Death and 2 am

2 am is NOT the time when I should be thinking about death, dying, or any variation of it.

I am tired, but now I have so much on my mind.

Poor David. He doesn't do it on purpose, but he brings up these topics at the most in convenient times.

So, here I am looking at urns and caskets. ACK!

Now that I've gotten it out there, I think I can go to bed now.

It's the BUSIEST time of the year!

We are officially moving. Deposit has been paid, apartment on hold. House 30% packed. Christmas 1 week from today. 60% of the house to be packed. 100% of Mt Washmore... that would be 60 loads of laundry to be washed and packed in 10 days. So I guess, I'd better get off of here since I have to average 6 loads a day, and my normal is 2.

Talk to you next year unless something I just HAVE to blog about immediately comes up.

Clarification

Oh, and no, I don't have any scary disease, AIDS, HIV or any variation there of. Just a weakened immune system, NOTHING YOU CAN CATCH, even if I bleed on you (not that I intend to) and certainly not by touching something I've touched, or sitting on something I've sat on (not to mention the fact that I keep my hands and my Children's hands cleaner than the average citizen)! So any of you who took my last post wrong.... RELAX! I am not a health risk. The only reason I don't broadcast it and only a few know is because it generally NBDB! ;-)

I just feel worn down and wanted to blog about it, since blogs are good for what ails the mind ;-)

Sick, sick, sick

I don't know how many know this. If you were told by me, only a handful. But I'm thinking that more people know than I would like.

Because of poor choices in my early adult years.... recklessness, lack of education when it came to being streetwise, I have a very weak immune system.

And it's on the blitz again. I hate how hard it is to maintain. And I hate that because I don't act fragile it's overlooked. The NUMBER ONE thing that breaks it down is David. He knew before he married me that it was an issue, and he forgets, and when he explodes because he's passive/aggressive and gets to the point where he can't hold the little things that are bothering him.... that have added up for months... inside anymore, it goes a LONG way to breaking it down. Add that to a Funeral, well, and Now I feel like CRAP!

Baby it's Cold Outside.... BRRRR!!!!!

I really can't stay
(but baby it's cold outside)
I've got to go away
(but baby it's cold outside)
This evening has been
(been hoping that you'd drop in)
So very nice
(i'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)
My mother will start worry
(beautiful whats your hurry)
My father will be pacing the floor
(listen to the fireplace roar)
So really i'd better scurry
(beautiful please don't hurry)
but maybe just a half a drink more
(put some records on while i pour)
the neighbors might faint
(baby it's bad out there)
say what's in this drink
(no cabs to be had out there)
i wish i knew how
(your eyes are like starlight now)
to break this spell
(i'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)
i ought to say "no, no, no sir"
(mind if i move in closer)
at least i'm gonna say that i tried
(what's the sense in hurtin' my pride)
i really can't stay
(oh baby don't hold out)

both:baby it's cold out side

i simply must go
(but baby it's cold outside)
the answer is no
(but baby it's cold outside)
your welcome has been
(how lucky that you droped in)
so nice and warm
(look out the window at that storm)
my sister will be suspicious
(gosh your lips look delcious)
my brother will be there at the door
(waves upon the tropical shore)
my maiden aunts mind is vicious
(gosh your lips are delicous)
but maybe just a cigarette more
(never such a blizzard before)
i've gotta get home
(but baby you'd freeze out there)
say lend me a coat
(it's up to your knees out there)
you've really been grand
(i thrill when you touch my hand)
but don't you see?
(how can you do this thing to me?)
there's bound to be talk tomorrow
(think of my lifelong sorrow)
at least there will be plenty implied
(if you got namonia and died)
i really can't stay
(get over that old out)

both:baby it's cold
baby it's cold outside

Cal's Obituary

Calvin Quincy Lundgren 1949 ~ 2010

Calvin Q. Lundgren, age 61, passed away suddenly at his home in Kemmerer, WY. on December 7, 2010. Calvin was born on April 9, 1949, in Nampa, Idaho, the son of Grant Staker and Sylvia Alice (Dowdle) Lundgren. He married Karen Louise Flagg on March 3, 1972 in the Oakland L.D.S. Temple. Calvin was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and enjoyed his many callings he held in the church, which included being a High Priest, serving as financial clerk in his bishopric, serving as a family history teacher, and also as a family history consultant. Calvin loved being in the great outdoors, fishing, camping, and especially spending time with his family, children, and grandchildren. He loved to build things, and work with his hands. At the time of his death, he was employed with Redi Services, as a master electrician. He is survived by his wife, Karen Lundgren, of Kemmerer, WY; sons: Calvin Anthony (Michelle) Lundgren, West Jordan, UT; David (Kim) Lundgren, of Diamondville, WY; Matthew G. (Tiziana) of Hyrum, UT; and Michael (Kathryn) Lundgren, of Kemmerer, WY; his daughters, Heather (David) Boone, of Tooele, UT; and Anita (Robert) Gerber, of North Logan, UT. He is also survived by his brothers, Steven (Linda) Lundgren, of Texas; Carbon (Lucinda) Lundgren, of West Valley, UT; Phillip (Vivian) Lundgren, of Kearns, UT; and Bill (Lena) Lundgren, of Auburn, CA. He is also survived by his 14 grandchildren, Adam, Camille, Kelly, Benjamin, Daniel, Alessia, William David, Celeste, Scott, Callie Joy, Mary, Lily, Wyatt, and Rebecca. Calvin was preceded in death by his parents. Visitation will be held at Ball Family Chapel, on Monday, December 13, 2010 from 6:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. and again one hour prior to services at the church on Tuesday. Funeral services will be conducted on Tuesday, December 14, 2010 at 10:00 a.m. at the Kemmerer L.D.S. Stake Center, Kemmerer, WY; with Bishop Dennis Cartwright officiating. Interment and graveside services will take place at the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah at 2:30 p.m. Ball Family Chapel of Kemmerer, WY. in charge of arrangements.

