Babies and sleep

A Friend of mine on FB today asked about letting her new Baby sleep on his belly.

After my own experiences and the bulk of the advice I saw on her post, I truly think it's natural for babies, and they will do just fine 9 1/2 out of 10 times.

NOW, if you decide to let your baby sleep on their tummy and something goes wrong, don't even THINK about blaming it on me. I am not a Dr. Nor a Scientist. I AM however a seasoned Mother of 4. And all 4 of mine slept on their bellies.

They were terribly difficult to get to stay asleep any other way. They were used to having something solid under them in the womb, and felt exposed on their backs. (Not that I can read their minds, but it's a logical enough theory in my opinion.)

Yeah, I'm bringing it up!

Sex. What is it about that 3 letter word? The most primitive of beings is more than capable of it. The Gods sanction it. It is the greatest blessing and the greatest curse.

Do you ever look at someone with kids, or who is pregnant and think "I TOTALLY CANNOT picture them having sex!"

It fascinates me. Sex is everywhere, yet secret. I seriously think it wasn't until Jacob was born that my Mom acknowledged that I was sexually active.

Speaking of which, I LOVE the part in the movie "Juno" where they talk about what it means to be "Sexually Active."

I've been having sex off and on for .... holy cow, like 13 years now. Eh. It has lost a lot of its charm, I have to say. But still, sometimes it's just what the Dr. ordered. And, well, besides the 4 children I already have, I not only want more... and there is only ONE way that I am going to try to accomplish that ;-)... but even if I didn't want more, I don't plan to abstain in any long term way. I mean I AM married.

The ONLY time I have done that (in the past 8 years) was the 3 months David and I were divorced. I think that really surprised our Bishop. Not because we're rule breakers..... oh ok, maybe once in a while ;-)... but because we were living under the same roof and already had that history. But we excelled at being "good" for those months that we were not married.

Anyhow, it's after 3 am, so typing anything publicly viewable is prolly NOT a good idea. G'night all.

Quote

I read a quote yesterday that said "If you never apologize to your Children, you're a monster. If you're ALWAYS apologizing to your Children, THEY are monsters" :-D I thought it was funny!

D-O-N-E

There is a person here who EVERYONE hates. She has ruined sooo many friendships that no one wants anything to do with her. And I have given her chance after chance. I have put better and more important friendships on the line to be her friend. I have rushed to her aid when she needed something or someone.

I AM DONE!!!!

She lies! And she turns on people to get what she wants. I ADORE her children. My Kids LOVE her oldest.

DONE I tell you! I'm D-O-N-E. And I am NOT going back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas early... FINISHED

The book I have made for My MIL needed some tweeking. But it's done now and I am publishing it today! Here is a preview of the finished product.

My latest project

Here's one I've been working on and finally figured out what I needed to do to finish :-)

Rene Takes the Cake Halloween contest

Another crafty site I have been following, Rene Takes the Cake is having a contest to win some SUPER cute Halloween Print ables. SO much fun for my FAVORITE holiday!

Dreaming Again

My dreaming has kicked into hyper drive again and I am EXHAUSTED. My dreams are so intense that sleep for me is just as tiring as being awake. I need a nap to recover from sleep.

UGH.

Church stuff

Ok, so I may not always be the BEST "Mormon" but I AM still "Mormon."

And I hate being out of the loop.

The "system" is set up so that everyone is supposed to be aware of opportunities to participate. SO, we have a pyramid type of organization. The Bishop tells the Elders Quorum and Relief Society Presidents, who pass it down to the Quorums/Home and Visiting Teachers, who then make sure the general membership is made aware.

Boy am I sick of being in wards where that system completely breaks down and you only know what's going on if you are part of the "In Crowd" ...which being Bi-"racial" on the topic of religion, I am not.

Blah Blah Blah.

Our Primary President says "Call if your child needs a ride to Primary or to any of the activities ...we would be happy to give them a ride. " I say "Hello, Primary President. Elizabeth is going to be 8 in the Spring, and I would like her to have as much exposure to what's going to happen when she's 8 as possible so she's ready to be baptized. However, I am without a car today, and she has been invited to --------'s Baptism. Are you going? You are! Great. Could she go with you?" The response is "Um........ ok, I guess....."

