MY Country. MY home

“Your country is like your house; you expect visitors who come to your house to respect you and respect your rules, not the opposite. Visitors must appreciate your kindness and your generosity for receiving them into your home and not impose their own rules on you. This is your house, you own it, so you have the obligation to protect it and defend it.

“If the visitor doesn’t like your rules, all he has to do is to leave. Nobody obliged him to visit you, and nobody will prevent him from leaving. As he came to your house by his own choice, he can leave your house freely or by force, if required.”

PERFECTLY said!

Don't follow the rules?  NOT Welcome!

Happy Veterans Day 2015

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

The ongoing effort to shine: Habits of Happiness Day One

I purchased this book this weekend.  And tonight, we began reading it as a Family.

We will be learning about 6 or 7 of these habits over the next couple of weeks.

Tonight, we began learning about Habit # 1:  Do not focus on your weaknesses.

Instead, focus on your strengths.

Birthday Delivery (s)

This year,  for the first time in a few years, David picked out and planned to surprise me with a series of packages delivered to our home.

First,

A New Orleans Saints sleeved blanket. 

Followed by 

New Orleans Saints Beer glasses (which I've come to LOVE for entertaining)

Then

A New Orleans Saints straw dispenser already stocked with gold straws.

Finally,  

Cherry Lime and Blood Orange Italian Soda flavoring. :-D

My life changed today

I went to the Jordan River Temple today.  I've been going to various Temples for one reason or another my whole life. I've been doing Baptisms for the Dead since I was 12.  And have been able to do the "Full Service" work called a "Session" for almost 12 years now.

Deborah and Mark watched Jacob and Bella Thurs, yesterday and today for me.  And my mom watched my other Girls for the same amount of time.

So Thursday, I was able to go with my ward plus Becca Johnson, Rebecca and Bryon Carpenter.

Today, I was able to go with the Kropfs.... SERIOUSLY my VERY favorite people EVER!!!

And although EVERYTHING was exactly what I've seen and heard a thousand times, it was different.

***I*** was different. And my Soul was touched. And I understood on the deepest level who I am, why I am here, and who God is to me.

I can't help but wonder how different my life would have been if I had felt and understood the way I finally did today.

But, I KNOW God understands that I just. wasn't. ready.

I want to be better.  I want to be cleaner.  I want to be GOOD.  REALLY REALLY GOOD.

Because once.. a LONG time ago, My Older Brother, and Savior, Jesus Christ said, "It's ok. I'll fix it because I love you." <3 p="">

July 17th 2015

THE DAY OUR LIVES CHANGED FOREVER!

Let's start with the 16th.  I was spotting.  I've NEVER done that before during a pregnancy.  I felt like I was going to start my period.  I just wanted to curl up in bed. So I did.  I only had Elysia and Bella that night, so I pulled them into bed with me, rented a movie on demand and went to sleep. The morning of the 17th, I woke up and called David.  I told him I was spotting and he told me to call the DR as soon as they opened.  Which, I did.  They told me to come in at my earliest convenience.  

I got the girls up and we went and got David from the airport.  Then they dropped me off at the DR.  He told me there probably wasn't anything to worry about.  That a pocket of blood sometimes forms called a Subchorionic Hemorrhage. But that it's usually minimal and nothing threatening. He did a vaginal ultrasound and found that the hemorrhage had formed a clot that had separated the placenta from my uterus and cut of all nourishment to the baby. There was no longer a heart beat and not blood flow to the placenta or baby.

He offered to operate to remove the baby, or to give me medicine to help it get done faster.  I was holding on to some hope that it was a fluke and would be ok and told him I'd let it happen on it's own.

About 1 am on the 18th, I passed a mass about the size of my fist, and it was over.

We were heart broken.  David even had a rough time with it.  But it is what it is.  Baby Joey had a heart beat.  And we love him.  But The Lord knows what he's doing.

In the mean time, after the Dr, we met Jake and Tiffany over at their house, so we could go sign the papers to make it OUR house.

3900 sq ft. 1/2 acre of land.  All ours!!!

Back again

WOW! SO much has happened.  We got our house.  Not the one we built.  But one that is so much better for us. I lost the baby we were expecting just over 1 month ago. And I had a life changing trip to Las Vegas.... I have had so much running through my head.  I hope I can organize (remember) it well enough to make it into posts.

I promise logic

I've been thinking and thinking.... with my ASD characteristics, I over think A LOT. But it's because I can't leave the equation incomplete. Enter the "Who's On First" scene from Rain Man.  It's an incomplete equation.  And he can't leave it incomplete.

SO, anyway.  The thing I've rolled over and over in my head is my NEED for no shoes to be worn in my home.  And this is what I've come to:

I have seen enough scientific proof that wearing shoes in the house defeats my goals.  In can actually pull up articles that support it.  Therefore, my battle is finished.  I can now simply say "No shoes."  And if you want to argue, I'll give you a link to take it up with.

