts I shared with my High School Boyfriend were probably exactly what I believed them to be so many years ago.
You see, I was told 3 names. Elizabeth, Tyler, and David. These were names I was "Told" as Children's names. There has been speculation on my part over the years as to how many of them were Children's names. I am married to a David, and Jacob was supposed to be DAVID Tyler. So that made me think that Tyler was the differentiating between Father and Son. And I was only being told 2 names of Children not 3.
As 3 Girls came and then the divorce, I sort of let the whole thing go since the only name that had made any sort of appearance was Elizabeth. And it seemed we were probably done.
But time marches on, and I was not very wise to try and put a . where the Lord had but a , Who am I to tell God that he was "wrong" and I have completed a job he asked me to do.... when in fact I am in the middle of my task. So..... let's just say that it looks very plausible that in our Family, before we are through, there will indeed be 3 children that wear those names as their own.
Something I found to be sort of amusing was that the David who mocked my thoughts all those years ago, posted as his "deep thought" on Facebook yesterday: "Be careful never to step on someone's dignity even if that dignity appears to be vanity." Interesting I thought!
Friday, January 8, 2010
3 Christmas'
What a Holiday season! Who would've thought the year we had the least money for Christmas would turn out to yield the biggest harvest? Duh! I guess I should have known. I mean we have always been so looked out for by Heavenly Father. But still. I mean, we were fine on gifts for the Children. We had things we had bought in previous years that we didn't even have to tap into. We were able to find really good deals and get each Girl a pair of pj's, a blanket, 2 ornaments, a barbie, and a ken. For Jacob, we were able to get a pair of pj's, a blanket, and an ornament. David and I were even able to get eachother gifts. He got a book he's been wanting. And I got some yummy smelly stuff from Bath and Bodyworks AND a Willow Tree Figure.
Santa however was REALLY good to the children this year!
David's Family did a Service project for us and one other Family in the BIG extended family. The children each got a pair of pj's, an outfit, some socks/tights, church shoes, a toy, a blanket and some sheets.
Santa visited our home the night before we left and put presents (the ones mentioned in the first paragraph) under the tree for them to open when we got home.
And when we had been home for a few days, the Bishop called David in to meet with him and gave us a HUGE bag of gifts from Santa. Each child got a "church" outfit. Then each Girl got a pair of pj's, and a Princess and the Frog "makeup" set. Abby and Elizabeth each got Princess and the Frog purses. Elysia got some REALLY nice coordinated dress up stuff. Abby got a Baby doll, and Elizabeth got a Princess Tiana Barbie. Jacob and Elysia each got a new winter coat.
When I was talking to my mom and telling her about it, she said "Good. They deserve it. They are really good kids." I have to agree with her.
I don't bring all of this up for any reason except because we are so blessed and I want to share how wonderful The Lord has been to us. I want to share how very grateful I am to have people in our lives who are open to the Spirit and willing to share. If any who read this happen to be involved or know those who were involved, I want you to know how grateful we are and how much we appreciate it! Our children ARE very wonderful and deserved the wonderful Christmas they got 3 fold. Thank you to any and all who made it so perfect for such SWEET Children!
Santa however was REALLY good to the children this year!
David's Family did a Service project for us and one other Family in the BIG extended family. The children each got a pair of pj's, an outfit, some socks/tights, church shoes, a toy, a blanket and some sheets.
Santa visited our home the night before we left and put presents (the ones mentioned in the first paragraph) under the tree for them to open when we got home.
And when we had been home for a few days, the Bishop called David in to meet with him and gave us a HUGE bag of gifts from Santa. Each child got a "church" outfit. Then each Girl got a pair of pj's, and a Princess and the Frog "makeup" set. Abby and Elizabeth each got Princess and the Frog purses. Elysia got some REALLY nice coordinated dress up stuff. Abby got a Baby doll, and Elizabeth got a Princess Tiana Barbie. Jacob and Elysia each got a new winter coat.
When I was talking to my mom and telling her about it, she said "Good. They deserve it. They are really good kids." I have to agree with her.