I then see that the yearly Women's Broadcast which is usually preceded by a dinner is tonight..... where did I learn this? Facebook of course. Because I missed Stake Conference last week, and David doesn't pay attention to things like that, I had missed the "Memo." Where are my Visiting Teachers who are supposed to make sure the women they visit know about these things?

UGH!

Maybe if ANYONE cared to invite me, I'd be more involved.

FORTUNATELY, I get mySELF involved or I'd just plain go inactive by their standards. But I believe the things that I have been taught too strongly to give up that easily. Who'd have guessed, right?

♪ Come What May ♪

♫ Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day ♫

A sense of humor PLEASE!

Some people go through life completely VOID of a sense of humor.... or being able to laugh at themselves.

I feel AMAZINGLY sorry for these people!

I guess I have just had to live my life laughing at myself.... Lord KNOWS I have enough mishaps, dramatic moments, etc that I had better have a sense of humor!

I can't even IMAGINE where I would be without it. I would be MISERABLE if I couldn't see something funny in the tragedy that my life clings to.

Fortunately, I am one who can also see the silver lining in almost every situation.

I was really proud of myself the other day when David said "don't worry about _____" and completely at odds with what I usually do, I just didn't worry... and not only did it turn out fine, but I felt so much LESS stressed out in the interim.

"Family" seems to be an objective term now days

David is in Salt Lake. I don't know if it matters to anyone there except Chris. I mean, his Parents will see him because he's staying there. But no one else is going to stop by to say "Hello." I know that we see people there every few months. That's the point. People who make a big deal about how Family is more important than anything only care to see each other 3 or 4 times a year.

Then there's MY Family. My Mom is different. We see each other every chance we get... but we also talk several times a week.

We came to Salt Lake a couple of weeks ago and made a huge effort to make it to a Baby Blessing that we were not even invited to originally, and I don't think it mattered to my Aunt's Family.... who I used to be pretty close to.

My Uncle's Family, who I am not even technically related to.... and even my cousin's Wife's Family seemed to care more than my own relatives did.

I know I always whine about this topic. I just grew up with a COMPLETELY different idea of what Family was. And this isn't it.

Combining Airports and Passion.... anyone else would prolly be embarrassed

OK sooooo

David flew to Salt Lake this afternoon to attend a KISS Concert. He flew because it was free (he had a voucher).

I had a Passion Parties order that needed to go to Salt Lake. Therefore I separated everything into sacks so he wouldn't have to figure out who got what. And packed the only suitcase I had easily available (Strawberry Shortcake, of COURSE) with the sacks. I then was advised by Ginger and Amanda that I absolutely COULD NOT do that (send him with a SS suitcase full of sex toys and lotions to be searched by security) to my Poor Husband.... and they had a good point.

David however was "fine" (his words) with it. So, I bought a good TSA approved lock, and took him along with his Carry on and the SS suitcase (which we knew would have to be checked due to it's large amount of fluid contents) to the RS Airport. And we got there too late to check the suitcase.

So, he called me to come into the airport and yes, the TSA People (with rubber gloves, thank HEAVEN) very considerately opened the suitcase and went through the items to see what could go and what had to stay. Let me reiterate that they were GREAT! They didn't open ANY of the packages, just the sacks, and let EVERYTHING that was not liquid, gel, or aerosol go into David 's backpack, and then gave me the rest... along with the suitcase :-) They told us that if it had been checked, it wouldn't have been an issue. They didn't seem to think ANYTHING about the SS suitcase (whew ;-) but did get a kick out of the fact that it was all Passion Parties items (we offered them a catalog ;-)

Oh, did I mention that the RS Airport is TINY? There was ONE line for security which consisted of 2 TSA agents and 1 Police Officer. All 3 seemed amused at the contents of the suitcase. But again were AWESOME about it.