The thing here is actually NOT the shoe issue.  It's that logic has become a less than normal defense.  When it should be the FIRST defense.

Almost EVERY one looks at my reactions as emotional reactions.  But I'm actually NOT a highly emotional person. (I have proof of THAT too).  I'm a logical reactor.  When it goes against logic, I get offended.  Every one is hung up on the idea that I get offended when my "feeling" are hurt.

If  you saw someone on the sidewalk with no legs, you would not expect them to walk around.  So it should not be expected for a non emotionally rationalizing person to think with their emotions. 

ASD is not as obvious as missing legs. But it DOES mean that the person accomplishes their goal differently than NON ASD people.  Just like someone without legs has to go about their goals differently than someone with legs.

Fight all you want. You CANNOT force what is not possible.  You cannot MAKE a brain work differently than it is wired.

So the next time you think something I say is unfair, or demanding, or makes no sense, look at it logically not emotionally.

Is it LOGICAL that I, not you dictate the rules in my home?
I'm not demanding respect as much as the logic that I deserve the respect in my home.

It's logical that I, not you clean my house.  Is it logical that I dictate how much mess I have to clean in my home?  Emotion says "Be kind above all else."  Logic says " Of COURSE it's reasonable that I make the rules in my home."

If you keep trying to get me to respond according to the emotional "Right", you will continue to get a fight out of me because I CANNOT, and DO NOT work that way.

What's my problem

You've read over and over my complaints about my Husband's family....specifically the way things are with his youngest brother.

It's NOT his choices that bother me.  I don't care that he had tattoos,  drinks,  whatever. IT doesn't affect me at ALL.

What affects me is being shunned by David's parents while his gf is loved.  And is not because it's me. It's because MY CHILDREN are the ones who get punished.  When Grandma and Grandpa attend everyone else's parties but theirs,  they're not stupid.

The problem with being Gay....and other alternative life styles

God vs "alternate" lifestyles.....

Argument: God is love= loves everyone for who they are= any lifestyle is acceptable.

Problem with this equation : God IS love.= He wants or souls to be happy = Anything that damages or souls is not good for us = Imagine falling in love.  And then never being able to be together once you die = your soul breaks once you're separated.

It's not a matter of His wanting your happiness to be limited.  It's not a matter of He WON'T let you be together forever.  He CANT allow it.

God didn't become a God by conquering the laws of the universe.  He is so good at working WITH them that he can accomplish ANYTHING.  But He is still bound by laws.

He wants us to be happy. And He CANNOT break the law to allow our happiness

We celebrate life and growth

I am a Mother.  NOT the best one.  But a Good one.  I. LOVE. MY. CHILDREN.  I celebrate each of them, Born or unborn, they matter.

The source of life is light.  With out it, we become stagnant.  And putrid.  EVERY time you choose something other than light, you darken.

SO, yes.  I will campaign for light.  I will campaign for God and HIS way.  Because even accepting un Godliness is campaigning for darkness.

In David's family, I have seen an absolute example of "harmless" apathy. Where a love of light is professed, and even expected. But actively working to achieve a constant relationship with light is not maintained.

My Hisband and I were held to a standard.  We have met that standard.  But it took 13 years and a lot of tripping, falling down, and getting back up for any fruit of our labors to be noticeable.  My youngest BIL is held to no standard whatsoever.  He is doing OK by general world standards.... but really BARELY.  At 22, he has designer clothes, but no drivers license. He expects to have what he his older brothers do, with 1/4 of the effort. Yet he is celebrated while my Husband is shunned.

It's fine by the World's standard that he chooses not to marry and start a family, but instead live with his girlfriend.  But not by God's standard.

And his parents have chosen to support his lifestyle over ours.  Which is their prerogative.  But what they refuse to understand is that they can't have both.

They CAN choose to celebrate my BIL's cohabitation relationship.  They CAN favor his girlfriend over me.  And they CAN celebrate his 3 cats and his ability to feed them and provide shelter for them on equal ground as My Husband's fathering of 6 children.... plus a cat.

But they CANNOT have both them and us.

They want to wish him a Happy Father's Day (because we'd HATE for him to be left out after all), that's fine.  But don't post my children on the list along with his 3 cats.

They are worth more than that.

I am not here to control ANY one. But that doesn't entitle them to have everything.

You CAN make your choices.  But you CANNOT alter the consequences of those choices.  And in this case, the consequence in supporting his lifestyle, and holding him higher than we because our choices have been different , is that they can have HIM. NOT US.

Please do NOT include us

A picture was posted today for Father's Day. Of My husband, his 2 brothers and his brother in law.

Only 3 have ever fathered or provided parental care for another human being. But that, apparently is no longer the criteria for being celebrated on Father's Day.