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning .. to the end. He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears. But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on the earth. And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth. For it matters not how much we own ... the cars ... the house ... the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left. **You could be at "dash mid-range.** If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So when your eulogy's being read with your life's action to rehash ... Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?

Thanks to Abby

Today's quote, thank to Abby:

"Well, today's eight-year-olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud."....Barney Fife

It's been a variety for SURE

Friday night, thanks to my WONDERFUL Husband I was able to drive with Elizabeth to Kemmerer, Wy to spend time with the Lundgren Family. A Family who has been there for me, and with me through MUCH and Many years! From Jr High, to High School, and beyond to marriage and Motherhood. From my first date with David Lundgren through various boyfriends, to marriage, divorce, and marriage again.

I didn't PLAN on it, but packed an overnight bag just in case weather was bad. Funny, because David knew I wouldn't be back until Sat. When it came down to it, and I WASN'T leaving, I felt so at home spending the night.... because even though it was a different house, I still felt so at home. Because to me, the Lundgrens have always symbolized home and family to me. Many Christmases have come and gone with them being a constant in my life!

I used to refer as the Christmas feeling I got every year as the "David Feeling" because it's the same feeling I always got being with David Lundgren. It's interesting because even with being married to different people, I see the importance of having him in my life still. We now fit more into a Friendship/sibling relationship role, but I realized on Friday how important having him in those roles is to my life.

After being in Kemmerer I needed to get back for Elysia and Abby's Birthday party. I think spending the time in Kemmerer altered my feelings on the relationships I have A LOT! I am so very grateful for the people in my life. And the ones that have taken themselves out of my life, it's THEIR loss. They are truly missing out because I am a loyal and caring friend who would enrich their lives. The people who came to the party made a HUGE impact with the effort they made to show their love and support.

And then, Amanda Vaughn decided they should come over and play games. THANK YOU AMANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU! I love you for working with my crazy! For understanding that it serves a purpose. For being so much fun despite my quirks, and for late night trips to make fools of ourselves at the store!

What I want you to remember about me

I am passionate about the People and ideals that matter to me. Untamed is probably the Best word you'll ever find to describe me, and I'm proud of it. I love deeply and try to always give 100%. I love My Husband and Children more than ANYTHING! I believe in God as our Father. I believe in Jesus Christ and that He died to ransom us from our natural mistakes as mortals. I try every day to more successfully follow His example and treat others the way He treated the people around Him. I believe that the KEY to being a good person is the Golden Rule also know as Empathy.... if we could only treat others the way we want to be treated, how much better would this world be! I believe that Families are Forever. That My Husband and Children and I can be together after this life ends. I believe that as Man is, God once was, and as God is, Man can become. I believe that education is CRUCIAL to success in this life.... we need to educate our children about the dangers and how to be responsible with their choices in life. I believe that too many parents want others to teach their children the things that THEY should be teaching them, and then don't like the results. NO SUCCESS can compensate for Failure in the Home. I do not like the Government interfering in my life, and I HATE those who take advantage of the Freedoms that so many Men and Women have given their lives to protect. I HATE illegal immigration. I was a Soldier for 5 years, and am to this day a Soldier to my CORE. I have been married twice to the same Man for a total of 8 years. I have 4 WONDERFUL Children, and would love to have more. I LOVE life and am determined to make it a successful experience so that when I leave it and move onto the next, I can look back with contentment rather than regret. I believe that there is life after this and that we will have to answer for every choice we make. And Love. Above all, I believe in Love. And the power it has to change... and SAVE peoples' souls!

The Wall

"We don't need no education.
We don't need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teacher, leave those kids alone.
Hey, Teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
We don't need no education.
We don't need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teachers, leave those kids alone.
Hey, Teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall. "

Squeezing every tear out

My Friend's dad died today.

I could leave it at that, and it almost sums it up.

But there really is so much it doesn't.

First, I am so truly sad for her and her family.

This man was very important to them.

He was a Horrible husband and Father for a span of years. When I met them, he was on his way out of their lives.

And then, he came back. And he mended broken ties and broken hearts.

And I witnessed this over years that were very fundamental in shaping my outlook and the way I chose for MY life.

This Family is so important to me, and my heart breaks with theirs!

The last time I cried like this, was when my Grandma died.

I am about to send out Christmas Cards. I send one to them every year. This year will not be the exception. But he won't ever see it.

And every tear that can squeeze it's way out of my heart and soul over this WILL before the year is over.

I will cry today. Much more than I have already. And I will cry when I see his Family. I will cry at his viewing. At his Funeral.

Heather, Anita, Karen, Matt, Calvin, David, Michael.... my heart goes out to you. ESPECIALLY the first 3. His wife, Karen, and 2 daughters.... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Success

‎"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
– Sir Winston Churchill

TRUE Christmas... what REALLY matters

I woke up this afternoon.... I was EXHAUSTED.... to DRAMA that was all ABOUT something I'd done, but was taking place AROUND me not WITH me. People who want to piss and moan over stupid things that just happen.

And I am Happy. I have all of the things in my life that REALLY matter. I have my BEAUTIFUL 4 Children. My Husband who wanted me to have a good night even though I was having drama after drama swirling all around me, so he bought a game that I wanted over one he wanted AND brought me home a surprise Raspberry Lemonade that you can't get just ANYWHERE. Then he cleaned up and got the children to bed so I could relax and decorate some more.

I have the ability to forgive, and a grateful personality. SO many people live life without those traits.

I am not ugly. I can be really cute.

And I have all of my basic needs taken care of.

I have some REALLY good Friends, and Family.