I don't bring all of this up for any reason except because we are so blessed and I want to share how wonderful The Lord has been to us. I want to share how very grateful I am to have people in our lives who are open to the Spirit and willing to share. If any who read this happen to be involved or know those who were involved, I want you to know how grateful we are and how much we appreciate it! Our children ARE very wonderful and deserved the wonderful Christmas they got 3 fold. Thank you to any and all who made it so perfect for such SWEET Children!
My Friend.... who's not
I try to be pretty understanding when it comes to my Friends. Especially with someone who has been my friend for many years. The Friendship is usually more important than the little "sleights."
Once in a while, however, a friendship will slip away over time. Once in a really great while, a friendship will suffer collateral damage at a level that there's just not much that can be done. 2 of my REALLY close Friends from High School and I hit a point after we left school where this seemed to be the case. However, after several years, the friendships were restored. One of them was restored because the person became my Sister in law, and the other divorced the jerk that had caused the damage to our friendship in the first place.
Last week, one of my closest Friends of MANY years and I reached a point where we are actually not speaking for the time being.
She is a single Friend. She has a relatively loose approach to relationships, and not to be crass, but her need for sex often overrides her desire to do what's right. She was brought up in the Church (Mormon), and knows what she is "Supposed" to be doing and not doing.
She was my Roommate when David and I first got married. She was my Maid of Honor. She has coma and visited me numerous times when I have lived outside of Utah. She has attended many of our special events, and I count her as a very loyal Friend.
She is Bipolar. Which I understand.... And cut her some slack on. One of her "quirks" is her need for instant gratification. She doesn't use a lot of self control. Now - I understand that self control is something EVERYONE is at varying stages with. I also understand that being bipolar makes impulse control more difficult. However, this is where we run into some trouble.
A little while ago, she began making comments about how if polygamy was ever brought back into practice, she would either have to marry David or the Husband of one of our other good Friends. I laughed this off as "funny." However, as time has passed she has begun to say it more and even act as if she expects this to one day be the case. She frequently goes to movies with the other Husband and his Friends while his wife is at home. And she has been known to message both David and the other Husband regularly. Now with Cody (the other Husband) he sort of initiates it.... and his Wife seems perfectly fine with it. David on the other hand prefers to not have any interaction with her unless I am involved. IE: All 3 of us go out to dinner, I invite her over, or to go out with our whole Family, etc. He never engages in conversation with her just the two of them. Smart, I think.
While we were in Salt Lake for the Holidays, 2 things happened. 1st, I went out with her for some "Girl Time." While we were out, we stopped to see Cody and his Wife who had just had a Baby. While we were talking with them, it came up that Cody could use some "Guy Time." I commented that it would be great if he and David did something together. LeAnna (the Friend I've been speaking of) began making comments along the lines of "The two of you (meaning David and Cody) could come over to my place and we could watch movies." It came up that Sherlock Holmes was playing and that both Husbands were interested in seeing it. LeAnna mentioned that she did not get off of work until 9:30. It was also mentioned that Mandi (Cody's Wife) could use some help, and socialization. So, I said that I would bring Jacob over, and hang out and help Mandi while Cody and David got out and went to a movie.
After we left Cody and Mandi's house, we drove back to My Mom's where she had parked her car since I had driven us. Then, I was going to go to David's Parents house to watch a movie with David. I had called David while LeAnna and I were on our way to Magna to let him know that I was on my way. As we got closer to my Mom's, LeAnna made a comment about following me down to David's Parents.... I didn't understand why until she said that she "Might not be able to stay for the whole movie." I didn't want to be rude, so I just said ok. I prolly should have said something. Fortunately she only stayed through the previews. However, I was taken aback by the fact that when I had planned something with David, she had automatically assumed that she was included. With just a group of Friends or whatever, that wouldn't have been a big deal. But this is My Husband. In my opinion, it's automatically different.