I understand that there are extenuating circumstances where a man DESPERATELY wishes to Father a child.  And can't.  He becomes a Father to ANYONE he can.  He LOVES his nieces and nephews, and Friends' children with all he has.  He adopts pets and loves them as children.  HE is a Father.  The Man who marries a woman with children and takes them as his own.  HE is a Father.

The selfish 22 year old who chooses not to enter into marriage, takes a job that's fun vs pays the bills, has made ZERO attempts at caring for young humans other than to occasionally play with nieces and nephews, and has a few pets for companionship is NOT a Father.  NOT BY ANY STRETCH of the word.

And yet, in this world of entitlement, we'd HATE for anyone to be left out.  Just show up and you get a trophy, right?

WELL, I had to do 9 months of HARD time and carry the scars, weight AND 18 more years of hard time to get to be included in Mother's Day.  My Husband works his ASS off and only sees our Family half of the year so that we can have what we need.  This AFTER 9 months of supporting MY hard labor.  THIS has entitled him to being celebrated on Father's Day.

And it's a symptom of everything wrong with this world: Those who ask for equal rights are NEVER satisfied with Equal Rights.  They want Superior Rights

I've learned a lot about this being married to David.  When we fight, in many ways, it's because he sees ONLY a win/lose situation as possible.  This is not God's way. Have you ever thought about the fact that there are BILLIONS of people on earth.  And when something works out in YOUR favor, is it ONLY at the detriment of others?  Not when God is involved.  It is guaranteed that when something works in your favor and His hand is in it, it is also benefiting any number of others.

For example, on Thurs, I was EXHAUSTED.  But had scheduled to work out with my SIL.  I REALLY wasn't up to it but I let it play out, and she ended up cancelling because it didn't work for HER either.We both benefited from the outcome.

And so. with this new world order, we do not want to be included with your celebrations that no longer take any effort or consideration  of a win/win scenario

Touch is essential

Touch is essential. And because of that,  Satan had robed it just like he tries to ruin everything good: sex,  technology,  family.......

A good family practices regular appropriate touch

I can be mean.. And I can stop

I used to lament over how another day had come and gone, and I wasn't perfect yet.  And after YEARS of putting myself through the misery of self condemnation, I FINALLY came to the realization, and gratitude for the little moments.  Those moments when I say "I'm Sorry."  When I realize I was abusive or mean, and I let my ego take a hit and put the people I love first.

I have been VERY clear with My Husband and Children that we do NOT allow bullying in our home/Family. And it doesn't matter WHO it is. I am not allowed to bully.  And neither are they.  And I have 36 years of being how I am....good and bad ETCHED into every fiber of my being.

But I CAN change.  Every second that I do better, it's something.

And so, I can make A moment BETTER, even if I can't make EVERY moment PERFECT.

When I said enough

"Boundaries are healthy. You get to say who is welcome in your private spaces and how they are welcome there. They can choose to comply or they can choose to leave. If having them in your life is more important than this choice you will choose to make allowances for them."


This is so very true.  And yet, the world we live in preaches entitlement.  If I have it, you are entitled to it.

Being Empathic, I VERY seriously care about doing what I can to make those I want a relationship with as comfortable as possible.

Let me tell you, some people will NEVER be comfortable.

I exhibit ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) tendencies as well as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms.  There are NO words to tell you what it feels like in my head and body when my space or routine is violated.

The previous post shows a little bit of this.

To go back to the previous post for a moment, As I stated, I had a party.... gathering a few days ago.  It was scheduled for 3 PM. At 2 PM, I had to go to the grocery store for snacks. I am used to almost NOBODY coming to my parties.... or gatherings. But I DID know a couple of people were coming.  At 2:45, I got a message from Marianne asking if I was home.  At the same time, I got a call from home saying that someone was knocking at the door.  I told Elysia to open the door.  I NEVER say that.  But this time, I did.  It was Marianne.  When I returned home, right at 3, there were 4 Ladies in my home, plus Quintus, the neighbor boy.

This scenario would normally send me OVER THE EDGE.  And yet, this time, it was easy to not stress.  Because they were people who KNOW me and CARE about me. All shoes were left at the door because they KNEW that was the rule in my home.  And they respected that as guests in my home, that was their obligation.

As opposed to a number of other people who repeatedly ask to leave their shoes on, or find a way around my rules.

Let me be very clear: The difference between a classy person and a not so classy person is whether they try to bend your house rules or accept them.

I have allowed some people to walk on my carpet.... something that makes me NUTS.... because I felt so sorry for them when I asked them to take off their shoes or not come in and they just wouldn't leave them at the door.

THE prime culprit is my FIL. And yet, I wanted his acceptance.  I wanted a relationship with him. And I would compensate later by becoming INCREDIBLY OCD as I would clean up after his visit.

It took me over 12 years of sacrificing my boundaries in exchange for an ATTEMPT at acceptance.  An acceptance that NEVER came.