God is sooooooo GOOD to me!

I have all of the makings for a WONDERFUL Holiday season!

Thank HEAVEN my Husbands smarter than I give him credit for!

SO after using David as a sounding board, things may not be so bad, and the Friendships are hopefully still intact just parts of them are different.

The Christmas Decorating was still a good idea, and It looks and smells so festive in here.

Buying more Scentsy is always good too!

Decorating for Christmas

I wasn't going to decorate because I'm hoping that we'll be moving by Jan 1st or maybe even Christmas and the last thing I need right now is more to have to pack and organize.... and since it's already packed up.... well, I'm sure you get the point.

Anyhow, David told me that he wants to move before Christmas so that we can have Christmas decorations up.

I have lost a couple of Friendships this week that I'm pretty sad about. And I don't understand what exactly happened, so I'm even more down about it.

SO, I decided the best way to pull out of it was to decorate for Christmas.

I'm glad too because it HAS helped a lot, and I realized that all of the stuff I'm taking down in exchange for the Christmas decorations can go straight into boxes or totes.

I got David to let me get a couple of new Scentsy Warmers too.

Possessions don't take the place of Friendships, but doing something like Christmas decorating and buying new stuff always seems to help. It's like ice cream. Ice cream can fix ANYTHING ;-)

How lonely it must be

I know WAY too many people that are only friends with ANYONE superficially. They are so afraid of being hurt, out shined, what ever to let anyone closer than arms length.

The problem that this causes for someone like me is 1) that it's hard to make real friends because no one wants to be or have a real friend, and 2) that people like that do a LOT of damage to people like me who actually care.

Aren't you lonely? Is it really so much better this way? Would you really rather be stand offish, and have people around you for superficiality?

I do NOT know how to love by halves. I either Love you or Hate you. And when you do things that push me towards hating you, I put that much more into loving you because convince yourself all you want that I'm a problem for this, but you know deep down that you wish more people cared that much!

Self esteem boost

I am not the kind of person that enjoys watching ANYONE suffer. I feel compassion toward people even if they deserve their suffering.

I don't get a self esteem boost from others mishaps, misfortunes, or other things that bring them down. I don't get to the top of the bucket, by pulling down and stepping on those in my way.

I do however, get a self esteem boost from the realization that as I patiently sit back and offer to be everyone's Friend, don't pull down or step on those in my way, and slowly but steadily work my way through life while karma smiles on me more and more for my willingness to be kind and sit back rather than beat people down, I am sitting comfortably in a good position. Yes, higher than those who have pushed me down to get where they think they are. You see, those who push others down, ultimately get caught in the rat race where they push and step and then someone else does it to them. And it's a battle for as long as they think that's the way to do it.

People like me who don't push and step on people get through because no one thinks we're the one to "beat".

I had a few encounters this weekend that showed me this.

It felt good, and always does, to feel like the way I am handling my life is working.

And it's not the superficial feel good. It's the kind that goes deep because you know that it's a virtuous feel good.

And YES, that makes me superior ;-)

One thing you can always rest assured on: I will never stab you in the back, steal your baby names, steal your friends, or betray you. That's not the way I roll ;-)

Oh, and how I feel about you will never be based on how pretty, or skinny you are or how much money you make!

No more

I hate to be like this, I try to exemplify something TOTALLY different. But as sad as I am to say it, I can now say that there are people I will NEVER again offer to do things for. If you're thinking, that you don't care, you don't need me,wait until your "trophy" Friends are too busy to help in a bind. Some of them only offer to one up me, and I won't be offering so they will have no one to one up.

My day

I haven't told you about my day yet.

It started off by me sleeping REALLY LATE! My Children were averagely behaved. I got nothing done, but didn't care ;-) They at least were taken care of. My house was pretty clean since we had company Sunday night.

Amanda Vaughn called to remind me about Harmonie's Christmas Concert, and tell me how bad it sucks that her family that would come to it are all in another state, while the ones who live here won't come.

I let David know that I needed him home by 6 so I could go with Amanda.

He told me that he got offered the Halliburton job, and accepted it!!!

He got home just after 6 while I was hurrying to get ready to leave.

He then yelled at me about how I sleep in, do nothing, blah blah blah.

I told him I wasn't leaving, I was going to stay here and fix OUR family vs try to mend someone else's.

He yelled at me some more. It made me feel like CRAP. I cried. A LOT.

Then I called our Home Teacher who came over and gave me the most AWESOME Blessing that told me that change, even good change, brings stress. That the path we're about to take is right. That more paths will be shown that are good for us. That prayers will be answered. That some much needed happiness is on the way. That I'm not perfect, but there's the atonement for that. And that I AM LOVED. By people here AND on the other side. And by My Heavenly Father.

And I cried some more.

(And now I am crying again because that blessing was so important when my heart hurt so bad!!!!)

And then David hugged me and said he was sorry. And that he loves and appreciates me.

And then we got children to bed.

And I made some food.... since I hadn't eaten.

And then, we watched "The Women" and had pie.

And then Jacob FINALLY went to sleep.

And NOW I am going to shower!!!!

Standing outside the fire

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Chorus:
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly hiher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire

Some GREAT news

David has been offered, and accepted the job with Halliburton that he interviewed for!!!!! He will work 2 weeks on, and then be off for 1 week.

The hourly pay isn't out of this world, but this is a job where he should be getting 80+ hours each week that he is on. And then he gets paid for 40 hours on his week off!!!!!

We are now looking into whether or not we want to move.

Marry You

It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go,
No one will know,
Come on girl.
Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow,
Shots of patron,
And it's on girl.

Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So whatcha wanna do?
Let's just run girl.

If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool.
No, I won't blame you;
It was fun girl.

Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Just say I do,
Tell me right now baby,
Tell me right now baby. x2

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

This year's Holidays

Thanksgiving over, Christmas on it's way. And I am so grateful for so much!!!!

Thanksgiving was yet another chance to see how wonderfully blessed and taken care of I am.

Wed night, the day before Thanksgiving, I wanted to be in Utah with Family. That didn't happen. So,we joined some of our ward members at the Kropf Family's home for their anual "Pie Night." We truly enjoyed ourselves. They invited us back for Thanksgiving Dinner, since our plans had changed very last minute. That too was an event that was immensely enjoyed. The next day, we played "Candy Land" as a Family. I then drove into RS to sit with the Murphys' 2 boys so Mike and Sara could go out.

And as I was driving, I had the thought "I hope David is as in love with me as I am him." I came home to the reassurance that, as he put it, "I am more in love with you than you are with me." Now, I think that's completely the opposite of what the real situation is. But that is a GREAT situation to be in. Both of us certain that we are more in love with the other than they are with us. Because it means that we are both 100% in love with eachother.

I am so much happier with my marriage than I used to be. I am content, and at peace with it. And THAT is a huge step. It has taken 9 years of learning to get here.

And as the Holiday season is in full swing, having my Husband and Children close makes things so wonderful.

My Christmas shopping is virtually done. I have everything for the Children. Deborah's Family is about 1/2 way shopped for. My Mom is almost completely shopped for. Cathy's book is here.

David has his 2 jobs that keep him busy, but are helping out with the expenses of the season. It would be GREAT if he could get on with Halliburton by the 1st of the year!

Game Night

We had Amanda Vaughn, Logan, Marti, and Mason Hanson, Mike, Sara, Preston, and Kade Murphy over tonight to play games. I would call it a success. I hope they had fun.

We played "Smart Ass" which is a trivia board game. It was ok, but I don't think anyone was really "feeling" it.

Then we played "Loaded Questions." Another board game, but it is a little more "adult topic" than others. We had a BLAST, and it was DEFINITELY an ice breaker.

The kids did pretty well playing downstairs.

*******************************************************
Thanksgiving we played "Quelf" a trivia board game, with the Kropfs... a family from our ward. That was a lot of fun. Quite a bit cleaner than tonight's "Loaded Questions."

I really enjoy playing games with Friends. And our collection has grown with David working at the Calender Club this Holiday Season.

The day after Thanksgiving, we were going to have people over for Game Night, but for one reason or another, nobody was able to come. So we played "Candy Land" as a Family. That was really nice! We all had a great time. I think that will become a regular activity around here.

Trying to be positive

This season I am trying so hard to be positive. To focus on all that I have to be grateful for... because I have a LOT! And so far, this has brought positive karma, that I am SUPER Grateful for!!!!!

And then, expenses and weather prevent our ability to go to Salt Lake for the weekend. Which was a shot in the foot since I revel in being around family this time of year, and we had a GREAT weekend planned.

And then, with all of my Friends staying here, only ONE even cares that we may be alone on Thanksgiving. All the while the OTHER Friends are pointing out to me how big of a deal dinner is to them on Thanksgiving.... well, it is to us too, but being trapped here this weekend, it would be great to have friends who we could share it with. I'd be HAPPY to have everyone HERE!!

I think I'm over it now.

David had a job interview with Halliburton this morning. Fingers are CROSSED!!!!

We need this job!

OMG!

I finished my last post, and went to switch laundry over. I locked Elysia in the business center while I went. I had just come back into the clubhouse, and was about to unlock the door to here, and the same man walked in. He said "It's just me, don't worry." I let myself in, and hurried and locked the door. He walked past, into the area that NO ONE is supposed to be in, did an about face, walked past the area I'm in and left. He has come in at least once since I've been typing this.

He can't really see in here, and there are 2 locked doors between the rest of the clubhouse and where we are. But I might seriously be stuck in here till it's light outside.

I thought I was DONE for!

The title of this post is soooo tame compared to what it was going to be.

I took Elysia to the ER tonight because she's been very lethargic, had no appetite, and has had a cold for over a week.

Bronchitis. Antibiotics. Nothing too horendous. Easily taken care of.

We went to Wal mart to get some things.

We came back to the apartment complex (The Preserve) and I desparately needed to wash clothes despite it being 3 am.

I put Elysia on a couch in the clubhouse (not wanting to wake David up since he will be having to get up with the other kids in the morning) and went and got the dirty laundry. As I walked up the stairs and through the breezeway to the apartment, a man came out of his (the two are back to back) and looked around like he was trying to see who was walking around at 3 am. He made small talk while I got the door open, then I went inside. I got the laundry, and when I came back out and was on my way down the stairs, he came out again. I just kept going.

I checked on Elysia in the clubhouse.... she was asleep. I went and started putting the clothes in the washers. I have a bad habit of being a little overly brave when it comes to doing laundry in a setting like this. If I think I can POSSIBLY get away with it, I will strip down to my underware to get the clothes I am wearing into the washer, and then RUN back to my room/apartment. The other night I wanted to do that, and David pointed out that too many people would see. So, I didn't ;-)

This morning however, I was IN the laundry room. NO ONE in sight, no cameras, no way for any one to see in. So I hurried and got my bottom underware off, threw them into the washer and was putting my pants back on FAST, when the door opens. LUCKILY I was fast enough that I don't think he realized exactly what I was doing till they were up.

BUT he had obviously been drinking. And it was the same guy from the apartment back to back with ours. And we were alone. And he was blocking the door. And he hit on me. And I was PANICKING!

THANK GOD he left after finding out I was sharing the apartment with my HUSBAND!

No joke, my thoughts had been "Dear God in Heaven, PLEASE don't let something happen to me!!!"