Throughout the next day, several conversations took place between David, myself, and Cody. The Husbands made arrangement to go to a 10:00 pm movie (so that all of Cody and Mandi's children would be in bed making it easier on her) and I would take Jacob and go spend time with Mandi. David was not comfortable with LeAnna going with them and told Cody this. Cody said that since LeAnna had expressed a desire to go, he would let her know what time and where for the movie.... but leave it at that.
Apparently, Cody was nervous about the ability to get tickets unless they bought them online. He asked LeAnna to buy them. She bought 3.... ok, I understand that. I sent her a message and said "If you can get the money back for your ticket, you should just let the guys go to the movie, and you should come spend some time with Mandi and me." No, I didn't say she couldn't go. No, I didn't tell her specifically that I had a problem with her going. Nor did I tell her that David had a problem with it. I didn't see the need to be that specific. She commented back that she could not get the money back for her ticket. I talked to David about this, and he got his younger Brother to come. I let LeAnna know that we had someone to use her ticket. That she should stay with us "Girls" and just let the Guys go to the Movie. She never responded. However, as soon as David, Cody, and Douglas got to the theater, she asked David if I was mad that she was going. He told her that yes, I was upset that she was going because it was supposed to be a "Guys Night" and she was in fact NOT a Guy. She said that she wanted to see the movie. He told her that I had wanted to see the movie too, but because it was a "Guys Night" and Mandi needed some Girl Time, I had stayed back. After the movie was over, she sent me an appology saying that next time she wouldn't go and "Don't be mad."
This is why I am not ok with what she did: First, she doesn't seem to see or respect appropriate boundaries. Now, I think at least in Cody's case, it's not all her fault. I think he even takes advantage of this sometimes. However, David is different. Mandi doesn't mind. But I do.
Second, she KNEW that it was a problem for me that she was going. Or she would not have said something to David about it immediately after he got there. She also would have answered me when I sent the message about Douglas using her ticket. She and I have been Friends long enough that she KNEW I was not ok with it.
Third, she did it anyway, and then asked me to be ok with it. It's the old philosophy that "It's better to ask forgiveness than permission. It was easier to try to make me ok with it AFTER she got to do what she wanted to do than to not go.
Fourth, we go back to the appropriate boundaries. She Doesn't have the "appropriate" level of impulse control that is expected of most adults. This puts David in a potentially inappropriate situation. No, she hasn't tried "anything" as of yet. But if her intentions were "innocent" she would have been ok with me asking her not to go. Plus she seems to blur the line anyway as demonstrated by her coming to watch the movie with us the night before.
Fifth, it shows a complete lack of respect for our Friendship. This isn't a mutual Friend we're talking about. This is my Husband. I don't share my Husband with my Girlfriends. His Friends, or Family members is a completely different story. She knows me well enough to know what kinds of things I am ok with and not. All of my points, 1-5 tie in together. She and I have been Friends long enough, that I know all too well her tendency to act first, worry about consequences later, I also know that she KNEW when I sent her the first message that I was asking her not to go with the guys.... not just suggesting that she hang out with us. She knew I wasn't ok with her going and she didn't care until AFTER her "itch" had been "scratched."
Once in a while, however, a friendship will slip away over time. Once in a really great while, a friendship will suffer collateral damage at a level that there's just not much that can be done. 2 of my REALLY close Friends from High School and I hit a point after we left school where this seemed to be the case. However, after several years, the friendships were restored. One of them was restored because the person became my Sister in law, and the other divorced the jerk that had caused the damage to our friendship in the first place.
Last week, one of my closest Friends of MANY years and I reached a point where we are actually not speaking for the time being.
She is a single Friend. She has a relatively loose approach to relationships, and not to be crass, but her need for sex often overrides her desire to do what's right. She was brought up in the Church (Mormon), and knows what she is "Supposed" to be doing and not doing.
She was my Roommate when David and I first got married. She was my Maid of Honor. She has coma and visited me numerous times when I have lived outside of Utah. She has attended many of our special events, and I count her as a very loyal Friend.