And so now, I enforce boundaries.  Because they protect Me and MY FAMILY,  And WE are our most important asset,

How you know...

I had a Norwex party the other day.  6 of my closest Friends came. Norwex is a contaminant free cleaning product company.  To demonstrate how well the products work, the consultant rubbed raw chicken on my dining room table.  And EVERY person in that room turned and looked at me with the "How is she going to handle it" look.  Every single lady in that room KNEW it was that "Ack" thing for me.

That's how you know you're TRULY among Friends.  When they know EXACTLY who you are. And STILL show up!!! ♥♥♥ 

Truth vs Kindness

I find the above saying very very interesting.  I, you see CANNOT lie.  Except in VERY special circumstances.  Those being my Children's safety.  I can lie to the POPE himself if I believe it is necessary to protect my family.  But under any other circumstances, don't count on it.

As Oh, from the Movie "Home" says: " A lie is a bad thing. I did a thing so you can live."

That, to me is the difference between a lie and a necessity.  I do NOT lie.  I can, however adapt.

Many may stick with the "If you can't say anything nice...." adage.  However, is it wise to not speak the truth to be "kind"?

In the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 16:2 and 3 say:

2 And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.

 3 And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us.

One thing you HAVE to know about people who habitually, even compulsively speak the truth, is that they often don't have a filter that tells them if it's kind or not.  That DOESN'T mean they will blurt out that you're ugly. But if it's TRUE and not derogatory, they don't see the need to mince words.  They often feel that editing is doing the other person a disservice.

SO, just because it's true, doesn't mean it's "kind".  And just because it's "unkind", doesn't make it unnecessary.

"We are quickly becoming a sick and twisted culture both nationally and even globally. I get endlessly attacked and mocked for stating that simple truth, but I guess the truth hurts. There is certainly no disputing that obvious fact as far as I am concerned." Dave "the Sage" (Look him up on FB, he's awesome)

May I recommend...

Check out this Blog!!!!

The Name Game

Harder than you think! Every answer must start with the first letter of your first name!

First name : Candace
An animal: cayote
A boys name: Caleb 
A girls name: Cassie
An occupation: Cook
A color: cyan 
Something you wear: coat 
A drink: coke
A type of food: chips
Something found in the bathroom: comb
A place: Canada 
A reason for being late: coma
Something you shout out: COME HERE

Hold your Judgement

I LOVE to eat. But I HATE meal time.

I compartmentalize. I'm systematic.  I'm EXTREMELY left brained.

Meal time is a NIGHTMARE for me.

Even the simplest meal ( a piece of cold pizza) is a production for me.  Because it has to be organized, compartmentalized, and systematic. (If you're thinking how crazy I am for turning meal time into drama, read up on ASD here)

It's WAY too chaotic for me.

"Autism spectrum disorders affect three different areas of a Person's life:

• Social interaction
• Communication -- both verbal and non verbal
• Behaviors and interests

Each person with an ASD will have his or her own pattern of autism.

Sometimes, a child's development is delayed from birth. Some children seem to develop normally before they suddenly lose social or language skills. Others show normal development until they have enough language to demonstrate unusual thoughts and preoccupations.

In some children, a loss of language is the major impairment. In others, unusual behaviors (like spending hours lining up toys) seem to to be the dominant factors."

I have had ENOUGH of everyone saying things like "Well, you can dress yourself and manage children so you are fine, just stubborn"

I don't have to fit YOUR definition of handicapped to have a mental discrepancy.

Anyhow, Meal time is a huge trigger for me. And it always has been.  I just pushed through and clenched inside.

That is another reason people struggle with this diagnosis of mine.  Because I get through it. Albeit haltingly. They DO notice I'm inept at handling it "normally"  But it's only enough for them to criticize, not enough to think I may have a REAL excuse.

If someone else would just handle meal time for me, I could probably deal with just about everything else.

But then again, there is that other quirk:  I HAVE to have the dishes lined up precisely, and just the right distance from the edge of the counter. Thereby making letting others handle it almost JUST as stressful ;-)

I'm fine the way I am

I don't know what it is about me that gives people the idea that they need to change me.

I don't know what it is about me that gives people the idea that i need an education from them.  They'r normally less educated than I am.

It's NOT how I speak. Because I truly believe that most of the time when I DO speak, I come across as powerful.  Maybe that's the issue.  I LOOK dumb, and like an easy target.  Then I open my mouth, and people get a fight they NEVER counted on.

The second I took the people out of my life who were trying to change me, and realized exactly what I'm really like.... how my brain works, and WHY I struggle with or do certain things the way I do, my life fell into place.

Those people who have felt it is there job to change me, have lied to me thinking (or not caring) that I can't figure it out, or who stir up problems show the ultimate insult! They don't have the decency to assume that I have at LEAST an average intelligence level.

