Learning

Boy do I understand what they mean about Life being like school.

There are trademark "signs" I've learned to recognize when David and I aren't getting along. A fight is on the horizon when A) One of us has gone a significant amount of time since eating last. B) One or both of us is feeling dehydrated, or C) One or both of us is overly tired.

It sounds so "Easy" like "Duh, of course you're going to be cranky." But it's like saying "Just don't fight." It's incredibly easier to say than to do.

It's so frustrating too. I have LEARNED what to watch for. And with pretty precise accuracy, I can tell you with in a few words if we are heading for a fight or not.

And the actions that automatically follow on my part are unmistakable. As SOON as I feel threatened, I do an assessement. And usually put the keys to the van, as well as any cash lying around in a safe "hiding" spot.

This is irrational for the "normal" couple. But you see, I have been in this situation WAY too many times and seen the domino affect that follows.

David has gotten better... for the most part. But so many people just cannot understand. You see, I have been in situations with him, where his anger has overridden his common sense, compassion and all of the other emotions that compell him to stay calm and not want to harm me.

I have seen him do some really illogical stuff when he's angry. He's also threatened to do things that scare me on levels most people don't understand.

I've had to choose between my Children before. He has shut me in a room with 1, 2, or 3 of them and made it so that if I wanted to get to the Child (ren) on the other side of the door, I'd have to leave the ones I was already with. I don't do well with this.

He's threatened to cut me off financially, or taken my car so that I couldn't go anywhere without going on foot.

Don't get me wrong: Things HAVE gotten better. They are rarely that bad since the divorce. And even the "bad" episodes aren't that bad anymore. But it's a reflex now when I see that things COULD head that direction, I automatically begin a routine that guarantees the safest outcome for the Children and myself.

Tonight was one of those nights. It has turned out FINE. The keys to the van however are tucked away nice and safe.....

And THEN, as David and I are talking, he mentions that he is feeling dehydrated. And it's one of those "Ah-ha" moments, where I should have guessed.