She is Bipolar. Which I understand.... And cut her some slack on. One of her "quirks" is her need for instant gratification. She doesn't use a lot of self control. Now - I understand that self control is something EVERYONE is at varying stages with. I also understand that being bipolar makes impulse control more difficult. However, this is where we run into some trouble.
A little while ago, she began making comments about how if polygamy was ever brought back into practice, she would either have to marry David or the Husband of one of our other good Friends. I laughed this off as "funny." However, as time has passed she has begun to say it more and even act as if she expects this to one day be the case. She frequently goes to movies with the other Husband and his Friends while his wife is at home. And she has been known to message both David and the other Husband regularly. Now with Cody (the other Husband) he sort of initiates it.... and his Wife seems perfectly fine with it. David on the other hand prefers to not have any interaction with her unless I am involved. IE: All 3 of us go out to dinner, I invite her over, or to go out with our whole Family, etc. He never engages in conversation with her just the two of them. Smart, I think.
While we were in Salt Lake for the Holidays, 2 things happened. 1st, I went out with her for some "Girl Time." While we were out, we stopped to see Cody and his Wife who had just had a Baby. While we were talking with them, it came up that Cody could use some "Guy Time." I commented that it would be great if he and David did something together. LeAnna (the Friend I've been speaking of) began making comments along the lines of "The two of you (meaning David and Cody) could come over to my place and we could watch movies." It came up that Sherlock Holmes was playing and that both Husbands were interested in seeing it. LeAnna mentioned that she did not get off of work until 9:30. It was also mentioned that Mandi (Cody's Wife) could use some help, and socialization. So, I said that I would bring Jacob over, and hang out and help Mandi while Cody and David got out and went to a movie.
After we left Cody and Mandi's house, we drove back to My Mom's where she had parked her car since I had driven us. Then, I was going to go to David's Parents house to watch a movie with David. I had called David while LeAnna and I were on our way to Magna to let him know that I was on my way. As we got closer to my Mom's, LeAnna made a comment about following me down to David's Parents.... I didn't understand why until she said that she "Might not be able to stay for the whole movie." I didn't want to be rude, so I just said ok. I prolly should have said something. Fortunately she only stayed through the previews. However, I was taken aback by the fact that when I had planned something with David, she had automatically assumed that she was included. With just a group of Friends or whatever, that wouldn't have been a big deal. But this is My Husband. In my opinion, it's automatically different.
Throughout the next day, several conversations took place between David, myself, and Cody. The Husbands made arrangement to go to a 10:00 pm movie (so that all of Cody and Mandi's children would be in bed making it easier on her) and I would take Jacob and go spend time with Mandi. David was not comfortable with LeAnna going with them and told Cody this. Cody said that since LeAnna had expressed a desire to go, he would let her know what time and where for the movie.... but leave it at that.
Apparently, Cody was nervous about the ability to get tickets unless they bought them online. He asked LeAnna to buy them. She bought 3.... ok, I understand that. I sent her a message and said "If you can get the money back for your ticket, you should just let the guys go to the movie, and you should come spend some time with Mandi and me." No, I didn't say she couldn't go. No, I didn't tell her specifically that I had a problem with her going. Nor did I tell her that David had a problem with it. I didn't see the need to be that specific. She commented back that she could not get the money back for her ticket. I talked to David about this, and he got his younger Brother to come. I let LeAnna know that we had someone to use her ticket. That she should stay with us "Girls" and just let the Guys go to the Movie. She never responded. However, as soon as David, Cody, and Douglas got to the theater, she asked David if I was mad that she was going. He told her that yes, I was upset that she was going because it was supposed to be a "Guys Night" and she was in fact NOT a Guy. She said that she wanted to see the movie. He told her that I had wanted to see the movie too, but because it was a "Guys Night" and Mandi needed some Girl Time, I had stayed back. After the movie was over, she sent me an appology saying that next time she wouldn't go and "Don't be mad."
This is why I am not ok with what she did: First, she doesn't seem to see or respect appropriate boundaries. Now, I think at least in Cody's case, it's not all her fault. I think he even takes advantage of this sometimes. However, David is different. Mandi doesn't mind. But I do.