We are dealing with a lice outbreak in our home right now.  And it's clearing up relatively fast.  And it's pretty contained.  Not all of us have lice despite sharing EVERYTHING.

And it's because I don't do things like "Normal People".  Our house is compartmentalized. Some areas have had NO infestation at all, and others have been left alone for more than enough time for the issue to resolve itself.  Because I AM systematic.

And it's just come naturally.  Because I'm FINE the way I am.

For what I'm dealing with, I manage VERY well.  And I naturally fix and avoid things that I'd be right in the muddle of if I didn't work the way I do.

God Bless the USA

when you hate on me

this is a picture of the "virtuous YW Leader" Mormon who came at me yesterday for not being a "good Mormon " since I support the Duggars and make fun of Utah "where our prophet lives and speaks from the Temple"

Thanks to a Dear MI Friend who has tracked her down,  I can rest easy

This conversation B L O W S my mind!

Sara James High: This post is disgusting this show should not be on air and josh should be in jail and Ana should be ashamed of herself she knew and still married him and had kids with him disgusting I hope cps gets involved to protect those kids!!!!!

Suellen Lulu Spooner: In our country, we even believe in giving prisoners a second chance. You must not be a Christian.

Sara James High: I am a Mormon which are strict Christians he molested five girls that is way more then a second Chance you must be an idiot


Candace Rose: Sara, please don't broadcast that you're "Mormon". You'll give us a bad name. Tomorrow in sunday school, listen a little better to what Christ taught please and thank you!


Sara James High: Candace Rose if you support a sexual abuser YOU PLEASE dont broadcast you're a Mormon if you support josh perhaps you should call your ward missionaries and have them set up a meeting with your bishop ASAP and seek help immediately


Candace Rose: Oh, and Sara, you're only a"Christian" if you believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. On the cross, he forgave ALL he encountered. He preached love. Not hate. You must live in Utah. Those "Mormons" primarily only know self love. That's not what Christ taught when he said "Of you it is required to forgive ALL men." And "The second (commandment) is like unto it: Love thy neighbor thyself."

Sara James High: Our church has discussed this case and we are all appalled and saddened


Sara James High: Haha I live in Oklahoma from California

I understand but in this case punishment is required and needed for such actions and we should be showing our love for the victims and showing our disappointment and disgust with josh


Candace Rose: "As I haved loved you, love one another. This new commandment, LOVE ONE ANOTHER. By this, shall men know: Ye are my Disciples. If ye have love.... One to another"


Sara James High: And if you're Mormon you would never mock Utah that is where our churches home base is that i is where our president and prophet speaks to all of us from the temple

A true Mormon would NEVER mock Utah.

Sara James High:
Quoting the bible and book of Mormon is not a valid argument it shows youre delusional

Five children were sexually violated IDC who you are this should not be okay with anyone regardless of race gender religion ...See More


Sara James High: I hope you truly seek help Candace Rose I am done with this conversation I have a lesson to prepare for my young women and it will be on this topic and learning what their rights are etc maybe you should truly speak with your bishop


Candace Rose: I'm delusional for quoting scripture?


Candace Rose: And no, abuse is NEVER ok. But neither is hate.


Candace Rose: I don't need to call the missionaries. Here in "church headquarters" we can call the Bishop ourselves

************************************
This woman then stated that she didn't know of any bishop that give their # out

THEN she downloaded a picture of my family and posted it with a comment like "These look like people you might want to protect"

There's a reason I like Moose..

I have more on common with them than eveN a Bear

I'm a purist

It's so obvious. I'm a purist. THROUGH AND THROUGH. I can't handle deciet. Because it dirties. I have no filter because it clouds.  But that means I have no shields either.  Want a revelation?  God knew no one else would protect me.  And I CANNOT protect myself.  So he gave me the lineage Of a warrior. And extra cushion (a small amount of trials) and the protection of his angels.

If you think I'm crazy,  hold on because I just became eccentric.  But those with ears to hear and REAL faith will at least know it's the truth I speak.

Wait for it.  Wait for what?  Answer: Watch me shine.

Dogs and children

One of my BIGGEST peeves ever are people who don't parent their children or dogs.

If you want to argue that your pets are you children,  have at it.  But then you can't let them roam free pooping freely. My kids cat do that.

I'm the "mean" parent in the neighborhood because I not only require MY kids to behave responsibly, but I won't hesitate to tell other people's costco to knock it off when they're being little turds.

Home

If this doesn't fit my life, I don't know what does.

And it's ironic because I think in movie quotes. (Rain Man at your service )

And MANY of the things that Oh says in this FABULOUS movie fit EXACTLY how I would phrase (and do) things.

This is the kind of movie I could watch EVERY day!  

Shine

See us shining, everywhere, Every color, Every kind 

              At the dawning of a brighter day, Hope will lead the way and See us shine 

Chipping away at priesthood authority

I just read This article about chipping away at the foundation of the faith of the members of the LDS church.

