Twilight Zone at the Dr's Office

Today I experienced that rare but TERRIFYING period of time where the Dr., despite every angle and effort just COULD NOT find a heart beat with the Doppler.

I'm laying there, and she's searching, and it's just not happening. And I start thinking about my blasted excess of belly that is residual from past pregnancies, and getting overweight. And then, the realization hits that she's not finding ANYTHING, and isn't going to.

This is only my 2nd appointment since I was 14 weeks before I went the first time. And because I was so far along, she just skipped the Doppler and went straight to the ultra sound so that she could assess the pregnancy and confirm a due date.

So I didn't hear the heart beat then either. Which is fine, knowing that the baby has been visually confirmed to be fine. But it's so DIFFERENT not having HEARD that familiar sound. Which just added to the ethereal ness of the whole thing. And made my mind catch just a bit on what was happening.

And then, she rushed me to the next room to do the ultra sound this time, and it was a waiting game.... and then, MOVEMENT. And then, a confirmed heart beat. And before panic had really registered and sunk in, sheer RELIEF. But still, NO SOUND.

The placenta it seems is right up against my belly which means feeling movement might be scarse this round.... as well as the fact that I may not be HEARING anything at my checkups. Monthly ultra sounds MIGHT have to be the norm.... which comes with it's OWN set of worries. SIGH.

I think the thing that was really poignant was the fact that this isn't my 1st or even 2nd. This is my FIFTH time doing this, and this is the first time I've ever had that moment where everything wasn't textbook! And there's that expectation from routine that tells you: You're going in, You're laying down, YUP! There's that familiar wand, and there's the...... WHAT?! Wait a minute...

But now the knowledge that everything is fine. WHEW!