Second, she KNEW that it was a problem for me that she was going. Or she would not have said something to David about it immediately after he got there. She also would have answered me when I sent the message about Douglas using her ticket. She and I have been Friends long enough that she KNEW I was not ok with it.
Third, she did it anyway, and then asked me to be ok with it. It's the old philosophy that "It's better to ask forgiveness than permission. It was easier to try to make me ok with it AFTER she got to do what she wanted to do than to not go.
Fourth, we go back to the appropriate boundaries. She Doesn't have the "appropriate" level of impulse control that is expected of most adults. This puts David in a potentially inappropriate situation. No, she hasn't tried "anything" as of yet. But if her intentions were "innocent" she would have been ok with me asking her not to go. Plus she seems to blur the line anyway as demonstrated by her coming to watch the movie with us the night before.
Fifth, it shows a complete lack of respect for our Friendship. This isn't a mutual Friend we're talking about. This is my Husband. I don't share my Husband with my Girlfriends. His Friends, or Family members is a completely different story. She knows me well enough to know what kinds of things I am ok with and not. All of my points, 1-5 tie in together. She and I have been Friends long enough, that I know all too well her tendency to act first, worry about consequences later, I also know that she KNEW when I sent her the first message that I was asking her not to go with the guys.... not just suggesting that she hang out with us. She knew I wasn't ok with her going and she didn't care until AFTER her "itch" had been "scratched."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Willow Tree
I love collecting Willow Tree figures. They seem however to be "taboo" items or something. Any time someone asks me what I want for birthdays, Christmas, etc., I can always think of at least ONE figure I am currently eyeing to add to my collection.... and well, it seems to always miss the "cut."
I don't mean to sound spoiled. I always.... well, 8 times out of 10 really like what I am given. And I am grateful.... especially to have people who love me enough to even get me something. Fortunately David always seems to find a way to get me the ones I want. This year it was the "Guardian" figure. I have had my eye on it for a while, but gave up when we haven't seen it anywhere recently. So I moved on to "Close to me" and "Child of my Heart." I will just have to get those two next.
I don't mean to sound spoiled. I always.... well, 8 times out of 10 really like what I am given. And I am grateful.... especially to have people who love me enough to even get me something. Fortunately David always seems to find a way to get me the ones I want. This year it was the "Guardian" figure. I have had my eye on it for a while, but gave up when we haven't seen it anywhere recently. So I moved on to "Close to me" and "Child of my Heart." I will just have to get those two next.
So happy to be home
I don't know if I've ever felt quite this happy to be home before. I think some of it has to do with how organized and tidy we left things when we went to Utah almost 2 full weeks ago. I'm glad we left our tree up and lit. It really made things cozy when we walked in the door.
The Children... Elysia and Jacob specifically, seem happy to be in their own beds. Poor Elysia was so tired. I asked her if she wanted to go up to bed. She immediately said "Yes," and was asleep within minutes. Jacob made lots of sqwaking noises at everything, and is contentedly laying in his playpen drousily pulling on his Lion crib mirror.
I love our townhouse. If it had ONE more bedroom upstairs, I think I could live here for 10 more years. It has the perfect amount of space except for the kitchen... and again, being one bedroom short. *Sigh*
Now I am off to my cozy bed.... to settle down and watch "PS I Love You." I won't be too cold, and there is no one upstairs to wake me up at the crack of dawn..... Bliss ;-)
The Children... Elysia and Jacob specifically, seem happy to be in their own beds. Poor Elysia was so tired. I asked her if she wanted to go up to bed. She immediately said "Yes," and was asleep within minutes. Jacob made lots of sqwaking noises at everything, and is contentedly laying in his playpen drousily pulling on his Lion crib mirror.
I love our townhouse. If it had ONE more bedroom upstairs, I think I could live here for 10 more years. It has the perfect amount of space except for the kitchen... and again, being one bedroom short. *Sigh*
Now I am off to my cozy bed.... to settle down and watch "PS I Love You." I won't be too cold, and there is no one upstairs to wake me up at the crack of dawn..... Bliss ;-)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Yup, it's that time again....