This article PERFECTLY addresses the issue! 

3 Girls

I had to go talk to Elizabeth's teacher again today about a boy in her class that has relentlessly bullied her a good part of the year, if not the whole year.

And in my head, I was plotting getting him alone, off school property and giving him a good swift kick to make a LASTING impression. (NO. I'm not going to.) And then I started going through in my head the likely hood that I could actually get away with it.

And I realized that because Elizabeth is a girl, I probably could on some level get away with it.

And I realized how fortunate I am that I'm going through this with a 12 year old GIRL vs a 12 year old BOY.

I can protect her so much better than I could a boy.  As messed up as our society has become, society as a whole still looks at girls as off limits as far as bullying goes from boys.  I have a much better case in my favor if I were to go after this boy for hurting my DAUGHTER than I would if he hurt my son.  Sucks in the case of a boy.  But gives me an edge with my girls.

I must have done SOMETHING right in the preexistence.  I truly have proof that I am very well cared for by my Father.( I'm not saying this to gloat.  But why call an egg a stone just to save feelings. ) I really honestly have been blessed with the EXACT right balance in life.

I believe that is part of why my girls came first. All of this bullying will be more manageable (yes, I get girls can be relentless when they bully.  But THAT, I can fight girl to girl) with the Girls first.  And then, if it happens to Jacob, I'll have some experience First.

Plus, he'll have his 3 big sisters to help.

No one will TOUCH Bella ;-)

For Mothers

The world changed,
When I opened my eyes.
On that magical day,
When I traveled the skies.
The Angels were cheering,
As they waved goodbye!
My heart beating fast,
As I looked into your eyes.
First time seeing you,
Seeing that smile on your face.
Reassuring me of your joy,
With your loving gaze.
I will miss heaven,
My friends from up above!
I'm excited, for my new home,
That is Filled with Love.
God placed me there,
To learn & to grow.
To feel your love,
And never let go.
Life will seem tough,
I may lose my way!
He promised me,
To listen to what you say.
Your mommy will lead you through,
Life as you grow.
She'll never give up on you,
You'll feel her love as it flows.
Her heart is big,
It has a place just for you.
A place where only you can fit in,
Because she'll love you too.
She'll hold you, and kiss you,
When you hurt inside.
She'll even protect you,
From the outside.
When you get big,
And you see your mommy cry.
Tell her you love her,
And tell her why.
Mommy's have big hearts,
They need love too.
They give all for you,
In all that they do.
Hold her & kiss her,
When she hurts from inside
She needs protection,
From the outside.
Love your mommy,
Each and everyday,
For she Loves you so.
Honor her, in every way!
God placed you in her arms,
To hold & Love, forever

~Debi Henshaw Galloway~

Dedicated to my beautiful Mother, whom I love so much! Happy Mothers day Mama! This is your poem!

Some actually DON'T prefer the light

I've wondered before what was wrong with me: if I'm so "bright" why do people push away. And then i realized...Finally, as illogical as it is to me, some people are so comfortable in the mediocre light, they actually don't WANT it brighter. Dingy prefers the shadows.

It reminds me of the lesson we had in Sunday School this past week on Grace.
Hell as we think of it is not so much a matter of God punishing us.  But us not wanting to be in His presence because darkness shuns light.  He is willing to have us, like the Prodigal Son, return home to him no matter what mistakes we've made.  But if we are not changed through grace, we will not feel like being in His home. We will prefer our shadows where everything doesn't feel so exposed.

The next step

We are getting ready to move.  My dream house is no longer in our sights.  Fortunately, my dream has evolved.  And I couldn't be happier.  Instead of the "house on the hill"  with it's grand room, high ceilings, and BRAND newness.  We are buying a 1979 rambler.  With a 1/2 acre, 2 beautiful kitchens, 2 laundry areas, 5 bedrooms, 3 1/2 bathrooms, and RENTERS.

A little story here:

My mom has a cousin who has 6 children.  Matt is the Oldest and he is married to Andrea.  Jacob is the youngest and owns the 1979 rambler I just mentioned.

When our other house kept falling through, Andrea set about trying to help us find something else.  And told us about Jacob's house.  He was asking $100,000 more than our brand new house that we wanted so badly....YIKES, and it's 35 years older. So we pushed it to a corner and continued working on getting our new build.

And that fell through... AGAIN.

So I got in touch with Jacob... I haven't seen him in like 15 years,  And I probably knew him the least of all of the kids because of our age difference.

And he was SO awesome when I contacted him.  

I originally was not going to look at the house until David was in town.  But David said that I might as well go ahead and look because if I didn't like it, then there was NO point in him seeing it.

And over the course of 3 visits to the house, and bringing 2 close friends to look at it and help me understand the pros and cons, I fell IN LOVE with this house.