And I RAN into the clubhouse as soon as he left and I started the washer. But every resident has a key fob to get in. So I got Elysia (who was sleeping peacefully) off of the couch, and we are now locked in the business center waiting for the clothes to be done . And thank HEAVEN she is sleeping peacefully still!

What I'd do different

I have it. Here's what I would change if I could:

Pan back to 2001. Fresh out of Basic, I set my sights on staying in a shape that is NOT round, and focus on getting ahead rather than dating. David comes home, we have a Temple wedding off the bat. Then David goes Active duty. We get pregnant with Elizabeth, and I get out THEN....

*sigh* if only ;-)

Ok I'm NOT as stupid as you're betting I am!

I don't know if it's because I struggle with day to day activities, because I appear ditsy/clumsy, or what. But I think people usually mistake me for a push over. If there is ONE thing I'm not, that would be it!

GORGEOUS!

A Friend of mine took this picture. I loved it so much, I asked her if I could have it!

Gratitude: Day 11

I am grateful for clean Hot water ANY time I want it.... usually :-)

Today

I lost a bit MORE respect for someone I used to adore.

I got a GREAT haircut.

I realized what a good MOM I really am :-)

I got to help a friend!

I am a Veteran

I am a Veteran. A Veteran is someone, who at one point in their life, wrote a blank check payable to the United States of America for an amount up to, and including, their life. Regardless of personal political views, that is an honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer remember that fact.

My Passion: Contest

My Passion: Contest: "This is our mini Toy box. Secure your most intimate treasures in this cute little pleasure chest. Small, but functional.Features beautiful ..."

Crush

Ahh, crush, ahhh

I see ya blowin' me a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist
To understand what's going on baby
If you see something in my eye
Let's not over analyze
Don't go too deep with it baby

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll play loose
Run like we have a day with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

It's raising my adrenaline
You're banging on a heart of tin
Please don't make too much of it baby
You say the word "forevermore"
That's not what I'm looking for
All I can commit to is "maybe"

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll pay loose
Run like we have a day with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

Vanilla skies (vanilla skies)
White picket fences in your eyes
A vision of you and me

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing
Not like everything I do
Depends on you

*****************************************************

And NO, I don't have a crush on anyone..... except Gerard Butler and My Hubby. Just likin' the song

Gratitude: Day10

I am grateful David has 2 jobs to get us through the Holidays, and life right now!

Gratitude:Day 9

I am grateful for my big green water jug and the fact that I have a choice to fill it or keep it empty whenever I choose!

SO Good!

In happy moments, praise God.

In difficult moments, seek God.

In quiet moments, worship God.

In painful moments, trust God.

And in every moment, thank God.

I'm going back to public, sorry for any whiplash!

I will not live in fear. I will not be intimidated. I will not be bullied. I have nothing to hide. I was private long enough that I believe that much of the negativity and hype have had a chance to die down from what I will from here on out refer to as the "Blog War."

xoxoxox Everyone. Have a POSITIVE month full of gratitude! I for one have a TON to be grateful for and positive about!

Finding 28 things to express gratitude for will only be hard because of the SMALL number. I personally have MILLIONS of things to rejoice over!

Gratitude: Day 8

I am REALLY Grateful for the Spiritual uplift I got this weekend! As the scriptures say "Ask and ye shall receive." I asked to be spiritually refueled, and got a HUGE dose of what I needed! It's hard to go back to "real life" after my much needed break. Let me say that I am SOOOO grateful for the ability to go to the Temple. And brushing shoulders with Elder Oaks..... that Man radiates power and authority!

Gratitude: Day 6 and 7

Since I've been away, I am 2 days behind which is good because that means I can post 2 things at once. I am Grateful for my AMAZING MOM, and David's WONDERFUL PARENTS! I am so blessed to have them!!!! WE are sooo blessed to have them!

Gratitude: Day 5

I am Grateful for a Husband who I am in love with today more than I was 9 years ago!

Miguided Angel

Misguided Angel by Melissa de la Cruz

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

More, more, more

View all my reviews

Gratitude: Day 4

I am Grateful to have my Children all with me.

Gratitude: Day 3

I am grateful for four children who are all sweet as can be and different from each other! Each one brings such a fresh approach to life!

Gratitude: Day 2

I am grateful for a warm place to call home!

Aftermaths can be ugly

My immune system is SHOT! Between Heidi's post and the whole miscarriage thing, I'm completely catatonic. I meant nothing harmful when I blogged the other day. And it was blown so completely out of proportion.

She complains that I'm a "Hater" but she spends the ENTIRE blog showing me exactly what a Hater looks like.

I'm hoping to get to the Temple Sat, and get some relief from everything!

Gratitude: Day 1

I am grateful for the blessings that pop up in my life when I am having a hard time being grateful

Violated

This is why my blog is now VERY private! The Post is the one with "F***ing" in it

Theatricality

After my day of posts yesterday.... which I actually didn't expect anyone to read.... I thought I needed to blog some more.

You see, there was a part in one of my posts where I called my Ex a "Slut." Now the ONLY reason that word even came to mind was because the quote from Glee was in my head where Emma says "You're a Slut, Will..." So, that came from that.

And my need to "beat a dead horse"... It's not enough that I killed it, I have to make sure it's done and gone! Or in other words, "It's not enough to douse yourselves with gasoline, you have to light yourselves on fire....", well, I am nothing if not thorough.

But you see, there is that theatricality behind it all.

Not that I need attention.... I admit that I used to, but that has toned down. More than I need the attention now, I need the expression. I need to express myself till every drop is squeezed out before I'm satisfied.

So, though I prolly Pissed a few people off with my posts yesterday, and others got a bit of a slap in the face or their feelings hurt.... that's not what my posts were about. They were about a flood of feelings, and the need to squeeze every last drop of emotion on the topic into my post because THEN and only then do I feel relief. It's about the theatricality.