Meanwhile, the 2 Prop Plane idled just out the back door, and David and his backpack had to walk out on the tarmac to climb aboard with the other TWO passengers. (in the time it took them to scan and remove all of the stuff, I'll BET they could have thrown the suitcase into the cargo hold of the plane)

I had to leave the kids in the van, and the Poor Things thought I was leaving on a plane too. I had to explain that I'd be just a couple of minutes.... but when I got back, Jacob was adamant about me not doing ANYTHING that appeared as though I was doing anything BUT driving them AND myself away from the Airport.

Sooo, that was our adventure today.

Merry Christmas... Early!!!

I made this for my MIL for Christmas... Enjoy the spoiler :-)

Dear X x

I just needed to write and tell you that I want to scream at you and tell you how much I don't appreciate the way you are at times.

I hate your passive/agressive ways. I hate how they affect my family. I hate the way David reacts to it. I have an easier time ignoring it.... believe it or not... than he does, though you will hear more about it from me than you will him.

I hate that you pop in and out of our lives. I hate that whether or not you are an active part of our lives is so important to me. I hate that it's ME who cares. And I am the one you keep your distance from the most. You'll never realize, will you, that I am the one who keeps up with what's going on in your life. The others just go about their business whether you're around or not.

I hate that you make ZERO effort to see us, and then lament not getting to see us when we've just left town.

I HATE that you matter. Some days I REALLY wish you were easier to remove from our lives.

Sincerely,

ME

Pissing and Moaning

That's the mood I'm in today. Sleep was hard to find, and I am awake a LOT earlier than I would choose.

I'm trying amazingly hard not to gripe about people who BLOW my mind. There are family members who never cease to amaze in both good and bad ways. But if we ever have a Baby Girl again, Rachel is on the list of names. I know only one that I've ever disliked, and the ones I currently know are really great people. Rachel, my Sister-in-law, always puts things into perspective!

Jacob always stands up too close to the edge of the stairs, and this morning as I was using the bathroom, he tumbled down AGAIN!

The water bill is due today, and David forgot to mention it until I asked at 3 am this morning. Now I get to attempt to not stress over it, while he acts like it's nothing of any consequence.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!

Philadelphia and Life Choices

David and I just watched the movie "Philadelphia" with Tom Hanks. Movies that I have seen as a Teen/Young Adult have a totally different impact now that I am a Parent. Watching Philadelphia reiterates how much I just want My Children to be safe. I have said before that while the idea of My Girls coming home and telling me as a Teen that they are pregnant is not pleasant, it's not pregnancy that I worry about, it's them being unsafe and through one moment of recklessness, catching a life altering illness and paying for it with their life. Fortunately, the methods that prevent such disease also prevent unwanted pregnancy.

I look back at my life choices, and there are some that were just so needlessly stupid, and even reckless. And all of them have affected the opportunities I've had and the way my life has ultimately turned out. And for this reason, I wouldn't change them Per Se. I would however prefer the easier way to the end result by way of making wiser decisions. But "C'est la vie, Ainsi va la vie."

I have come to realize that some of our best decisions, and the ones that matter most, are often ones so impactual that we question them EVERY day. I questioned the choice to not marry a certain young man for years. Questioned my choice to marry David. To Divorce David. To Remarry David. To have my 4 children.... to or to not have more. And the final decisions in all that I have seen some sort of end result, I have to say were the right decision. But I question them still because the effects are that life changing.

I am grateful for the influence of God in my life. I am grateful for the faith I have that has helped me to persevere despite my questioning. I am grateful for the choice I made to be with David.... and to divorce him... then to be with him again.

I am grateful for every Baby I have, and do NOT feel that I am done. Therefore, I am grateful that both David and I are willing to NOT put a period where The Lord seems to have just put a comma.

I seriously hope that I will be able to instill in My Children the need to be safe... above all. I pray for their safety through the tough decisions they will make. And I pray that in the end, they will be as satisfied as I am with the end result.

Record

So today is a record day for sucking!

I had plans for the day. I was going to have my house spotless by 6 pm, children happy and ready for bed. And then I was going to Stake Conference. After that I was having some Friends over for a Girls Night.

BOMB!!!!!!!!!!

I even planned it on a NON payday weekend so that one Friend who will be gone later in the month could attend.