It is 3800 square feet.  The upstairs and downstairs can fully function separate of eachother.  He currently rents out the 2 rooms in the basement to 2 young ladies.  But they share the downstairs laundry, kitchen, storage and family room.  It has a walk out basement.

Jacob said he would come down $30,000 for us.  AND he will lease it to us until we get a loan.

He told me that he had several offers at full price, but felt really good about us vs the other "better" offers.  He has been SO amazing to work with.  And we are over there about once a week, discussing and working out all the details.

He has chickens in the back, that he said we can keep if we want them.  Yes.  And we went through a list of furniture/electronics he doesn't want to move, and we are buying 80% of it. Most of it consists of things mounted to the walls.

So, by the time David came home, 2 weeks later, it was just a matter of getting his approval.  We went straight from the airport to Jacob's.  And by the next afternoon, we asked Jacob and his wife to take it off the market for us ☺

Jacob and his wife have been so fantastic and the way they are willing to work with us is such a blessing.

And this past Sunday, was Fast Sunday.  I didn't want to fast.  But I felt that I needed to.... which I did.  And I prayed that whatever it was our family needed from my fasting would be.

That evening, Kenny (One of our longest and closest friends) called to tell me he's back in full church fellowship and he and his new wife (Who we love) wanted to go hang out with me and the kids on Monday.

As we were talking the next day, I mentioned the house we're moving into.

And that we had the option of renting out a portion of the basement and sharing the rest.  And now, it's a done deal.  Only waiting on David's approval.  And Kenny mentioned what an answer to their prayers it is.

And I am so grateful for the kindness Jacob has shown us that I am THRILLED to use it to help Kenny and Michelle!

My coming out post

I think I may have forgotten to share a big thing that happened to me about a year ago.

I learned that  I am an Empath.

The reaction I got from the people I tried to share this information with was mixed. Some distanced themselves from me.  Some regard me cautiously but not much has changed. And the very few.... most of whom are Empaths themselves, get it.

In our home, The general acceptance of it is similar to getting a Hogwarts letter.  We discuss that some in our home have this gift.  Some do not. But both are reasons to celebrate.

I do not know about E.  But she seems to be the one who tries the hardest to turn it into a part of life and embrace it.  She even told me about how having "oil in your lamp" relates to being Empathic.

So let me tell you, for those of you who don't know what this thing is, what it is.

To be an Empath means you have gifts of a Spiritual nature that supersede regular mental guidelines.  These are the psychics, mediums, etc.   It is also called the "Gift of Discernment".

It ISN't as crazy in nature as many people automatically think.  It is simply the ability to read people with your emotions and energy rather than logic or brain power alone.  And to read their emotions or energy a little....or a lot better than average.

It means I can smell a lie easily. It means I can tell when there is, what I refer to as "A ripple in the "Force"."

It means that emotional strain drains me WAY more than physical exertion. It means that I know when something is bothering someone a little easier.  It means I know how to relate, and communicate in a way that the other person may understand better.

Most of the other Empaths I know have always known that they have this gift.

Being an Empath almost ALWAYS is generational. Chances are high that if a child is an Empath, one of their parents is also.

You see, it is not my Mom that is the Empath.... or if it is, she doesn't use it the right way, if at all.  I KNOW that My Dad was.  From my own internal radar (Gift of Discernment) combined with the stories I've been told of his affinity for animals and children, and love of art.  Not to mention his tendencies to turn to drugs and alcohol to escape.

ONE of David's parents is and Empath.  I KNOW this for a fact.  I have my suspicions.  But neither of them has embraced it, so I'm not 1005 sure.  But I KNOW one of his brothers is too.....

Anyhow, back to the point.

I was not raised with the education of what my "Weirdness" was called. I knew I was different.  I knew I didn't fit in.  And a year ago, I finally learned the name for it.

But MOST that I know have been taught by their Empathic parent (s)  what it means.

So now, I can't shut up about it. And I am so excited to hone it.

NOW, I have to make sure to use it correctly.

More reading

I have been reading more of the blog Pure Mormonism.  And I want to be VERY VERY VERY clear:  I do NOT necessarily agree with or support EVERYTHING he says. Further prayer, and studying will need to go into it, before I base ANYTHING I advocate on his writings.... I liked what he had to say about the opposing votes on sat.  That is all.  And please understand that I will NEVER, EVER advise going against what our church leaders say... EVER.  That is the surest way to pain and suffering ♥

Yes, it's ok to not follow blindly

A blog called "Pure Mormonism" posted the following: "Something really weird happened yesterday. During the general conference of the church, Elder Dieter Uchtdorf presented the names of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for a sustaining vote. When he asked for any opposed to manifest their votes, a handful of members responded by shouting, "Opposed."

But that wasn't the weird part. What was weird was the reaction of otherwise faithful latter-day Saints who felt those who voted in opposition were somehow out of line. Some described those who voted in opposition as "hecklers," which reveals their ignorance of the meaning of words as much as it does their understanding of church protocol."