Here's the thing: Words themselves are theatrical for me. Life is theatrical for me.

Because theatricality is not about simply performing. EVERY word has more than a 1 dimensional meaning. Life is not 1 dimensional. And that's where I get into trouble.

VERY few people I know have the ability to see past that first dimension of the word and they find that first dimension offensive. Whereas the 2nd, and 3rd may not be.

Take what I said in one of my posts: "She's STUPID!" Is not a nice thing to say 1 dimensional. But 2nd dimensional, it's not quite as bad. She's not stupid in the sense that she in unintelligent, or less of a person. But she has the power in her hands to change the things she doesn't like, or go after the things she needs, and yet she mourns the things she "wants" but doesn't have, and doesn't see the bigger picture.... meanwhile, what if the answer's just past the haze of self actualization of her fears. She is so focused on the problem that the solution eludes her. Making her "Stupid."

Then there is the fact that I play on words and situations almost constantly.

For example: Yesterday I took David his clothes and as I was entering the room he was in, I told him something and he stared at me blankly. So, I spoke loudly, clearly and like he was an idiot... or a "Foreign Exchange student named Sunshine....." And at the end of what I had to tell him, I finished with "Glee Club is Fun. Swaying in the background can be fun..... You like me very much!" When you're in on it, it's fun. When you're outside looking in, I sound like a JERK!

And that was actually one thing that David and I struggled with before. He didn't realize that even when things were tense I was usually being theatrical vs serious. I might say something that fit our situation but was a quote from something else. Then HE would respond harshly, and by the time I could explain what I had meant by it, we'd be fighting.

So stop doing it, you say?

Well, my mind doesn't work quite like that.

But now that we have worked through that, we actually have fun with it.

My mind races a million miles a second, but I can't always pull the the information I NEED from it at the moment I need it, so I say what comes to mind.

Clear as mud?

Basically, I am in capable of thinking in the box or on a 1 dimensional level. I've seen outside of the box, and can't pretend that there isn't more out there. I've seen the other dimensions to things and can't view them as flat anymore.... "What's the next step?"

With him, it's always: "Sophie, what's the next step?"

Another thing I've realized is that life is really a stage production. Therefore, by definition, life IS Theatrical.

We choreograph our days, dance around situations and people, and break into song (arguments, love making, you name it) randomly throughout. If you look at it that way, I would dare say it's MUCH easier to take things in stride.

SOOOO, here's to being theatrical. May it carry you through the days of your life.

It's what keeps me going.

Time

‎"It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree.The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons. But it is never gone." ~ Rose Kennedy.

It FINALLY CLICKED

I'm done with my tirade from earlier over my Ex.

But I realized something after some time had passed between my initial frustration and now.

The TITLE of his Ex's Blog Post.

I'm pretty sure that's what got under my skin, and I didn't realize it.

You see, on top of EVERYTHING, the title was the title of a song. Not just ANY song. A song I am VERY passionate about. And that song just happens to be His and My "Song" from when the whole "baby" scenario was taking place.

I had always thought "Our Song" was "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers. And then, 4 years later, when we were on our 3rd try, he told me that he had always considered "I would do anything for Love" By Meatloaf Our song.

You have to realize exactly how Surreal that whole segment of my life was. And know that I took a job 3000 miles away, and moved JUST TO GET AWAY from him. And even THAT didn't work like I'd hoped. Our "fling" lasted YEARS beyond that. And all the while "I would do anything for Love" was the background music.

That's why we're married

I just said something to Elysia at the exact same time David said the EXACT same thing.

Looks like we're blending just fine :-)

Meanwhile we had a misunderstanding earlier where I thought he was "lolly gagging" in Rachael's office when he was supposed to be asking her a simple question then be on his way home. And when we talked 1/2 hour later, he was on his way home, but had NOT asked her the question even though he'd spent 1/2 hour BS ing with her.

He took longer than normal getting home, which only fanned the fire. Add that to a BAD day, and I was PISSED off when he got to the door with..... a Slushee for me.... SCORE ONE for HIM! He then went to the Grocery store and returned with 3 cans of a specific hot chocolate that we have been searching for over several weeks with no luck...... SCORE TEN for HIM! Boy was he digging himself OUT QUICK!

Finally, I discovered that he was only in Rachael's office for about 5 min, and misunderstood what it was I needed him to find out.

So, back to marital bliss :-)

The Dream that started it all

When I was 19, I had a dream about the boy I was currently dating. In it, I was in the Jordan River Temple which at the time was just blocks from my home.

I was inside the Temple, and he was outside at the door trying to get in....which he couldn't because he didn't have a recommend ( a piece of paper from a Mormon Bishop which allows entry to any of the LDS Temples).

I went out to get him, and couldn't get back in.

What a premonition this turned out to be. I thought being in a relationship with him was the right thing and would "save" him from his rebelliousness. Not only was I WRONG but the damage the relationship did to me has been long lasting!

This is the message I want to portray this Holiday season

Feelings

My First Love is the guy who I "went out" with when I was 14. The Guy who broke my heart 3 weeks later. The guy who 2 years later came to the rescue when my heart got broken again, and then 3 months later.... yes, once again BROKE MY HEART. 2 years after THAT, he was the guy that I fell so head over heels for AGAIN that I threw away my entire core value system, and have been struggling to regain it ever since. This is the guy who because of our relationship, I experienced my first miscarriage at 19. Who I completely expected to be married to before I was 20. He was the guy who I gave up even TALKING to other guys for fear that he would get wind of it, think I was cheating, and break up with me. He is the guy I RAN away across the country from to try to regain who I was trying to become. The guy who I couldn't stay away from when I came back 18 months later, and had a torrid relationship with while his Girlfriend was waiting for him 2 blocks away. The guy I drunk called while I was in AIT. The guy who wouldn't invite me to his wedding. The guy who's house I moved into when I got home from AIT. The guy who I called one night when David was in a tirade. The guy I called when I needed to leave David and couldn't. The guy who blames me for his divorce. The guy who if it weren't for all of the years of being in this cycle with I would have never gotten to know David. The guy David hates almost as much as he hates Jared. The guy I went to when I was engaged to David a 2nd time to sort it all out.