It STILL BOMBED. As in NO ONE showed up.

And to top it off, David didn't seem happy with ANYTHING I did.

He was yelling at me within a half hour of when we woke up, and again tonight when he came home to a SPOTLESS house... minus dishes in the sink.

Yeah, it sucked!!!!!!

Moving forward.... I HOPE

I don't like standing still for long.... especially when I know there is so much that needs to happen.

There have been things that have been dangling in front of me for a while now and it's been frustrating to see them and want them and not know why I can't have them.

And then, the realization came that it might be waiting on something that I was "refusing" to do. Not because I didn't want to do it, but because it's scary and takes a lot of faith right now. Ultimately it's something I WANT to do.... again, it's just scary at the moment. I've put it off for a few months. And I finally gave it a chance. So, we'll see. The nice thing is that now that I have taken that leap of faith, I don't feel that "Wrong Choice" foreboding.... so I must be right in the mentality that everything's been waiting on this.

Cake Pops

Oh My Yummmy! Whipperberry is giving away a book that tells you how to make these treats that look soooooo addictive and like a REALLY good idea for all kinds of occasions! My Favorites from what I've seen are the simple, yet classy Rose Buds.

My WORST fear

The other day (Sept 11th to be exact) David and I were talking. I had made it all day without getting too emotionally involved in the day. I mean, it was a TRAGEDY of epic proportions, but I was lucky enough to be 2000 miles away and NONE of my Family or Friends were directly affected by it.... except for those who were in the military and that was only through having to be deployed.... which still was HARD, but a different hard than dying or losing someone in the towers.

Any how....

When we sat down and were talking, he started telling me stories about things he'd seen on tv about that day. And they were detailed stories from people who were there .

TOO much!

Not because I can't handle it..... normally.

But because I take it in and personalize it.

What if there is a situation where MY CHILDREN are in a death trap like that?

That lead my thoughts to: What if we have a situation where I have to save My Children from a fire, or other life or death situation?

Then I start thinking: Maybe I shouldn't have another Baby because that means 1 more that I could lose track of, not be able to save in an emergency, or have in a death trap.

I am not a doomsday type.... normally. But I AM a "Be prepared for an emergency, Realist."

So, by the time the conversation was over, I was in tears.

My WORST fear is losing one of My PRECIOUS Children. I'm selfish when it comes to that. I know my heart would break so TOTALLY that recovering would be insanely impossible!

Beating myself up

A REALLY Good Friend of mine commented just now on not beating myself up about the things that happen to my Kids that are out of my control.

And something that brought up is that I DON'T beat myself up. Over ANYTHING. It's OTHERS who do that.

A HUGE portion of the things that cause me anxiety are OTHER peoples' reactions to things. I am surprisingly good at taking things in stride. But others seem to not only NOT be able to do that, but are good at interfering and projecting their issues on me.

For example: Jacob or one of My Girls are mis behaving, upset, or just making a lot of noise. I am happy to ignore the behavior or discipline the behavior if necessary, but others seem to get involved, and it alters the way I am able to deal with it.

Really?

I'm fascinated by people who's profile pictures are of xrays. Not Sonograms of their unborn child.... that's tender. But xrays of broken bones, screws in their bones, etc. SERIOUSLY! And the only 2 people I've known to do this are brother and sister.... hmmmm.

Rock Springs, WY..... I want to call you HOME! But I'll take Texas ;-)

HOLY COW! So, yesterday, the LAST 3 bedroom apartment at David's work got leased out. :-(

Also, I had a ton of running around to do yesterday. I had to take David back to work after he came at lunch time to get us. Then, case lot sale to shop, Primary Program Practice for all 3 girls at the EXACT same time as Dance Class for Elysia, and pick up David from work. While driving around, I noticed a flat tire noise coming from the front tire (when I checked, it wasn't flat). We went to Walmart after David got off work, and leaving there at 9:30 at night, David heard it and pulled over to check. He informed me that both front tires needed replacing IMMEDIATELY. We were both worried about making it all the way to GR and back the next morning to get them replaced. So, I was gearing up to fork out the $ for a hotel. David was able to take us to the Apartment Complex's Corporate Suite (one of their 2 bedroom apartments reserved for when the boss comes to town but can be used by the employees for various things) and we spent the night. I was TOTALLY spoiled by this. And decided that a 2 bedroom like the one we stayed in would be ok. (how often do you get to try out an apartment before you lease, right?) I just didn't want to have to commute between RS and GR anymore.