The voting system was set up for these "opposers" to handle it JUST as they did.  And it does NOT make them bad people!

As David and I discussed this and other problem areas of the general membership of the church, I realized that the overwhelming and prominent problem is that we mortals have a "God complex". We think WE are the ones in charge.  We think WE have the right to limit God's power and tell Him what He can and can't accept.

And that's just not accurate.  HE, not WE is God after all. "As God is, we CAN become."  But it's the simple example of a parent and a child.  He IS the parent.  We HOPE to someday become a parent too.  But we have to learn, grow and EARN that position.  It isn't just ours upon birth.

My GOOD Friend, Ashley, shared a very sacred experience with me where she told me that she has seen heaven and hell.  And that Hell is just a "Hospital" of sorts for the broken in Heaven. And I accept her description as completely viable.

THINK about it.  Not with YOUR limits.  But possibilities.

God is our FATHER.  If YOU had 2,000,000,000,000 children, would you only care about 10? Or ONE? Not if you were THE Perfect Parent.  And if they were mean to eachother, would you tell them they could never be with you again?  NOT if you were the PERFECT Parent.  You would put them in time out when needed.  Take away their privileges. You would take them to get medical/psychological help if needs be.  But you would NEVER, EVER leave them behind.

Why do we think God .... THE PERFECT PARENT, is different?  God is Love.  Love does not give up on nor abandon the imperfect.  Love succors and heals. No matter HOW long it takes.  And God has ETERNITY to do it.  No limits.  No appointments to keep.

So, for us to say "He committed suicide, he is lost forever." Is NOT our call.

Which brings me back to the original point. At least one of the people who opposed the sustaining of church leaders on Sat did so because they had concerns with the excommunication of recent "Questioning" members.

Have you ever thought about what might happen in an eternal perspective if a person was "Accidentally" excommunicated?

Well, I promise you this:  God is smarter than mortals.  And just think about it from a parental perspective.  If your child was kicked out of school, would you accept the verdict, or research the information and decide for yourself if it was valid or not?  God KNOWS everything.  And He would KNOW if it was just or not.

Therefore, if it was NOT valid, why would he punish the person who did nothing wrong?  Remember, He's THE PERFECT PARENT.

Sadly, the general body of the church doesn't know this to be the case.  Because they DON'T question the "Norm."

TRUST the Leaders of the Church.  TRUST your GOD.  TRUST your Savior.  But that does NOT mean you can't question and test every principle. No, DON'T do drugs to see if their harmful, but do your research to find out exactly WHY they are/aren't safe. "Seek and ye shall find..." ASK for a testimony of WHY the church leaders mandate what they do.  And if you disagree with something, bring it up with your Bishop or Stake President.  DON'T go telling everyone it's WRONG.  DON'T broadcast your displeasure. PRAY about it.  STUDY about it.  TALK it over with Leaders. And SEEK for a resolution that is PLEASING to God.... your FATHER. And if you disagree with a person being sustained in a position of leadership, use the system that has been set forth and raise your hand in opposition.

And if you don't trust that will work, then the insecurity is with you, not Him. Because his system is perfect.

But PLEASE always remember that the SYSTEM is perfect... that DOES NOT MEAN the people are.

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is people forsaking their God based on mortals.  It doesn't MATTER what a mortal says or does. It matters what your relationship with Your God is...

Because He is real.  And He is, above all other titles, YOUR PARENT.  And He Loves EVERY ONE of HIS Billions of Children PERFECTLY!

Politically correct but lost

We lose sight of who we need to be trying to accommodate everyone else.  When the ONLY one we need to be concerned with pleasing is God.

Ephesians 6:12

 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

grand scheme

There is a plan at work in my life that I'm so grateful NOT to be in charge of.


To move or not to move,  is the question on the table.  Just as i thought that door closed,  it got flung wide open again.

Those of you who are tired of hearing about it,  i don't blame you one bit. I'm sick of hearing about it.

But there IS a plan at work here.  And i just have to wait for it to unfold.

"Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed ishe that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame"


You may just come to my door one day, and i just might not live there anymore.

how do you measure a man?

If one day you discover him
Broken down he's lost everything
No cars, no fancy clothes to make him who he's not
The woman at his side is all that he has got
Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth?

Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?

If by chance all he had to give you
Was three words wrapped around your finger
Would that be deep enough at the end of every day
And how will you ever know
If a man is what he says?

Why do you ask him to move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up to be all he can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?

He never gives up
Lets go of his dream
His world goes around for his one true belief
Is that how you know
Is that what it means?

Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
Would he will be your anchor when the dark unfolds
Would he always love you the best that he knows?

Would he give his life up
To be all that he can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?

Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can

Is that, is that, is that, how you measure oh...

Is that, is that, is that, how you measure a man?