He's VERY intelligent yet in 32 years has never found a way to use it wisely. He's addictive. He's absolute POISON to my Spiritual well being. He's my confidant of the past. But the person I couldn't even TELL I was pregnant until a year after the miscarriage.

Whew. I feel so much better.

Now we're on to his EXs. One is my Sister in law. AGH! I won't even go there!!!!!!! I love her and her family Dearly. So that is better left alone. It's been dealt with.

Then there is this ONE EX of his. She has never really been my Friend. We have circled around each other since elementary school but never cared much for one another. She has been interested in the guy I mentioned above for MANY years. They were together when David and I were divorced, and that's the closest we've ever come to being Friends. Then, I invited her to Jacob's Baby Blessing. Instead of telling me she didn't want to come, she kept deleting the invite so I thought she hadn't gotten one, and invited her 3 times before I caught on. It made me feel like an idiot, and I did NOT appreciate it. That was the end of our almost Friendship. Since then, I decided (after reading about what's been going on in her life) that I should make an effort to be her Friend. She seems like she could use a support system. I messaged her exactly that (because I know just important good Friends to lean on and support you are) and got shut down FLAT! She again said things that made me feel like a complete loser.

I read ALL the time about how sad she is that after her failed marriage of 10 years, she can't find a guy to spend the rest of her life with.

She wishes she had more people in her life to be her support system.

BAH!

SO after this post of his, this guy gets TWO comments. One from her, and one from his ex that he broke my heart for the first time who was one of my best Friends. Boy is his grip long lasting because here I am blogging about him!

Whine whine whine

I'm so fascinated by people. Is common sense really so uncommon! It seems to be getting less and less "normal" for people to have some.

One thing I'm trying to work through is the people I "interact" with weekly or daily and how frustrated I am with some of the stuff that goes on.

I'm sick of people who make others feel like less.

I'm sick of people who whine about something, but refuse to do anything about it.

I'm sick of people who call themselves "Friends" but wouldn't even come to my or invite me to their parties.

That's not Friendship.

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I'm sooooooooo sick of the stuff that everyone else seems to feed off of!

I LOVE my Life. I LOVE my Family. I have so much to be grateful for.

"Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride

Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no
I got to keep on movin'
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin' "

Family

I love my "Little" Family! ;-) They are truly a blessing!

Friends

I have some really OUTSTANDING Friends. And I have some REALLY CRAPPY Friends!

Thank you For WONDERFUL People!

Heather, Janelle, Al, Mike, Britt, Marci, Nicole, ChrisCoaster ;-), April, Kiera, Amberleah, Karie, Genelle, Kristi, Kirsten, Jen, Maria, Kelly, Melissa, Cassandra, Chas, Ambir, LuAnn, Donette, Adam, Miriam, Anna Beth, Suzy, Mandi, Becky, Anna, Susan, Amanda, Laurie, Wendy, Amanda, Rachel, Deb, Chastity, Steph, Amber, Shannon, Michele, Kerry, Deborah, Liz, Grandma Betts, Kalolaine, Heather, Alex, Cathy, Kristy, Suzanne, Shona, Wendie, Rachael, Diane, Josh and My WONDERFUL Hubby, Mom and Kids... Thank you so much for making my day!!!!!

SURPRISE

Most people are ECSTATIC at getting a dog for their Birthday! Well, Happy Birthday to me ;-) I'm surprisingly giddy.

Yes, it looks as though we just got ourselves a dog. She is the SWEETEST ball of fur in the world.

We've spent almost 24 hours going through all of the reasons to keep her and all of the reasons not to. And well, it looks like the pros outweigh the cons.

I was up ALL night last night worried about the ball of fur sleeping next to me in one of my laundry baskets. And she did FINE.

*Sigh*

Welcome CC (Candy Corn) to our Family.

Having a hard time

I want to take a night and be alone. Just me. I miscarried last week. And I had to internalize it a lot because life had to go on. And I didn't have the right circumstances to talk to David about it. I really would love 24 hours in a hotel BY MY SELF!

Christmas Cards

I've finished our Christmas Cards, and I think I am quite pleased :-)

Bring On the Rain

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead


I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight


Bring on, bring on, the rain

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight

Bring on, bring on, the rain

Gratitude

This is an unbelievably hard post for me right now. I feel like so much is going wrong. So, here is what I have to be grateful for right now:

I have four AMAZING Children who despite my lack of perfection and sometimes making HUGE errors as a parent, are healthy and SWEET as PIE!

I KNOW who I am, and that God loves me.

I have a husband who despite occasional psychotic tirades, comes home every night and makes it possible for us to live and for me to get out with the Girls and have "parties" regularly.

I have a van that works alright

I have stuff to clutter my home.

I have a home to decorate and fill with clutter.

I have food in my cupboards, fridge and basement.

That's what I have time for and the tears are drying. So....

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Out the window for some of the people I know and "care" about. It's just gone. While I have gained new love and respect for others. But yup! I think it's just gone for some. And it has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING other than how they treat other people.

Doesn't have to do with lifestyle choices, religion, their children.... They just are to clickish and only treat certain people with what I would call consideration or kindness.

No, they're not rude. They're just to discriminating. They won't be rude to your face. The silent blow comes later.