Well, Abby and Elysia slept in one bedroom, Elizabeth was supposed to sleep on the couch, Jacob on the floor, and David and I in the other bedroom.

Abby and Elysia went to sleep in "Their" room. And David went into the living room to get Jacob to sleep. He had been hinting all night about sleeping in the buff since we had few clean clothes with us. So, after showering, I decided to surprise him and sleep in panties and a t shirt (at walmart, I had bought a package of panties for "that time of the months" when garments alone aren't conducive) Well, David fell asleep with Jacob in the living room, and Elizabeth came and asked if she could sleep with me. I was too tired to put my clothes on (they were also the only thing I had to wear today) so, my "surprise" was wasted on my 7 year old Daughter.

This morning, David went to work, and I got the children ready for playgroup. I had bought some warmer clothes for Jacob and Elizabeth (they have very few being the oldest Girl and only Boy) but nothing for the other 2. So, Jacob and Elizabeth had new clothes for today, but the other 2 had to wear what they had been in since yesterday. On my way to Playgroup, I felt that I needed to just get right to walmart and get the tires taken care of. While at walmart, I looked down and saw that Jacob's hand was BURNED! On the back he had 2nd degree burns on 3 of his fingers!!!!! I can't even FATHOM how he got them. I'm panicking about that when my van is done, and we rushed straight back to the apartment complex to get David's opinion on what to do.

We ended up deciding to just put Neosporin on it, and keep an eye on it. He wasn't acting like it was bothering him, and it would prolly be more of a pain than anything to try and bandage it.

We talked to the Leasing Manager about leasing a 2 bedroom, and she told us that the Fire Marshall won't allow it because there are more than 4 of us. AGH!

SO, then we got the kids back up to the apartment and cleaned and washed linens (David wasn't very busy, so he was able to help). We watched TV till David got off work, and then went to Wingers to celebrate Candis' (the "Wife" of a Friend of David's from work who happens to be female) birthday. Now, we're FINALLY home.

Keeping it together

I've gotten so much better at this lately.

I don't know if we can visit Salt Lake anymore.

Our lives seem to have found a Rhythm that is working. David and I don't get angry with eachother like we used to.... except when we get back from Utah. Ugh. That is a BIG problem.

Luckily some of our very favorite people like Dan and Rachel, and My Mom seem to be willing to come to us a few times a year.

Last night was yucky. David just wanted to be angry.

But I kept it together for the most part. And when I didn't, the "damage" was moderate. (unlike the damage David TRIED to inflict on one of our dining room chairs)

The things that David said to me were horrible at times. Jared was mentioned. And apparently I keep a tube of Creamsicle in my glove box in case the opportunity arises to cheat. (NO I don't. It was there because a Friend wanted to see what it tasted in case she wanted to buy some) But I understood that he was angry and wasn't thinking before he spoke. Plus, where was there a need to be offended since there was ZERO truth to what he was saying.

I think the worst thing was being punished for things that happened days, weeks, months, even years ago. :-(

But let me just say that my Faith in a God was definitely reaffirmed. Just when my heart was REALLY hurting, David seemed to be done. And My Mom has really been a blessing.... as always :-)

The Way it Goes

It's after midnight. Of COURSE it is! And I still have so much to do. Everyone is finally asleep. I finally got to shower. And I'm regretting eating the chips and dip I had about 2 hours ago.

We had some good Friends over for dinner tonight. I gave her most of what I had left of my Baby Girl Clothes. She's having a Baby Girl in Dec. and since that's when both Elysia and Abby were born... it worked out perfectly.

I have so much going through my head.

Having another Baby. Or not.

David getting this job in Texas. Or not.

Losing weight. Or not.

Organizing. Or not.

Better get on it :-)