Here we go.... New Year's Resolutions:
My goals for this year are based largely on how SICK I am of dealing with all of the negativity that I feel circulates so widely these days. I am tired of drama and negativity. They are not fruits of the Spirit, and I don't want them in my life.
One big wake up call I got was spending Christmas with My Family and David's Family. They are so different, and I learned a lot by observing both.
One thing that was surprising to me was to see that my Aunt, Uncle and cousins who I have always tried to be more like are not what I want to be at ALL. I watched what I would consider a MAJOR display of being spoiled. And that isn't something I want in my life at ALL.
I also saw what my Brother-in-law, Dan's Wife is like. We've had our ups and downs. Sometimes we've not liked eachother at all. But now we seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things, and she is someone I admire in many ways.
I've learned over this Holiday Season that money is important.... but it isn't everything. It plays it's role in our ability to survive and accomplish our missions here on earth. But you can have lots of it and still be miserable, or very little and be happy. As long as I have the security to take care of Our Family.... I'm just as happy without as I could be with. I will say that it is VERY important to me to be able to help others. I want to be in a position to leave any kitchen I may visit with a bit fuller cupboards than when I came. Any demands I place on others, I'd like to make up for and then some. I want the ability to help someone in a crisis. Help ease a burden. Help brighten a day. While money is not always necessary for these things to be accomplished, I would like to have the means to meet these needs on a financial level when needs be.
So.... here is my list.
*To treat my Family with more kindness.... especially focusing on the words I use when I speak to them. To hug them more, and criticize less.
*To reform my behavior to represent the Lady I am working on becoming
*To set an example to all of how Ladies and Gentlemen act. Having money does not Royalty make, just as having none does not Beggars make.
* To help those whose cup needs a bit more whether it be financially or with a kind word.
*To appreciate more. To criticize and judge less.
* To remove negativity as much from my life and the lives of those in my care as much as I possibly can. That includes removing negative influences and people if needs be.
My goals for this year are based largely on how SICK I am of dealing with all of the negativity that I feel circulates so widely these days. I am tired of drama and negativity. They are not fruits of the Spirit, and I don't want them in my life.
One big wake up call I got was spending Christmas with My Family and David's Family. They are so different, and I learned a lot by observing both.
One thing that was surprising to me was to see that my Aunt, Uncle and cousins who I have always tried to be more like are not what I want to be at ALL. I watched what I would consider a MAJOR display of being spoiled. And that isn't something I want in my life at ALL.
I also saw what my Brother-in-law, Dan's Wife is like. We've had our ups and downs. Sometimes we've not liked eachother at all. But now we seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things, and she is someone I admire in many ways.
I've learned over this Holiday Season that money is important.... but it isn't everything. It plays it's role in our ability to survive and accomplish our missions here on earth. But you can have lots of it and still be miserable, or very little and be happy. As long as I have the security to take care of Our Family.... I'm just as happy without as I could be with. I will say that it is VERY important to me to be able to help others. I want to be in a position to leave any kitchen I may visit with a bit fuller cupboards than when I came. Any demands I place on others, I'd like to make up for and then some. I want the ability to help someone in a crisis. Help ease a burden. Help brighten a day. While money is not always necessary for these things to be accomplished, I would like to have the means to meet these needs on a financial level when needs be.
So.... here is my list.
*To treat my Family with more kindness.... especially focusing on the words I use when I speak to them. To hug them more, and criticize less.
*To reform my behavior to represent the Lady I am working on becoming
*To set an example to all of how Ladies and Gentlemen act. Having money does not Royalty make, just as having none does not Beggars make.
* To help those whose cup needs a bit more whether it be financially or with a kind word.
*To appreciate more. To criticize and judge less.
* To remove negativity as much from my life and the lives of those in my care as much as I possibly can. That includes removing negative influences and people if needs be.
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