PS

I should make a flag that says "I support Captain Moroni" ;-)

The Aftermath of Pres Packer's talk

Be Prepared! The fact that there has been so much controversy over this talk means ONE thing. Boy are we in for a fight!

There's no backing down from here. You're on one side or the other, and you had better know now which one it is!

Supporters on both sides will be making themselves known VERY quickly.

Passion Parties, Pres. Packer, and my Life's Mission

Many have heard of Pres. Boyd K Packer's (Quorum of the 12 Apostles of the LDS Church) talk last Sunday. All I have to say to his talk is AMEN! He is a powerful Speaker and is OFTEN attacked by specifically the Gay/Lesbian community for his assertiveness on speaking out against immorality. However, “What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” (D&C 1:38.) Therefore, he stands by what he has said since “We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands, by those who are in authority to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.” (A of F 1:5.) And this is how Pres Packer has been ordained thereby becoming one of God's servants who may speak for Him.

Here is Another AWESOME talk .....

Anyway, I think that those who are living contrary to God's Laws always take offense when someone hints that what they are choosing is "wrong":

1 Nephi 16:2-3

2 And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken (a) hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the (b) guilty taketh the (c) truth to be hard, for it (d) cutteth them to the very center.
3 And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might (a) walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us.

I thought this passage of scripture was great timing! This past weekend, I was able to hear the words of our Prophets and Apostles at all 4 sessions of General Conference. I found myself humbled during many of the talks as I was taught of Christ's atonement and finding peace & happiness during my trials. I plan to work on my temple attendance and not complaining when it gets tough. Both of these I'm sure will prove to be difficult, but I am up for the challenge and hope to gain more faith as I strive to become more like Him.

What led up to these verses? What are the hard things spoken of?
After Lehi taught his family about the olive tree and tree of life, Nephi inquired of the Lord. Being grieved because of what he had seen, he talked with his brethern, Laman and Lamuel. Nephi spoke of the symbolism of between the olive tree and the House of Israel, as well as the tree of life.

A cross reference of the word "guilty" states this:
John 3: 20 (19-21).
20 For every one that doeth (a) evil (b) hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.

And a cross reference of the word "truth" states:
Prov. 15: 10.
10 (a) Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth (b) reproof shall (c) die.

"These references remind me of a talk from General Conference (I don't remember who). He said to learn from the past or go through it yourself. We have been given the scriptures as a tool to guide our lives. The pride cycle is a reoccuring theme in the scriptures and still happens today. If we do not strive to humbly keep the commandments, we will fall into the same awful traps of sin to truth that makes them feel guilty for their choices."

Anyhow, this is how I feel about what Pres Packer has said and how people in the "other" communities are reacting to it.

Bringing me on to the topic of Passion Parties.

I was talking with Genelle yesterday on the way home from my party in Roy, UT which didn't bring the monetary profit I was hoping for. We were discussing what I consider success in my business, and I told her that I consider it a success any time I can get anyone to think outside the box. And it's true.

I didn't join Passion Parties to make money per se. I did it because I believe in the need for many people to get outside of their "Box" or "Bubble" and give "different" a chance.

You don't have to swing from "moral" to "immoral" but that's just it: Besides what I said above, what exactly is appropriate or inappropriate? The LDS Church teaches of fidelity, and appropriate intimate activities between Husband and Wife. The Proclamation on the Family defines what "Mormons" believe in terms of Family and Marriage.

However, I believe that many are uninformed on what is acceptable in the privacy of their bedroom and what is not.

There is NOTHING that speaks against Husband and Wife enjoying themselves in a mutually satisfying environment. You can use candles, massage, and yes, even sex toys if that is what you choose TOGETHER. I have my other blog for my soap box on this topic, and don't want to go into it much more on this one.

What I am simply trying to say here is that my goal with Passion Parties is not to sell sex toys. It's to help people be comfortable with thinking outside the box, being open minded, and not closing themselves off to the things they don't understand. Ignorance breeds fear. Fear breeds panic. Panic leads to forgetting our humanity. There are things out there that are without question immoral and wrong. Being open minded and thinking outside of the box does NOT mean opening yourself to immorality. It simply means educating yourself and making informed decisions.

It's like dieting. If you are too restrictive, you are likely to eventually indulge beyond healthy limits when you can't take the restrictions anymore. However, if you educate yourself about the spiritually/emotionally nutritional elements of different indulgences and let yourself have a lesser of the evils "treat" once in a while, you are less likely to rebel and engage in destructive indulgences.

I see myself struggling to find more than one word to describe what I am trying to say now, which means it's time to end this particular post. I hope you see and understand where I am going with this.

And keep it up Pres. Packer!!! We ♥ you!

Empathy

* The intellectual identification of the thoughts, feelings, or state of another person; capacity to understand another person's point of view or the result of such understanding.

* The feeling or capacity for awareness, understanding, and sensitivity one experiences when hearing or reading of some event or activity of others, thus imagining the same sensations as that of those actually experiencing them.

* Ability to emotionally relate to another individual's emotional state.

* The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

Plugging along

I know it makes me seem bi polar. But these are the ups and downs of life.

I try and try to sort things out, but in the end not much really develops into anything it hasn't before.

Because the facts are these: A) David and I need to stay together and raise our family. B) I need to be home with my Children. C) Life is HARD. And D) You just have to keep plugging away.

The definition of a failure is not the person who gets knocked down over and over again. It's the person who doesn't get back up and give it more effort than before. It's not the person who sails through life unscathed... It's the person with battle scars, who has been beaten over and over and still fights with every breath for success that wins!

It's the person who can put their foot in their mouth and make mistakes, and can still look you in the eyes and say they were wrong who is successful at life.

Let it go

"Hate, resentment and anger are parasites that feed off the heart until there's nothing left for love to live on."

I'm trying!